Another funny 'linen', courtesy of Insanity is Hereditary… by Danyealle-sama
That meant that he had to see them, had to! It was imperative so that he could figure out how to handle the whole situation before Inuyasha ended up involved. Because, sure as bats crapped berries, the whelp would figure out what was going on and tell her and the others, something that would take him centuries to live down.

Just cause I giggle every time I read "...sure as bats crapped berries..." and wondering what Sesshoumaru's expression would be with that thought.

Kai walked over to Sesshoumaru, who was laying dazed underneath the remains of his desk. "Sesshoumaru, what's two times two?"

"Fish." Sesshoumaru said groggily. "Sushi is the fish king's enemy! Must defend the fishy king!"

Kai glared at Kagome who rolled her eyes. "I still say he deserved it!"

Just rereading Crime and Punishment by Serephina of the Kamis and found part truly giggle-worthy.

She made cat noises, he frowned. He listened closer and realized she was snoring and it sounded like she was purring. He arched one of his eyebrows and smirked. Yep, she was snoring. she turned towards him and threw one leg over his as she tried to get comfortable. "Mmm." She purred as she snuggled up against him. He bit at her mating mark and she snuggled closer. "Not now. Tired." She said in her sleep as his hands slid inside her nightshirt. He nipped at her lips as his hand found her core. He found her nub and flicked at it. "Fine but dont wake me up." She grumbled as she laid on her back snoring a little deeper. Sesshoumaru stared at her bewildered.

There was scratching at their bedroom. Not again, He stared at the door and saw little fingers sliding under the heavy wooden door. Kiyoshi whimpered. Sesshoumaru turned back to Kagome. The pup was not getting in. He was tired of the damn pups crawling into their bed. Every single night. First it was the whinner and then Rin and then Shippou. More scratching followed and then a long whimper. "Mama." Kiyoshi whimpered, that was his new word and since he had learned that is all they ever heard. "Mama."

Kagome pressed her face into Sesshoumaru's shoulder. "Noisy. Make it stop."

He growled and got up strode over to te door opening it. He growled at the pup and Kiyoshi looked up and growled back before crawling to the bed. He climbed his way up and snuggled up against Kagome's side. "No." Sesshoumaru picked him up by the back of his shirt and set him down by their feet. Climbing back into the bed Sesshoumaru pulled Kagome to him and closed his eyes.

*Sniffle* Kami he was going to wake the onna up and then he would have to hear her mouth. *Sniffle and whimper*

"Enough." Sesshoumaru hissed in a low voice

*Whimper* *hiccup* *whimper and sniffle* "Ma...mama...ma" Snatch. Sesshoumaru grabbed him mid whine and set him on the pillow above their heads. With a content sigh Kiyoshi curled up and clossed his eyes. The door creaked open slowly and Rin poked her head in and then slid her body through the small opening and slowly started to shut the door.

"Im aware that the other one is with you." Rin pressed herself up against the door and closed her eyes pretending that she wasnt there. "So tell him to hurry up so I can get to sleep." Rin opened one eye and squinted at him. "Yes, I can see you even if you cant see me now do as I ask." He grumbled. Rin slipped back out the door. He could feel Kagome chuckling beside him. "You find humor in this. We've been invaded by pups. I have a mate that insists on tossing and turning and pups that find every spare inch of bed and take it over. My life used to be simpler."

dokuga.com/fanfiction/story/4174/1
Out of the Ashes by Lynn
Sesshoumaru gives Kagome back her life when she is killed. With everyone else gone, the well is closed, and the only one she has is InuYasha's son and his brother what will the miko do?
Rating: MA - Universe: Canon - Status: Incomplete - Category: Chapter Stories - Genre: Action, Angst, Drama, Erotica, Kink, Romance, Tragedy
Updated: 04-15-11 - Created: 07-30-10 Chapters: 39

I remember this one little snippet from Sidhe's Through The Mirror. It had to be one of my favourite peices in the entire thing.

“You aren’t Sesshomaru.”

His sudden smile was just a bit wicked, faintly curved fangs glinting teasingly, and Kagome’s brain short-circuited just before her lungs shut down, preventing a whimper from escaping.

