Come to Shore by kaoruhana

Come to Shore

A/N: This story began as a story for "Think Pink" in October, then was going to be reworked into a fic for the Holiday Exchange. Instead, it became a monster (albeit a tamed one) and it became it's own independent work, not written for any prompt or challenge but written for someone.  

I'd like to thank Beloved Stranger for all the help she's given me as I wrote this.  I'd also like to thank MidoriHaru (on FF.net) for all the help she's given me in editing as well.  These two sat with me through my complaints, the unfinished drafts, and were more than willing to help me as and when needed.  And they pushed themselves knowing that I had set a time limit. 

This is written for Beloved Stranger and for all of those who have a loved one who's had cancer or has it, or for anyone who knows someonw with a physical injury.  The story focuses a lot on the body and how one perceives their body after a monumental change.  

I do not have any affiliation with Inuyasha, Toyo University, or anything else I forgot to mention in this disclaimer.  

 * * * * *

Kagome looked at herself in the mirror. The last time she had seen her reflection she had been a true woman; she had been a woman in the physical sense. It wasn't that she wasn't part of the female gender anymore, but rather, a part of her felt that she didn't deserve to be called a woman anymore. Her eyes averted from to her chest, to the place marred with pink lines, flatness, and stitches. This was where her left breast had once been. Now, it was flat, a mockery of what it once was. And it looked ugly, like she was a doll who had stuffing taken out and was stitched back together to prevent more from falling out.

Wasn't that what she was now? A broken doll put back together?

She wondered again about her gender. Was a female who only had one breast still female? Her hand rose but didn't touch and instead hovered over the area where she had been operated. She couldn't touch it yet, at least not now. It would be too much for her. The sight of it was jarring enough. To feel it, touch it, would scare her more than she would like to admit, and would make the situation real.

She brought her hand down and forced herself to look away from that glaring sight in the mirror, to take in the entire image: the entire Kagome. It was odd to see herself now, odd to see this asymmetric being in front of her. Before the surgery, before the diagnosis, she had been asymmetric because of her eyes, the way her nose was a little sharper on the left. Now, she was glaringly asymmetric and she felt as though the world could immediately see it and would tell her about it. She wanted to hide from herself and from the world. She had known what the surgery entailed but knowing was never the same as seeing or experiencing.

Tears misted her eyes and she bit her lip to stop them. She was done with the crying, done with the idea of being upset. But it was hard to pretend that she didn't care. It was hard to pretend when a part of her—a very important part of her—was gone forever. No matter what anyone said, the loss of that one breast was jarring; it was a modification to her body and her way of life. She hadn't realized that the loss would affect her as much as it had.

Kagome hadn't had the chance to see herself since the two weeks after the operation. While it was true that her bandages had to be removed to remove the excess fluid and check blood flow, it was generally a process that hurt and thus, she closed her eyes during the process. Her mother and Hitomi had helped her as needed, but it didn't ease the pain, discomfort, or feeling of helplessness as they checked her. And now, today, after an entire two weeks of bandages and painful procedures, the doctors had assured her the wound was closed and that she was done with hospital visits for the time being.

"Kagome?"

Hastily, the young woman wiped away the few tears misting near her eyes. Gingerly, she pulled her shirt down as best as she could before checking to make sure she hadn't bit her lip till it bled. She wasn't wearing a bra yet, her bandages having just come off. The doctors assured her she could start getting back into routine clothing choices and such soon enough. Schooling her features, she opened the door to the hospital bathroom and stepped out.

Her mother stood by the bathroom door and her brother and his wife by the bed. The expressions on their faces were sympathetic. But she didn't want the sympathy. They didn't know what it was like to have a part of themselves missing. Instead of being scornful, as she wanted to be, she gave them a hesitant smile and stepped out of the bathroom, making her way towards the bed. The surgery had only hurt her left arm and torso. No heavy bending or heavy lifting, the doctor had warned her last night. Not that it mattered.

Kagome gave a small smile to her mother. The only reason her family was here was because she was being discharged today after the checkup procedure last night, and they wanted to be there when she left. But it didn't make her feel better. The comfort she should have received about going home wasn't there. Instead, there was pain—physical, mental and emotional—and a lingering feeling of shame.

She was a survivor in a sense, a survivor of cancer, but she was a survivor who had given up a part of herself—a breast—to save her life. A part of her was afraid for her future and what it would mean when she left. Shaking her head to clear those thoughts, she took her brother's hand when he offered it and smiled hesitantly at Hitomi. It was hard not to be resentful of the younger woman who was still whole, still a normal woman.

"Let's go home, Kagome nee-san." Hitomi stated taking the bag of toiletries by the bed into her hands.

Too tired and shocked by the events, Kagome only gave a nod. And as much as she hated to admit it, a part of her was glad that it was her brother and not the other two women who helped her out of the hospital. She didn't feel whole—like a whole female—and until she felt comfortable that way, she knew she wouldn't like being in the company of other females. Before they left, her brother stopped her.

"Fall's here, why don't you button up that coat?" She turned teary eyes to him, wondering how he saw through her but nodded, extracting her shaky fingers from his and zipped up the jacket she wore.

Just for a little while, she wanted to hide and pretend she was normal.

 * * * * *

A month since the surgery found Kagome working at a local bookstore. It was a place where she could hide behind books and it was a place she could soon leave. She started chemotherapy in two months and would have to leave her job then. The chemotherapy was another preventive measure, one meant to make sure that any remaining tumor within her would never grow. She had been briefed about the procedures, was being prepared for what they would mean, and she was glad that the bookstore gave her time to relax from it all.

Adjusting the scarf she wore, she was silently grateful for the November chill. Having a mastectomy as winter hit gave her time to hide—time to camouflage—the missing breast. She wondered, sometimes, if it was right to hide it. But when she would attempt to go out without the scarf, the idea that someone would see and say something to her in regards to her missing breast would always hold her back. It wasn't like she would see anyone anytime soon anyway, she mused wryly. Until June, she'd only be at the shrine, recovering from her chemotherapy sessions.

