I found this on disc while searching for something else. I think, at some point a couple years ago, someone either sent it to me or I posted it on a blog somewhere, I don't know the source for sure. However, reading through it, i got a couple good snickers out of it so i was going to share. Feel free to add your own!

Life Lessons We Should Have Been Told About

As children, we learned many lessons about life and what to avoid. Even as an adult those lessons never really stop. However, there are some very important things were missed. Below are a few of them.

You shouldn’t try to write metaphoric poetry while under the influence of pain killers.

Just when you think things can’t get any worse, they do.

You’re more likely to do something embarrassing in public than you would when you’re alone

Falling asleep while watching the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon can lead to some very strange dreams.

Never fry bacon without clothes on.

No matter how much proof there is for something some people will always deny it.

You’re more apt to get something on white clothes than colored ones.

You’re not going to be able to find something important and that you know you have when you need it but it’s going to turn up a few days later when you no longer need it.

The later you are for something the more likely something will start to malfunction or go wrong.

Just because someone looks like an adult doesn’t mean they’re going to act like one.

Chances are when you injure something and try to be careful with it you’re going to end up bumping it against something.

A few days after getting rid of something you’re going to need it.

When you need the police they aren’t there but if you speed, they are.

Kids can get child proof caps off bottles but adults can’t.

Most things aren’t as easy as they look.

Never underestimate stupid people in large groups.

The more important the project the more likely something’s going to get screwed up.

Everyone is someone elses weirdo.

When you’re on the phone is when people decide they HAVE to talk to you.

The person that does the least work is the ones that tend to complain about being overworked.

People who think they’re funny usually aren’t.

Every time you try to save money, something goes wrong and you end up spending it.

Truth is subjective.

No matter how stupid something is, someone’s going to try it.

The weirder the theory, the more people are going to believe it.

When you’ve forgotten to save something you’re working on periodically like you should, the program will crash, resulting in you losing it.

As soon as you sit down on the toilet the phone is going to ring.

Nothing tastes as good as the first time you tried it.

Nothing is foolproof.

No matter how simple instructions are, someone’s going to do it wrong.

Butter knives are sharp enough to cut through human skin.

There are a lot of things about history that are never mentioned in history class.

Most of the time people who could really use the money don’t win the lottery.

The louder the toy, the more kids like it.

Hard work will get you promotions but brown-nosing will get you there faster.

Just because someone has a college degree doesn’t mean they aren’t an idiot.

Bullies aren’t just in schools.

You can’t ‘unsee’ something.

Danyealle-sama wrote:
[quote]
The louder the toy, the more kids like it.
quote]

A perscription for Valium helps...but only a little.

I can't think of any to add but BAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! So true!

off to repost haha

Never fry bacon without clothes on.

Been there, done that... not a good idea. (to be fair I was wearing a swimsuit but same principle)

Mine:
The baby won't cry until you get into the shower and your hair's all soapy.

This is hilarious and so very true.

I have one too. Courtesy of my Dad.

So we were having spaghetti tonight for dinner and my Dad is getting the sauce into a bowl to heat it up. He gets almost all of it out of the plastic jar, but there is still a little left that won't come out. He decides to put the lid back on and run the hot water over it for a few minutes. The heat made the sauce gather at the top of the jar so he took it out and went to open the lid and pour it. Boom! It exploded in his face and got everywhere.

Lesson: Never heat sealed containers. It will not end well.

I couldn't stop laughing after he told me. Priceless.