She’d always wondered what it would feel like to be ‘struck dumb' and now she knew.

Oh, Dear God, he had dimples.

The male watched, intrigued, as the little human went dewy-eyed as she looked up at him. Delicate fingers gently skimmed over the indentations and he restrained himself from laughing, not wanting to startle her.

‘Imply that you’d not be opposed to her because of her species, something that should have shocked her, and she ignores it in favor of dimples.’

He’d have to remember that about her.…

Kagome suddenly snapped back to herself and hastily withdrew her hands.

She was stroking the demon lord! Notgoodnotgoodnotgood…Bad hands!

He was still smiling.


It's amaising, and i can visualise myself sitting on my hands going 'bad hands bad hands'

LoL!!

From a GB fic:

Jaken jumped and nearly fell off Ah-Un at the sound of his master's voice. Kagome was actually fairly worried about the kappa as he seemed to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. His brain was hard-wired against openly disrespecting Sesshomaru so he couldn't treat her the way he treated humans normally but he seemed to get even more nervous when she smiled at him reassuringly.

"Why the hell does everyone freak out when you smile?" She asked Sesshomaru, who was seated on Ah-Un in front of her.

"Because the things that make Sesshomaru-sama smile are bad for my health!" Jaken responded, huddling in front of Rin.

"Ah, maybe he just needs a new hobby." Kagome sighed and ran a hand through her hair, her long, heavy, silky, silver hair. "Mmm… Has he tried embroidery?"

Sesshomaru shot her a glare.

"Needles!" Jaken shuddered.

"Uh… how about dancing?"

"Kicking!" Jaken rubbed at phantom bruises on his head.

"Gardening?"

"The only things Sesshomaru-sama plants are dead bodies and I have to do the digging!"

Kagome gave up.

Unexpected Perspective by Azure
An unusual injury inflicted by an extraordinary weapon leaves Sesshomaru and Kagome with a strange predicament. Now Kagome has to learn how to act like a proper taiyoukai and Sessshomaru has to learn how to be a miko!
Rating: M - Universe: Canon - Status: Incomplete - Category: Chapter Stories - Genre: Friendship, Humor, Romance
Updated: 04-17-11 - Created: 04-15-11 Chapters: 4

My poor clock! She'd always hated the thing, but now that it was dead, she felt an irrational surge of sympathy for it. Along with a very rational surge of ire for the dog.

Twisting another spring loose, Sesshoumaru reveled internally at the satisfying twang it made. After the infernal racket had gone on for an hour and forty-five minutes, something had to die, and it was going to be the clock or Kagome.

Sesshoumaru felt he had been quite merciful.



~~~
Canis Familiaris on ff.net. Tally Mark is awesome! I needed to share this.

ADDED FOR AWESOMENESS

"Priestess," he said, in the severe, frosted voice she was most familiar with, and for one hopeful moment she thought maybe he'd sobered up. "You are not wearing the skirt."

She blinked rapidly. "What?"

"We cannot possibly do battle with you dressed like this," he said gravely.

"What?"

"You are supposed to be wearing that funny little skirt." He held his claws half an inch apart. "The little one."

~~~~

I will forever have the image of Sess squinting one golden eye, looking through his almost pinched claws, mocking her skirt in hidden appreciation. "The little one." I'm still laughing.

Drowning Sorrows by Tally Mark

Ah, this is from nine to ten years ago, and on FanFiction(dot)net. [strike]Unfortunately, I don't know if it's even on Dokuga. This is a bit lengthy, sad to say.

The Trade by Oniko

"And it's all Inu Yasha's fault." She griped to no one in particular. She noticed that she had been staring at golden eyes in the darkness for several long moments. "Speak of the devil."

Opening the window she stuck her head and shoulders out into the cool night air.

"Inu Yasha, I told." She trailed off as she came face to face with Sesshoumaru. "You're not Inu Yasha."

He smiled at her, a crooked half-smile that caused some small voice in that back of her head to start babbling like the girls at school. Damn, but he's cute. "I should hope not."

"I don't suppose you could come back later if I told you that I can't come out and play right now?"