A sound to her left caught her attention and she turned to the man who had stopped by the cash register. Her scarf moved, the dratted thing wasn't cooperating with her today, and she unconsciously shrunk into herself as she accepted the books from him. A hand—and an arm—reached out and helped her and she hesitated for a moment before looking up to see the owner of said arm. A man—tall and handsome—stood in front of her. His hair fell over his shoulders in waves and an empty sleeve stood out starkly against the material of his coat. She realized that he had strategically placed his long silver hair to cover it and prevent prying eyes from noticing.

This man was like her, she realized with a gasp. Her hand automatically reached for her empty area and his eyes followed her movements. They narrowed in realization.

"You are like me," he surmised, his rich and deep voice washing over her.

Kagome hesitated in answering since it had taken a while for her to accept her physical state. And even longer to admit it to someone else. He was waiting for her answer though.

"Yes, we are alike." The words had been harder to say than she realized. Had she been in denial about her condition for so long?

Kagome tore her eyes away from him and rung up the purchases before turning to him with the bill. Her eyes caught his and the young woman shrank in on herself, feeling like he was seeing something in her soul that she wanted to hide. He couldn't understand what it was like to lose what she had, and she hoped he wouldn't offer her sympathy. She didn't want sympathy or pity from someone who she felt was able to bore into her soul. An arm was not a breast. It was not something that was an essential part of who she was in regards to her gender and any future children who she might never breastfeed.

As soon as she thought that though, she couldn't help but wince and berate herself mentally. What good was a thought like that? An arm was less important than a breast? Of course, the physical and emotional damage might be different, but she didn't need a breast to survive, to carry things, to hold open doors. It wasn't fair of her to treat him so when she was merely angry at herself and her current situation. The bill held out in her hands as a peace offering was waiting for him to take it.

He took the bill and stood by the counter. Curious, she waited to see what he had to say. Surely, he wasn't angry at her or thought that she was pitying him? The man cleared his throat, forcing her to look at his face, instead of at the counter like she had been doing. He seemed hesitant to speak, but it was quite obvious he wanted to talk to her about something. She was tempted to ask him about what it was but before she could, he spoke.

"I am… part of a group helping those who are amputee victims get support," he stated, his eyes softening. "Would you like to attend one of our meetings?"

Kagome averted her eyes, a little startled by his words. First, she wanted to argue that she wasn't an amputee. She had survived cancer. But, no matter what she said, the act of losing a limb to save her life meant that she was an amputee by definition, didn't it? Still, would the people in the group be able to help her? Could they help the woman who was so insecure about a missing body part that she could hide when they couldn't hide theirs? The man was still waiting as she thought on what to say. They were alone in the shop, no other customers having arrived, and he was waiting for her response, not moving from his position.

She wondered why he, a stranger to her in all pretenses, invited her to such a meeting. He did not know her, he did not know whether or not she was lying about her condition. He didn't even know whether or not she was a likely candidate for the group. Yet, as she stared at him, she wanted to know even for a minute just who the others were within this group and what physical problems they faced. Were they cancer survivors like her? Could they help her feel more secure in her body? Could these sessions make her as confident about herself as this man was?

"When and where are they?" She asked, beginning the process of bagging the books to keep herself busy. It wouldn't hurt to know, to think on the information and decide, she surmised.

The man handed her a card as he took the books from her, causing their hands to brush. "Tonight-Thursday, at the bakery down the street. We meet two times a week, and our meetings usually start at nine." She hesitated but took the card from him. She didn't know if she wanted to go, if she should go. But a part of her craved this; she craved for someone to understand what she was going through, how she felt missing a part of her body.

He spoke again. "Will you come?" She hesitated before replying.

"Maybe." And it was true. She had no idea if she wanted to go just yet. Hopefully, she'd have an idea by the end of the day.

The man smiled and gave her a nod before he left, taking his books with him. His silver hair swished behind him and Kagome couldn't help but to notice it: the empty sleeve that was carefully hidden, the way he balanced the books with his right hand. He still looked so handsome though and so proud. She wished she had the courage he did. Looking down at the card again, she wondered if going to that meeting would give her the same courage he had.

As he left, she read over the card, looked over it, and memorized it by reading it over so much. Sesshomaru Taisho from the Lost Limbs Support Group. Hesitating, she pocketed it and made up her mind. It wouldn't hurt to look and see, to try something that might help her get used to this new body. So maybe, she'd give this opportunity a chance.

It was five in the evening when she left the bookstore, saying goodnight to the elderly couple that ran it. Hesitating, she looked down the street where the bakery was. She'd never been inside it but had heard about it. It was apparently popular and made some of the best cakes in their neighborhood. She watched for a moment as people walked around her on the sidewalk, some even going into the bakery. There were giggling teenagers, children dragging their parents in by the hand, and ordinary office employees picking up a treat on their way home from work.

Looking away, she bundled into her coat and made her way to the family shrine, deciding to think about the bakery later. Her own house wasn't far; all she had to do was take a right turn at the next street over and walk towards the end where a towering set of stairs led up to a hill that housed her family's residence. The cold wind blew mercilessly today, and she huddled into herself as she walked. Normally, the scarves she had come to wear were fashion accessories, but today they were also a necessity to keep her neck warm.

The normal five minute walk was longer today as she battled the cold and wind. And with her mind preoccupied, she didn't realize she had come home until the house appeared in front of her vision. Huffing from having walked up the stairs in the cold wind, Kagome entered her house.

"Tadaima," she called out. Her grandfather was sitting on the sofa, watching the evening news on the NHK, while her mother was in the kitchen. She noticed that her sister-in-law hadn't greeted her yet. Her grandfather gave her a nod before his attention moved back to the television.

"Kagome!" her mother called out from the kitchen. "Okaeri." Following the sound, the young woman walked into the kitchen where she noted a burnt pot in the kitchen sink. Normally, Hitomi returned home as soon as school ended at four and her teaching job finished. The burnt pot indicated that she must have been sent on some grocery errands on her way home today.

"Would you be a dear and take tea to your grandfather once you wash your hands? I was caught up in a phone call with Dr. Ogawa and am afraid I let the rice burn, so I have to start over."

"It's fine," Kagome answered as she removed her jacket. "Why did the doctor call?" It wasn't like Dr. Ogawa to hide things from her. She was his patient and as such he couldn't and shouldn't disclose information to anyone but her.