"I beg you pardon?" Sesshoumaru looked at her in confusion.

"You're going to kidnap me and trade me to Inu Yasha for the tetsusaiga."

He smiled at her again, setting of another round of internal babbling Shut UP! "Very good, you are much more perceptive then my useless excuse for a brother."

She ducked back inside her room and watched Sesshoumaru climb in after her.

"Look, can I get a few things together?" You, girl, are warped; worrying about studying at a time like this. She told herself.

He looked around her room before turning to face her directly. "You're taking this surprisingly well."

She shrugged. "I'm just too tired right now to scream, anyways, nobody's home."

Oh come now! Everyone knows that the most unforgettable linens in fanfiction are the ones that get dirtiest.

(I couldn't help myself! Running away now~!)

Miroku was quiet for a moment as he considered everything that Shippo had said. Obviously, Sesshomaru had caught him in a compromising situation with Rin. He should have considered this outcome sooner and berated himself for failing to take precautions. "Sango and I noticed that Rin and Shippo had grown quite close, but it never occurred to us that he was feeling...amorous towards her."

Kagome gave a sad, half-hearted chuckle. "I didn't either, Miroku. When do you suppose he grew up? Somehow, I missed it."

Miroku sighed deeply and settled down to wait for the villagers. "Children grow up very fast. One minute they are playing with childish toys and the next they are kissing taiyoukai's daughters."

This whole scene I was going RUN SHIPPO RUN!!!!! That poor little guy. I just cracked up when Roku said this though.

Violation of Honor by Rinseternalsoul

"Sesshoumaru, I promised I would go to Souta's birthday party," she said, moving past him to head back to the old well. They were far away in another area of the forest, doing a cursory check on his land's borders.

But he was not in the mood to argue. It was completely unnecessary and undignified. He didn't want to let her go. He wanted her with him. He doubted they'd ever talked about any kind of party to begin with. He would not give her words an answer, because they didn't need one.

'Humph,' he seemed to say, giving a slight sniff and not meeting her gaze

"That's tonight," she pointed out, moving away from him. "I told you about this a week ago."

'Indifferent stare,' he projected, maintaining a studiously bored countenance.

"I have to go now so I can help mom set everything up!" she said, beginning to get annoyed. "We can't go off killing things on the border of your lands today, I have to get going."

A Narrowing of eyes and piercing glance were her only reply.

"You promised you would take me and Rin over to the well," she said, moving to poke him in the chest. "You said you'd fly us there so we'd make it before noon!"

Turned nose, avoided glance, studied air of nonchalance.

"What is your problem?" she asked, throwing her hands up in frustration. "You know full well we already had plans for the next couple of days. You just forgot and now you're trying to make me feel like it's my fault, or like I'm keeping you from doing your duty!"

Raised eyebrow, pointed glare.

"Oh, come on! We're always killing demons! We killed demons last weekend; we'll kill demons again next weekend. The demons know the routine by now already! They'll probably start slaughtering themselves without us, just out of habit!"

Snort of derision and crossing of arms. Even if she did have a very small point.

"Arrgh!" she shouted, finally giving full vent to her frustration. "I hate it when you won't even argue, just standing there like a ticked off brick wall! I refuse to argue with a statue!"

Small smirk of victory.

"Oh, fine then," she said in a warning tone. "If you can't tell me what you want and discuss things like a grown up, I'm going to ignore you and do what I want anyway."

Sly look to see what was going to happen. He would not give in so easily.

From Mirrored Future by Amazonian21
Complete SessKag: Kagome finds a mirror that gives possible scenarios from the future. She decides to look a bit closer. Is she ready for what she'll find?
Rating: PG-13 - Universe: Canon - Status: Complete - Genre: Romance
Updated: 08-19-06 - Chapters: 13 - Reviews 12 - Words 62,677

Sesshomaru had found her nearly dead. He gathered her into his arms, frowning deeply as he yelled for the healers. "Kagome... Love, what happened?" He asked as he tried to rouse her.

Her eyes fluttered open and she whimpered. "Hitomi... Attacked me and took the jewel... Sesshomaru, I feel so weak."

He could smell her mortality and it worried him far more than he would ever allow her to know. Her wounds should have been healing but weren't and her hair... Those treasured ebony tresses were beginning to fade into grey. "Hold on, Love. I will go and bring it back to you." He whispered and then left Kagome to the care of the healers and the protection of his mother.

He raced in the direction of her scent. She was easy enough to follow. She was young and weak and inexperienced no matter how clever or manipulative she might also be. When she was in view, he sped up and tackled her, forcing her lithe form to the ground. He pinned her with one hand by her throat and took the Shikon no Tama with his other, holding it tightly as it throbbed with his beloved's waning life. "You will die." He snarled, tightening his grip at her throat.

"She isn't worthy of you! I could be your mate! She can't even give you a child! Sesshomaru, great Taiyouakai, we could take back Japan together! Please..."

"Enough." He didn't have time to parlay with her. Kagome's life was ebbing away and she was infinitely more important. He surged his acid through his palm and severed the kitsune's head from her shoulders in a burst of acrid, burning flesh. He didn't stay even long enough to watch her disintegrate.

He raced back to Kagome's side, finding her slowly fading from her youth to become a grey crone. His heart panged and he moved beside her, pressing the jewel to her chest, between her breasts. The jewel did not react. He snarled and ignored the eyes that were on him. He leaned and pressed his brow to hers, whispering huskily against her lips. "Bring her back, Midoriko, or I swear I will destroy this jewel if only so I may rend your soul. She is mine. She has always been mine and always will be. I will set this world on fire if you let her leave me."

www.dokuga.com/spark/story/6543/1
Heart of my Soul by OnyxIvyStone
Sometimes when you win, you lose.
Rating: R - Universe: Canon - Status: Complete - Genre: Angst/Drama
Updated: 06-23-07 - Chapters: 5 - Reviews 7 - Words 16,542

He smiled charmingly and joked, "If you ever feel tired of waiting for that man, or demon, as the case may be, my household is big enough for a second wife."

Kagome punched Miroku on the head and snorted. "As if, Miroku. In your dreams."

Stumbling after her retreating form the monk pleaded, "I was just joking! You'll not share this little jest between friends with Sango, right?"

Stopping, Kagome glanced over her shoulder at Miroku with a mysterious glint in her eye before resuming her steady pace.

He groaned. Women were devilish creatures! "Please??? She'll hurt me!"

A Sentinel Mother by Demonlordlover2
www.dokuga.com/spark/story/7334/1
*Reposting with permission from Demonlordlover* Marked by the gods, claimed by Sesshoumaru, Kagome gives up her dreams of a normal life to become mother to a special breed of youkai, the Sentinels.
Rating: NC-17 - Universe: Canon - Status: Complete - Genre: Action/Adventure
Updated: 12-22-07 - Chapters: 31 - Reviews 15 - Words 189,316

*I love this fic!

"What just happened?" Kagome whispered.

"We kissed." Sesshoumaru stated in a husky, passion-laden voice. Kagome felt as his cool fingers urged her chin up. She met his gaze uncertainly. "You did not enjoy it."

It wasn't a question. The tai-youkai for some reason was assuming. Kagome touched her fingertips to her lips and looked to Sesshoumaru.

"That's not true." She said softly. She closed her eyes, fiercely trying to squeeze back tears. What was going on here? What was this feeling? Is this...?

'Love?' Kagome thought faintly. 'It couldn't be...'

"What are you doing, Sesshoumaru?"

She met his gaze once more. Sesshoumaru looked to the sky, seemingly taking solace in the moonlight.

"Following in my father's footsteps." He said quietly.

Kagome frowned, unsure whether he meant that as a good or bad thing.

He looked to Kagome somberly. "I have fallen in love with you." He said bluntly.

*sighs* Such a wonderful fic!!! I was re-reading yesterday...

Triple Threat, by Irulanna (Mature Rated)

“Hey. Is it true you serve Higurashi-sama? That you’re gunning for “Number One” associate?” That was his first encounter with the term, whatever it was, but Sesshoumaru would have nodded an answer had he not been beaten to it.