"Oh, he just needed to move your pre-chemotherapy counseling appointment to three p.m. next Tuesday. Apparently, there's been a scheduling error." Kagome let out a relieved sigh. She knew that her mother—and the rest of her family—had been concerned with how she was coping after the surgery, but she didn't want any of them to feel they needed to go behind her back.

Hesitating, she addressed her mother. "I have to go somewhere tonight." Her mother looked up from where she was checking the rice.

"Where are you going?" she asked, a hint of motherly concern coating her words.

"To the bakery near where I work." Kagome fidgeted, feeling as though she were being scrutinized by her mother. "I was invited to attend a meeting." Her mother's face showed open curiosity now, and Kagome wondered if it was safe to talk to her about the invite. Finally, she licked her lips and spoke again.

"A man came into the bookstore today. He…he runs an amputee support group, and he invited me to attend." She neglected to mention that he was an amputee himself, which was information her mother didn't need to know. Silence descended on the kitchen as she waited for her mother to say something in response to her words.

"Do you feel like it would help you?" her mother finally hedged as she turned back to the rice lest she let this pot burn as well.

"I don't know," Kagome answered truthfully, feeling like, for the first time in two months, she was having an insightful conversation with her mother. How long had it been since she had gone to her mother like a little girl needing reassurance? Not since before the surgery and her bitter feelings had taken root.

"Do what you feel is right, Kagome," her mother said at last, giving her a kind smile over her shoulder. "I'll support you, okay?" Kagome smiled back, relieved at having her mother's acceptance. It felt good to know that someone in her family could maybe understand that she needed someone else's help to move on.

She made to move out of the kitchen, but stopped. "Will you not tell anyone?" she asked as she made her way out of the kitchen. Her mother hesitated but nodded, understanding why her daughter might want this privacy. Kagome needed to sort out her own feelings first before she could approach her family with them.

"Of course, now why don't you go wash up? I think your grandfather would like his tea soon."

Grateful for the change in topic and distraction from the current conversation, Kagome nodded and left the kitchen. She'd think about the meeting later.

Later that night, Kagome bundled up in her jacket and scarf, placing gloves in her coat pocket for good measure and slipping into her boots. True to her words, her mother hadn't breathed a word of her excursion during dinner, and now, as she snuck out of her house, she was grateful that her mother had distracted her family from noticing her disappearance. A sound behind her caught her attention, and she turned to see her brother leaning against the entrance to the genkan, his eyes narrowed.

"Where are you going?" he asked carefully, his protective streak coming out. Since the surgery, he had taken to coddling her. It irritated her now, because she wasn't a child. She was able to do some things on her own now after the surgery. Even the doctor had stated she could go out on her own as long as she didn't overtax her body.

"It's none of your business, Souta." Her words were clipped but she felt she had a right to them. She was already a little late, and she wanted to leave soon. Plus, her brother had no right to control her in this way.

"It's nearing nine, Kagome; what meeting do you have that is so important?"

"It's my personal business, Souta." She watched as her brother's eyes narrowed in anger.

"It's a guy then, is it?"

Huffing, and now more frustrated than she had been a few moments ago, she pushed open the shoji door to the outside of the house. She could care less what, or who, he thought she was meeting. She was late and she wanted to go to that meeting to have her curiosity sated and maybe, just maybe, meet some minds who understood her. She took a step outside and turned to look over her shoulder, seeing her mother arrive. The elder female nodded, and with a grateful smile, Kagome left, knowing that her brother wouldn't make a move to stop her now.

She had never ventured into the bakery. It was relatively new, only having been around for six months but was quite a popular one. Apparently, the bakery had been located in another neighborhood for three years but as popularity grew, the owner had decided to move to a location that would accommodate the larger crowds. She tried to remember what had been there before. A restaurant, a noddle shop, wasn't it? She recalled the restaurant closing when the elderly couple who ran it moved to Sendai to help their daughter take care of their grandchildren.

There was a closed sign hanging from the store door and she hesitated before opening the door and stepping inside. A teenager looked up from sweeping the floor and greeted her.

"Good evening. I'm sorry but the shop is closed for the night." Kagome hesitated, wondering if she should take this chance to leave. It wouldn't be right though, her mind supplied.

"I'm not here to buy." She realized how bad the words sounded coming from her mouth and cringed. "I'm here for a meeting."

"Oh!" The teenager leaned the broom she was using against a table and wiped her hands on her apron. "I'll take you there. It's always held upstairs." She led Kagome to a set of stairs at the back of the store, and they climbed up to reach the second floor.

The second floor of the bakery consisted of a large open space and a wall with a door built in. It was that door the teenager pointed to.

"That's the room the meetings are always held in."

"I see. Thank you." Kagome bowed gently and watched as the teenager took it as a dismissal and left. Once she was alone, she carefully, cautiously approached the door and opened it.

Inside, a group of four sat around a table. There were two people in wheelchairs, a man and a woman, and a young man smiled at her as she entered. The man from the afternoon sat at the edge of the table, drinking some tea and not participating in any of the conversations. The youth she had seen indicated the seat next to him, and she noticed his arms, or rather, the prosthetic one that was his left. Hesitantly, she moved towards him and took a seat, waiting to see what would happen. It was the man from the afternoon who spoke first.

"I am glad you were able to make it." Startled, she could only nod, wondering what to do. She was curious. How did those in the wheelchairs get to the second floor? And just who were these people? A quick clearing of a throat caused the conversations to lull and the man from the afternoon spoke.

"Welcome back everyone." He pushed his empty tea cup to the side. "I hope your day has been well." His eyes then moved to Kagome. "As you can see, we have a new guest today. Why don't we introduce ourselves, and then she can introduce herself?"

"I'll start!" It was the youth who spoke. "My name's Takamura, Kohaku, and I lost an arm in a car accident a year ago." He moved his arm and then grinned at Kagome, who was a little surprised at his carefree attitude.

"My name is Kiyosato, Suzuka," the woman stated. "I was in a skiing accident seven years ago. The nerve damage from the accident paralyzed me." The man across form her, who Kagome noticed now was American based on the US Army T-shirt he wore, took a deep breath. A part of his face was scarred: the area around his left eye and ear.

"My name is Ken Yamada-san. I was in Afghanistan and was hit by a roadside bomb," he stated. His Japanese was heavily accented, and he flushed in embarrassment at Kagome's curious stare. With a nervous laugh, he began explaining, trying his hardest to remember the rules governing the spoken Japanese language and incorporating them into his speech. "After the accident, I came to Japan to explore my family roots. I have cousins here who I wanted to meet."

Kagome didn't ask further about him. Instead, she found it curious that a man like him would want to move to Tokyo instead of staying where most of the Americans stayed: Okinawa. Still, she supposed that was his tale to tell if he wanted to. All eyes then turned to the man sitting at the head of the table, to the right of Kagome. He locked eyes with her and began to speak in a voice that was confident and strong. It made her feel like she was the center of his complete attention.

"My name is Taisho, Sesshomaru. I lost my arm in a car accident." His eyes grew distant but he didn't waver in his speaking. "I run the Lost Limbs Support Group in Tokyo."

He pushed away from the table to highlight his missing arm. "When I first lost my arm, I had trouble coping. Without the guidance of my mentor, I wouldn't have had the courage to move forward. He helped me move on and accept the loss of my missing limb while still encouraging me and teaching me how to do things without it."

Moving back closer to the table, he continued. "As such, this is not a regular support group. Here we focus on our bodies, our image, and our sense of self. Here we overcome the physical and mental obstacles and come to terms with the fact that we are all capable, that we are all beautiful or handsome." Sesshomaru stood, his form towering over the others. "We are capable of love and being loved and of being human beings who have a part to play in society. You all deserve to be given a chance, and it is my hope that you walk out of this meeting feeling more confident in yourself."

Kagome let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. At the sound, all eyes in the room turned to her and she flushed in embarrassment. She was a little startled by his words, at the nonchalant manner in which he had spoken. These were the same thoughts and questions that had been plaguing her mind since the mastectomy. She hadn't realized that she wasn't the only one to have questions like these.

"Why don't you introduce yourself?" Sesshomaru asked, placing her on the spot. Kagome avoided eye contact with him, more nervous than she was before. Could she do this? Looking around, she noticed that the others were eagerly waiting to hear too. They had shared their stories, wasn't it only right she do the same? Licking dry lips, she steeled her courage and opened her mouth to speak.

"My name is Higurashi, Kagome." Gulping, she continued. "I… two months ago, I had a mastectomy. In another few months, I'll undergo chemotherapy." It was surprising how easy it was to speak after the first few words had left her mouth. Had she been wanting to tell someone about her condition that badly?

"A cancer survivor?" Ken stated, his eyes widening. "Congratulations!"

She was surprised by his felicitations. What was there to be congratulated about? She had lost a breast. So what if she had beaten a disease that apparently killed others? In today's society getting breast cancer and surviving it were incidents that were becoming more and more commonplace, right? Wasn't she one in many, not one of a few? Her surprise must have shown on her face, for Sesshomaru spoke, gaining the group's attention once more.

"Defeating a disease that is deadly, no matter how it is done, is a feat that can't be ignored."

Kagome blinked, not having realized what her condition meant. For so long, she had been focused on her body, her self-image, that she had forgotten what it was her body had done and what it was the doctors had done for her. She was alive. Yes, she had lost a body part, but because the doctors had been able to spot the tumor, they had been able to remove it, to save her life. The sudden reality of the news was startling.

"We will pair up today," Sesshomaru announced, interrupting her thinking a little. Her mind was still stuck on what the mastectomy and chemotherapy meant for her as a cancer patient rather than what they meant for her as an individual who was undergoing body changes. "Yamada-san and Kiyosato-san pair up. Takamura-kun, Higurashi-san, and I will pair up. The goal is to discuss what you did today and what sorts of things you noticed and felt about your body when you did those things. Yamada-san, we discussed your ability to look in the mirror and windows. Did you practice?"

The man grinned, and Kagome felt a brief pang of pity. While the surgeries could fix his face, the scars would take longer to heal and until then, he would look a little scary. It wasn't fair, she thought, that someone like him would have to go through this just for fighting in a war and protecting those he cared for.

"I got to ten minutes, and I was able to walk past shop windows without snuggling into my jacket." Kagome understood his words, though his phrasing was odd. She supposed it was because he wasn't used to speaking Japanese as much as he was now. She also empathized with him. How many times had she shied away from her reflection in the storefront windows? More times than she could count.

"When is your surgery?" Sesshomaru continued as he moved his chair closer to Kagome and Kohaku. Curious, Kagome waited to hear the answer. She hadn't known that the soldier was going into surgery. What was it for?

"Next week, actually. The doctors said that my eyesight will probably never be back to normal but that they can at least fix the scars on my face. According to them, the skin grafts shouldn't be too hard to find nor will they take too long to heal." He pointed to his left cheek, scarred terribly from the burns he had suffered. "It's this part. Right now, I just want it fixed enough so that I don't scare off the little kids anymore, you know?"

Kagome didn't know. Instead, she merely nodded, offering the man a small smile. And that was all she could do because Sesshomaru chose that moment to break them into the two groups.

"Higurashi-san," he began, "since this is your first time, I'll guide you through this. We generally address the issues we struggle with most on a daily basis and then set targets to move on from them."

"That's all?" Kagome asked a little confused. While she didn't doubt it would be difficult to move on and look at things, she had thought that the actual support group would offer more things, though she wasn't sure what those were either.

"At the moment, yes," Sesshomaru stated, his face showing a bit of irritation. "I apologize if this is not to your tastes."

Guilty, Kagome averted her eyes to the floor. "I am sorry," she murmured, her voice soft and wavering. "I just… I've never been to one of these and I – I suppose I wasn't sure what to expect." It was Kohaku who spoke now, his voice adding joviality and lightheartedness to the atmosphere.

"It's fine. I wasn't sure what this would be before Sesshomaru-nii-san brought me here. I can go first so that you have an idea of how this works." He turned to Sesshomaru. "Is that okay?"

"Hn," the elder male stated, leaning back in his chair and absently rubbing his left shoulder. He hated the phantom pains and how they continued to show up at random times, threatening to disrupt his days. Closing his eyes, he cleared his mind and made an effort to concentrate on what Kohaku was saying in an effort to forget the pain.