“I hope you know what you’re doing, man. Prodigy or not – if those papers Yura’s uncle made were even the least bit truthful – the Sumiyoshi group is no trifling clan.,” the man – no, youth, – smirked. He eyed Sesshoumaru from head to toe, and it was apparent that he was not impressed with Sesshoumaru’s good looks or forbidding mien.

“And, Taisho, no matter how good looking people are, if they have nothing to back it up, then they’re useless after all, ne? Higurashi-sama ain’t shallow; and it’d be better if she had someone recognized by the Society.”

Sesshoumaru let out a displeased huff through his nose. “This Sesshoumaru thanks you for your concern,” foolish human, “However, I do not believe we have been introduced.” And for you to randomly insult this Sesshoumaru is annoying; furthermore, impertinent pup, I am recognized however only by those important enough in the know.

“It does not matter,” the young male thinly replied, “I’ve been training for the future Sumiyoshi-rengo head; I’m not going to let some new pretty boy take the position for Higurashi-ojou-sama’s right hand.” The strange hostile young man turned abruptly on his heel and moved to leave the corridor.

But before he could pass beyond the arch marking the end of the hall –

“Ouch – what the **** – what the **** is this freakin’ pastry doing here? That wasn’t there before! – “

– the youth tripped. On a richly topped chocolate éclair.

The young man grumbled as he glared at Sesshoumaru and the silver tray of pastries he carried.

“Watch where you drop those, will you?” The unnamed, embarrassed human snarled.

Sesshoumaru nodded, but calmly resumed his route as he balanced the small tray to wipe his claws clean of creamy chocolate that had somehow managed to smear his fingers in the time it took for the male to leave.

Sesshoumaru almost felt petty, but the slight smirk told of certain satisfaction.
-snicker- It's more like an unforgettable scene ;3

From : Having Fallen Off by LeSinner, Chapter 6

ADMINISTRATOR EDIT: Link to story is rated M - NO YIMs

Whispers and howls on the wind told him something ELSE had snatched her. Those incompetent, sorry excuses for kami had lost their hostage! This was no doubt becoming the worst night of Sesshoumaru's life. That damnable girl had been kidnapped twice while under his protection. The normally composed youkai seethed and aloud a rather wild snarl to pass his lips. How did the mutt only manage to lose her every few weeks he thought? If Sesshoumaru was all great and powerful like he claimed to be, why could he not protect a human girl for more than a day?

*laughs*

It's from We Keep Getting Stuck, by i am a bunny...

Awesome fic, if you don't know it yet, read first Stuck - search in the author's profile.

these all sound so hilarious xD

"This Sesshoumaru tires of waiting," he said, gazing out the side window. Kagome tried not to laugh. It was such a Sesshoumaru way of asking 'Are we there yet?'

He looked bored, but Kagome could feel his aura stirring with energy, like a puppy straining at its leash. It affected her too; Kagome practically wriggled in her seat, a giddy thrill zinging through her. She loved this. They'd driven for hours under cover of darkness to get this far from civilization, but it was so worth it.

As if sensing her enthusiasm, he turned and grinned; she grinned back.

"Don't forget the contingency plan."

Solemn nod. "If anyone sees, I render them dead—

"Unconscious, you render them unconscious—"

"And you douse them in liquor to discredit them."

"Right. Almost there."

From Dog at Heart by Tally Mark

Gina knew what last night was. "Sesshoumaru," she scolded, "you bad dog. Doing such a thing, then blabbing about it? Did you learn nothing when we were young?"

He made to go after her, but Gina stopped him. "You'll want to give her some time to cool down. Then be prepared to grovel."

"I don't grovel."

"You do now."

Sesshoumaru raised a brow as he glanced at her from the corner of his golden eyes. The things she was saying were strange and he very reluctantly felt an unwelcome curiosity bubbling in his chest. "You live in a well?" he asked blandly.

"No, of course not," she scowled before realizing that he wasn't trying to be mocking or funny, but that he truly did not know of the powers the well possessed and how she used them. "My home is through the well. I'm from the future... You didn't know that?" She asked incredulously. "Weird. I guess I just always thought you would have figured it out somehow."