"Let's see – oh, I know! I made the soccer team, Sesshomaru-nii-san! The coach said he didn't want me to be a defender because he didn't want me to be near a spot where my prosthetic might be injured. But he thinks I'm perfect midfielder material!"

Sesshomaru let out a grin. It was hard for students like Kohaku to be accepted in school. But to hear that Kohaku had made the soccer team made his heart soar. When Kohaku had first walked into his shop six months ago, dragged behind his sister Rin, Sesshomaru had been surprised. At first, he had wondered if this boy was a new worker Rin wanted to hire and was tempted to shoo him away. But he had hesitated when his sister had pushed Kohaku in front of him.

"He wants to die," she had stated in a whisper. "Tell him he'll be fine, nii-chan!"

Sesshomaru had not been able to resist her plea. And when he saw Kohaku, he was reminded of his mentor, and how, without his mentor, he would never have been able to be here today. It hadn't taken him long to take the boy under his wing; though, it had been a learning process for both of them with lots of fighting, teeth pulling, and frustration. In the end though, the near suicidal boy had begun to regain his confidence and accept who he was.

Two months since the original meeting and coming after school to spend time at the bakery, Kohaku's sister and brother-in-law had come to the bakery to see who it was that had managed to lift up the spirits of Kohaku. After Sango-san had thanked him profusely, Sesshomaru had realized that perhaps there were others out there who, like Kohaku, needed someone to help them cope with their new life situations. And thus, he had created this group two months ago. At first, no one came but soon Kiyosato-san and Yamada-san had arrived. And today, he had known when he had seen Higurashi-san that perhaps she needed someone to talk to, someone to understand her.

"Congratulations, Kohaku-kun," he stated, calling the boy by his first name and smiling inwardly when the boy's eyes lit up at his usage of it. "You will have to provide me with a list of game times so that I can come and see you." The teenager flushed, unused to such praise, especially coming from someone he respected as much as he did Sesshomaru.

"You don't have to," the teenager mumbled. "But I'll give Rin-san a schedule." Sesshomaru gave a nod and then turned to Kagome.

"Now, you have an idea of what we do, Higurashi-san. How about you tell us about what you have done since the surgery?"

Kagome hesitated. What had she done since the surgery? Nothing like what Kohaku had done. She had merely found a job at the bookstore away from the shrine and had taken to buying as many scarves as she could find. Her fingers ran over one, the same one she had worn at the shop earlier, and Sesshomaru's eyes followed her movements.

"You wear scarves after the surgery?" he surmised. He had noticed how she used the scarf to hide something and had surmised she had an injury in the afternoon. After learning that it was a mastectomy, her actions made more sense. And it seemed his guess was correct when her eyes widened and her hands stilled on the scarf.

"Yes," Kagome answered after a silence. "I…" She fumbled with her thoughts, a little confused on what to say. "The scarf hides what… they hide the mastectomy."

"May I ask you to remove it?" Sesshomaru asked, trying to state his words and temper his tone.

When he had first lost his arm, he had taken to constantly wearing long sleeves and coats, trying to downplay the missing arm. And upon his first meeting with his mentor, a mentor his doctor had recommended, he had been told to take off his coat and accept his loss. It had been a shock then, but it had been the kick he needed to begin to think of himself in a new light. He had lost an arm, and he had to begin living his life that way. He could no longer hide, and he had to pick himself up and begin anew.

It had been hard, but Sesshomaru had done it, Kohaku had done it. He wanted this woman to be able to do the same.

Kagome's eyes watered. She didn't even know why they did. Couldn't he tell how important this was to her? Without the security blanket, she would be exposed and she wasn't ready for that. Her hands clutched at the scarf, crumpling it into her hands and her frame trembled.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, ashamed at her fear but more scared of what letting the scarf go would mean. "I can't do that today."

Sesshomaru wanted to force her but he didn't. Instead, he let her keep the scarf and instead changed the topic.

"You said you have to go through chemotherapy. May I ask why?"

Kagome let out a sigh of relief. This was something she felt better talking about. "The tumor has been removed, but the cells around it might still have a chance at being cancerous. This is to ensure that I am completely cancer free."

"I see," Sesshomaru answered as another flare of pain shot up near his shoulder. This time his wince couldn't be hidden.

"Are you all right?" Kagome asked. She suspected she knew what it was. The area around her left breast would hurt at odd times throughout the day. Phantom pains was what her doctor had called them.

"Yes," he murmured. It had been a long day, and it seemed his body was giving him a warning to quit. "I think I will end tonight's meeting early," he murmured tiredly.

"Are you okay?" Kohaku asked, standing up. "Should I call Rin…san?" The honorific at the end had been hastily tacked on at Sesshomaru's questioning glance. Really though, Kohaku didn't have to worry. Sesshomaru had long ago accepted his sister's affections and was willing to let her be with the teenage boy.

"It is fine," Sesshomaru assured the boy. "I apologize, Higurashi-san." Kagome didn't mind; in fact, she was glad that her first meeting was short and gave her time to process what had happened.

"It's alright," Kagome assured him, standing up as he did. She wrung her hands together for a moment. "When is the next meeting?"

Sesshomaru seemed surprised by her question, but his tone softened when he answered her. "Next Monday. We meet Mondays and Thursdays here at the same time."

"I see."

Kagome watched as he called the others together, apologized for cutting the meeting short, and dismissed them. On her way out the door, he called her name one more time and she paused, turning to see what he wanted. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Yamada-san and Kiyosato-san get into a spacious elevator that she had missed on her way into the room, answering her earlier question.

"Higurashi-san, I hope you will think of coming next Monday."

Kagome gave a smile and nodded. She hadn't known what to expect when she walked into the bakery, and this meeting wasn't exactly what she had expected. Still, it had made her feel something as she left. She felt accepted and as though she could come here and talk to the others about her struggles. It would take her many days to be as confident and comfortable as the others were but she wanted to try to get there. And she hoped that these people would help her.

 * * * * *

It was Sunday afternoon, a lazy day. A few cram school students had come to the store to buy study materials in the morning. Later, a parent had shown up with his three-year-old daughter, buying books for her birthday. After that, however, the store had been empty. It was only her in the store today since the elderly couple who ran the store had made a trip to Osaka to visit their daughter and grandchildren. She hoped that the rest of the day was just as empty and that he wouldn't show up again.

Kagome had first been in awe of the confidence Taisho-san seemed to carry, but now she was annoyed. Every day for the past week he had come to the bookstore to buy a new cram book for his sister or a cookbook that she asked him to buy. At first, she had thought his showing of sisterly affection was nice, but soon she had come to wish that Rin-san would stop being so eager to perfect recipes. Every day, as he paid for the books, Taisho-san would ask her if she was ready to remove the scarf yet.

The first time, she had been shocked and confused. The second time, she had been a little annoyed. Later, that annoyance had turned into frustration and finally, dread. Having him come to the store made her tense. The more he asked, the more she wanted her own questions answered. And the more she wanted to know his reasons behind asking. She grumbled under her breath as she thought about when he had visited yesterday, and Tanaka obaa-san, her manager, had been convinced Sesshomaru was flirting with her. The old lady's words had caused her much embarrassment.

Still, she wondered why Taisho-san couldn't understand that she wasn't ready to do what he asked of her yet.

The door to the store opened and a blast of cold air hit her. Looking up at who had entered, she let out a sigh, seeing it was the same man she had been hoping to avoid today. Why couldn't he give her a break or leave her alone? She was ready to throw something and yell at him but she hesitated. It was considered rude to do so, wasn't it? And while she didn't want to admit it, his actions and words had made her think and try to accept her situation.

She had actually taken the scarf off this morning and analyzed her reflection in her dresser mirror. It had been scary and she had only stared at her body for a few seconds before turning away. She didn't want to think on what that action meant. She was being a coward, she knew, but she didn't want to look, didn't want to think about what removing the scarf meant.

"Higurashi-san," Taisho-san greeted, taking the bag he had on his right arm and setting it on the counter. "I hate to bother you, but I must ask you a favor." Kagome hesitated, staring at the bag and the man. She wasn't sure whether or not to accept his question.

"What is it?" she asked, curious. She was also surprised. Normally, he began his conversation by asking her how she was.

The man gave a small grin. "My sister has created a new pastry and wishes for someone to try it before we sell it. I do not mean to impose on you, but I thought you might be a good person to test it on." Sesshomaru paused and she wondered what it was that was making him think on his words. "I noticed that you have never been to the bakery and thought it would be nice to have an outside opinion."

Kagome's eyes widened. That was true, wasn't it? She had been so busy with the diagnosis, the surgery, and then everything else that she hadn't taken the time to visit. A part of her felt bad at that. Surely, at the very least, she could have stopped by since meeting Taisho-san. Her thoughts were distracted as she saw him slowly unpack the bag and take out the box that was inside. When he opened that box, she found that it held cupcakes.

"Cupcakes," she noted, taking a good look at them. They were vanilla with a dollop of pinkish frosting in the middle and a chocolate chip nestled inside. She wondered what that pinkish frosting was. "What kind are they?"

"Vanilla cupcakes with a strawberry crème and Nutella icing, and a chocolate chip topping," Sesshomaru answered, looking at her.

Kagome hesitated. The combination sounded a little odd. She wasn't sure if she was a good guinea pig for this. What if she couldn't stomach it and hurt the teenage girl's feelings? It seemed Sesshomaru sensed her hesitation, for he took a cupcake out of the box and poked a finger into it. Carefully, he broke it in half. Curious, Kagome watched his actions. A part of her wanted to help him, but she stopped herself. She didn't want it to seem as though she were pitying him. She merely wanted to do the job faster and in an easier manner. And she knew he wouldn't appreciate it. While she had only known this man for a short time, she had quickly learned that Sesshomaru prided himself on his independence.

"There," he murmured, handing her a piece after he did this task. "Some for you, some for me. That way, you're not alone in trying something new." Kagome reached and took the cupcake piece but hesitated. For some reason, it seemed his words held a deeper meaning, and she wasn't sure she wanted to be tied down to them.

Yet still, her hands took the cupcake, and she brought it up to her mouth.

The taste was surprisingly nice, and she raised her eyebrows in curiosity. She hadn't expected the strawberry crème and Nutella to blend well together, but they did. It seemed Sesshomaru thought the same, she noted. His eyes didn't leave the cupcake piece in his hand. As she looked down at the box, her eyes noted the design, this time in a closer manner, and she let out a gasp. Surely, the teenager hadn't meant to make cupcakes resembling those?

"Why?" Kagome asked, interrupting his perusal of the cupcake. Wondering what she meant, Sesshomaru followed her eyes to the remaining five cupcakes in the box and looked at them closely. At a glance they were ordinary cupcakes. But when one looked closer, they resembled breasts.

"Higurashi-san…" Sesshomaru stated silently, cursing his sister. While she tended to want to help him on occasion, he felt this was going too far. Helping Kohaku-kun was one thing. Doing something like this to Higurashi-san was another.

"I apologize," he stated, placing the lid back on the box and hurriedly trying to place it in the bag.

"No!" Kagome didn't know why she yelled out, but she knew that she didn't want him to take the box back with him. While it was obvious that he hadn't purposefully brought these cupcakes for a reason, she couldn't help but wonder why Rin-san had made them and why they transfixed her.

"Higurashi-san?" Sesshomaru asked, wanting to break the silence that had descended. He wanted to change the conversation if possible. Asking questions and waiting for her to answer them was one thing. Forcing the answer out of her was different.

"Leave them, please," Kagome pleaded, tears coming to her eyes. Why she had no idea. Suddenly, everything seemed overwhelming. The breast shaped cupcakes, the presence of Taisho-san, and the knowledge of her own loss. Unable to help it, she reached out and took hold of the bag.

The pale hand that was holding the bag on the other end let go, and the owner of the hand brought his arm back to his side. Neither of the two said a word. The clock chimed in the corner, indicating that it was three in the afternoon, time for the store to close. She looked up at Taisho-san, who merely inclined his head. He didn't understand her sudden need for the treats, having never had an experience such as hers. But he respected her need for privacy and solitude at the current moment.