Now that she thought about it, why had she figured that he knew she was from the future? It wasn't exactly a deduction one commonly made on their own.

I say, that girl is quite strange.

Yes, I concur.

She must be from the future!

Undoubtedly!

Kagome mentally shook herself and vowed to stop having fake conversations in her head.

This one also made me laugh:

I wish I could sit him like Inuyasha! She thought furiously and then smirked as an image of Sesshoumaru being magically pounded into the dirt came to mind.

She imagined it would go something like this:

"Sesshoumaru, sit boy!"

Wham!

Sesshoumaru transforms into a giant, acid breathing dog and devours her.


Of Gods and Demons by ToWriteLoveOnAPage
Chapter 6 and 7

"Oh really, cause dressing as a **** really sends out the feminist message, why don't you just wear a sign that says your prices." Kagome growled, "Moreover, I don't care what those two queens do. It's a ******* free country and I don't give a ****."

Sango muttered, "Gawd someone needs so medication cause I know they are caring some nastiness. STD alert." She was wearing her ever classic Sailor Jupiter garb as she wandered to stand beside Kagome.

Yura sneered crossing her arms over her tiny yellow costume, her red jacket falling off her shoulders. "Oh really, you ******* are just jealous that we can keep men satisfied." She flipped her hair.

"Oh really indeed. And I can keep Miroku plenty happy, just cause I am not a skank doesn't mean anything about our sexual life." She growled in Yura's face.

Suddenly a powder blue steak landed from a level above them. "In the name of good fashion taste I will defeat you." Jakotsu bellowed playing with his blonde pigtailed wig. And then he twirled and slapped Kagura in the face.

Best moment ever XD
Sugar We're Goin Down
www.fanfiction.net/s/6083219/1/Sugar_Were_Goin_Down
Rated M, no Yims!!!

I am beyond shocked that no one has quoted from this delectable MontiK fic aptly titled Underpants Gnomes. So here is a quote i love:


"What are you shouting about, woman?", Sesshoumaru asked in an exasperated tone.

"Don't you 'woman' me, Sesshoumaru!", Kagome shouted back, hand on her hips looking aboslutly livid. "You did it again! I don't know why you think you need to steal my underpants when we LIVE together! But you did it again!"

He frowned, "I did no such thing."

She gaped at him, "So how... just HOW? Did all my underwear dissapear from the dirty laundry AGAIN?!"

He got up from the couch deciding this needed to be dealt with. He breezed past the flustered Kagome and into the small laundry. He took a cursory sniff and nodded to himself. Just as he suspected.

"Underpants Gnomes", He stated vaguely before going back to indulge in a relaxing movie.

This has been use many times by several authors and in different formats.

"Miko"

"Youkai" Kagome replys.

"Woman" Sesshoumaru said, his tolerance slipping.

"Male." Kagome calmly says. He narrows his eye at her. "I know you know my name. Use it if you want my attention."

Pixie Kagome giggled, perched upon the miko’s shoulder with her legs crossed and her foot bobbing. She leaned forward and placed her chin in her hands, sighing wistfully. Have you ever seen a more perfect butt in all of Japan?

Shut up! Kagome squeaked, a blush coloring her cheeks. This is Sesshomaru we’re talking about here. Remember the last mess you got us into?

Pixie Kagome harrumphed. Sure sure, but come on. LOOK at that butt! It’s just so perfect and perky and round and… PERFECT!

Kagome bit back an embarrassed squeal. Nevertheless, her eyes were drawn to the taiyoukai’s rump, watching the muscles bunch and relax as he walked.

You’d do Houshi-sama proud, Pixie Kagome sniffled, flicking away an imaginary tear.

Okay, that was priceless. You know you'd look too. Thanks to ErinNicole and her wonderful story Mad World

I loves the Pixie Kagome

ADMINISTRATIVE EDIT: Story rated MA, no YIMs

“Chivalry’s dead, and Sesshoumaru-sama killed it.”
From Forthright's Lord Charming. I had to laugh at that line, it could be applied to a few different people I know. I love how she put that.

hey i think i have read this somewhere but i can't remeber what the story is called could you tell me please and the author if you don't mind.