"I will see you tomorrow, Higurashi-san." She didn't deny or confirm his words. Knowing that she would see him if she wanted tomorrow, he left the store. Finally, she was alone.

The closing of the door snapped Kagome out of her trance, but the misting of her eyes continued. She wondered why it hurt so much to see the pastries, but knew she couldn't throw them away; though, she didn't know why. Was it because they reminded her of what she had lost? A sob left her throat as she realized the teenager had explained to her something she never would have come to terms with. Taking the box out of the bag, she opened it. Five cupcakes remained after the one she and Sesshomaru had eaten.

Her hands reached down and crushed two of them until they became flatter. Smearing the frosting and removing the chocolate chip, she looked down at the new creation.

That was better. This was her.

Hastily, she closed the box again and packed it up before running through her errands related to closing the store. As soon as she locked the store, she ran out the door and flew down the streets to her house. She didn't call out a greeting when she arrived home and instead raced upstairs to her room. In mere moments, her door was locked and her top and bra off. Standing in front of the mirror, she looked at the flat left portion of her chest and the scar that was slowly healing.

She had only had breast tissue removed so the reflection she saw now resembled the cupcakes. One perky breast and one flat side. Just like the cupcake with the stiff peak and the cupcake she had smashed. With slow gentle fingers, she touched her left breast, or what was remaining of it, and thought about all the things she had been through since meeting Taisho-san. She wanted to be confident like him, to learn to accept herself.

Pulling her hand away, she moved to the clothes she had thrown down. Pulling them on, her hands lingered on the scarf. Carefully, she set it aside and moved away to unlock her door.

It was time she left that behind.

 * * * * *

Monday was a new day for Kagome. The young woman had not worn her scarf to work and if her manager noticed, she made no comment. Taisho-san had not shown up all day, and she was a little disappointed but reminded herself that he was a business owner and had customers to see. Still, she was a little relieved as well. She wasn't yet ready to face him this way. She wanted a bit more time to come to terms with her decision.

The meeting only consisted of three members this time. Kiyosato-san had been unable to attend because her daughter was sick and her husband, she stated, was a lousy caretaker. As for Yamada-san, he was getting his surgery done tomorrow morning, and the doctors had already asked him to spend the night in the hospital. Kohaku-kun looked tired when she walked in. It was exam time wasn't it, she noted. The poor boy must be stressed.

Taisho-san raised an eyebrow at her attire when she removed her jacket. She knew he noticed it—the lack of her scarf. Pretending that it wasn't a big step, she sat down at the table.

"Higurashi-san," Sesshomaru greeted, surprised to see her looking so calm after yesterday. "I apologize again for my sister; her actions—."

"Please don't," Kagome interrupted before he could continue and catching Kohaku's attention with her words. "I think… I needed that. She gave me a chance to admit something to myself."

The act of flattening the cupcake and the subsequent perusal of herself in the bedroom mirror had been cathartic. The tangible actions created a closure for her. While she wasn't ready to consider herself beautiful again or feel that she was ready to be as confident as Taisho-san was, she knew now that she was ready to try to get there. That in itself was a major achievement for her, and she was slightly proud of herself for doing that at least.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Sesshomaru hedged, realizing that she was desperate to figure something out about herself.

"Yes," Kagome answered before her eyes met Kohaku's. The teenager looked at Sesshomaru, who nodded his head. With a nod towards the two in the room, he took his leave, shutting the door closed behind him.

Eyes lowering to the ground, Kagome fiddled with her hands in the wake of Kohaku's departure. For his part, Sesshomaru waited patiently for her to begin speaking. The silence was tense, the air charged. Whatever it was Kagome had to say, both knew that it was bound to be significant.

"I… how did you do it?" she finally asked, gaining the courage to look at him. "I may have accepted it, but I have no idea how to… how to be as confident as you are."

Her hands stopped their fiddling and now clutched tight to her pants. She wanted to be strong, she wanted to be like the man sitting next to her. It was scary to think of that, though. Every time she thought of going back to a normal life, she would remember that things weren't the same anymore. Kagome had always been a loving person, touching and being touched. Now, she shied away from physical contact. She craved the knowledge of a future—a future filled with children and laughter and a loving husband. And she feared that such a future was gone now.

"Higurashi-san," Sesshomaru began, not sure how to proceed. "Higurashi-san, I cannot force you into something." When she turned sad blue eyes to him, he took a deep breath and continued. "I can, however, try to tell you how to overcome obstacles. If there are personal obstacles, then I am afraid those are ones you will have to face on your own."

Kagome opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it as she realized what he was saying. Who was she to burden a stranger with this information? A stranger who she had just met. Looking down at the ground, she let out a shaky laugh. She was an idiot, wasn't she? Taking a deep breath, she wondered what to say. What could she say? That she desperately wanted to know how to feel beautiful again? Was that something he could help with?

"Thank you." The words were hard to get out, but she needed to let them out. She needed to express her appreciation for his efforts before she said something that would put him in an odd situation.

She took a deep breath and steeled herself. "But, I need help. I need to become myself again." When he raised an eyebrow and made a move to speak, she stopped him. "The old me wasn't afraid of looking at herself. She was like any other woman, insecure about herself but never as scared as she was now. The old Kagome had dreams—dreams of a future and a family—and this new Kagome wants to keep those dreams but doesn't know how. Help me please."

Sesshomaru felt his breath catch, and his sympathy for this woman increased. He had forgotten how hard it had been to feel like a man—like someone who was wanted by others. After the accident, his first girlfriend had refused to share certain physical intimacies with him. His second girlfriend was different. She suffered from dwarfism, and while their relationship was a good one, it had not been the right one. They cared for each other, but when Kanna had met Hakudoshi and shared with him something he couldn't share with her, they both knew it was time to call it quits. The break-up had been amicable but had taken its toll on him.

And now, this woman was asking him to tell her that it would be fine. She wanted him to tell her that all men were like him and wouldn't care. But he knew that was a lie. And he felt terrible knowing that she should know the truth. Sesshomaru wanted to shake her, tell her to stop asking these questions. But at the same time, he wanted to teach her, show her the beauty within herself.

Hazel eyes shifted to look at her. At first glance, Higurashi-san was pleasing to the eyes in a simple way. Her height was average, her body curvy and her legs slim and athletic. Her blue eyes were a sight to behold, and her hair was thick, falling in waves down her back. She had a simple beauty that was more subtle than a more exotic women, but once noticed, one that someone would want to treasure. She looked like someone who would catch a man's attention and keep it. Had he wanted, he might have invited her out to coffee, asked her out, and started a relationship with her.

And therein lied the problem. Until now, he had seen her as just an ordinary woman who was like him. It wasn't until she posed her question that he noticed her simple beauty. Now, he had a choice. He could either tell her, or show her, how beautiful she was or persuade her to see how others saw her that way. He had to make a choice, and he had to make it quick.

"Higurashi-san," Sesshomaru stated finally catching the young woman's attention. "I do not know if I am the best person to help you with this. However, if you would like, I could try."

Her eyes narrowed, and her face turned to one of curiosity. There was still a deep sadness in her blue eyes but now a lingering showing of hope was present as well. He didn't know what she was thinking, let alone if she was agreeable to his aid, but he knew that he had at least tried. And trying was all he could do. Helping Kohaku or Yamada-san or Kiyosato-san was different. They had all needed help blending into society. And all three had someone who they cared for and who cared for them in return. Higurashi-san, as far as he knew, did not have someone like that.

"What are you saying?" Kagome asked finally, tongue darting out to lick lips abused by her teeth.

"Come to the bakery every day before closing. Sit there and see. You…" He hesitated but continued. "You are beautiful Higurashi-san, and I… I hope that others will see it as I do."

Kagome's eyes widened at his words. To say that about her? He was only being nice, she surmised. After all, she had been the one to come to him regarding this and he was the one who was supposed to make her feel better. Still, while his words may have only been said in comfort, they made her just a little happier. She hadn't realized how much she wanted to be seen as beautiful. With calmer eyes, she asked him what he wanted.

"Perhaps, you may see some friends or make new ones." He didn't explain further and she didn't ask. She didn't know if she wanted the answers.

"Okay." The word was said quietly, but he heard it nonetheless. Not sure what to say, he instead stood, and walked to the door to open it. Carefully, he made his way to the staircase and snuck a peek over the railing.

Rin and Kohaku were talking, his sister blushing at whatever it was the teenager whispered to her. Satisfied that they hadn't done anything he would have to scold them about, he turned only to find Kagome standing near him. If it weren't for his grip on the railing, he would have stumbled in surprise.

"Sorry!" Higurashi-san whispered, noting his expression. Her eyes moved back to the teenagers. "That's kind of sweet." His eyes followed hers. Rin glanced up, and upon seeing her older brother, paled a little before smiling and waving.

"Rin," He addressed, descending the stairs. "Do we have more of that black forest cake? I'd like to give some to Higurashi-san."

"Oh, of course!" His sister sprang into action, while Kohaku nervously flipped through the pages of the math textbook and notebooks that lay on the table they had shared. Wanting to alleviate the tension, Kagome turned to the bakery owner.

"I don't need anything, Taisho-san. I'll come by tomorrow and try some then."

"Oh, don't worry!" Rin enthused, having heard Kagome from her position by the counter. "We generally have a customer come by to purchase quite a few slices on Mondays, but she never showed up so we have extras. Please take some home." Seeing the teenage girl box the cakes up, Kagome knew that her refusal would be a moot point. The box was going to end up in her hands and go home. With a sigh, she nodded and moved across the room. She would at least pay for them.

"No payment is required." Sesshomaru interrupted, seeing her reach into her purse. "These would have been thrown away had you not taken them home."

Startled, Kagome turned to him, intending to tell him that it wasn't necessary. But she saw something in his eyes that made her pause. He was looking at her oddly, as though she was doing something that he found displeasing. And for some reason, the idea of disappointing Taisho-san, the man who was trying to help her, left a bitter taste in her mouth.

"Okay then." Taking the box from Rin, she turned back to them. She had already buttoned up her coat and was ready to go home. There was no longer a reason to stay here.

"Have a good night." Sesshomaru stated feeling the need to break the uneasy silence.

"Yes. Have a good night." Turning, the young woman left the bakery.

 * * * * *

The next day, as promised, she showed up at the bakery. It was five when she arrived, the bookstore owners letting her go early when she mentioned where she had to go. She always felt like Tanaka-obaa-san knew something that she didn't. And it didn't help any that Tanaka-obaa-san felt the need to push Kagome towards a relationship. Really, she appreciated the elder woman's concern but not her constant nagging presence.

The bakery was bustling when she entered. Teenagers lined the tables, two or three working the floor as waiters and waitresses and serving their classmates. Sesshomaru stood behind the counter bagging items for those who wanted to leave. When she walked in, the door chime alerted him to her presence. Hiding from the embarrassment at being caught entering, she looked around and spotted a table in front of the storefront window that was unoccupied. Walking there, she deposited her coat and made a move to stand and order when a presence made himself known and sat across from her.

"I did not think you would come."

"Taisho-san," she greeted feeling a little miffed at his words. Really, who was he to determine her actions? He didn't even know her that well yet. They both sat at the table, neither moving to say a word. A few regular patrons chanced a quick glance before moving away. They had never seen the owner of the bakery ever sit down with an actual customer before.

"May I take your order?" The words were said softly, almost in a whisper. Hesitating, Kagome looked towards the display stand. She couldn't see it but the black forest cake from yesterday had been heavenly and she wanted another piece.

"Do you have another slice of that black forest cake?" She asked feeling odd. She couldn't remember what the purpose of this visit was anymore. Why had she come again?

"Of course." He stood, his long silver hair falling over his shoulder as he did so. He had made an attempt to tie it back today, she noted. "If that is all, Higurashi-san." She nodded, feeling a little annoyed. He had been the one to invite her, he had been the one to sit across from her. And now, he was just shunning her? As he left, she made a face. Perhaps it would be better to leave after the cake arrived.

"Excuse me?" Kagome looked up, this time to see a young man. He was handsome, dark hair falling in his face, tall, and looking every bit a model. She wondered what a man like him wanted to do with a woman like her.

The stranger smiled, and Kagome couldn't help the small gasp that left her. "Sorry to bother you. I love this place and happened to notice that there was a seat open at this table. Do you mind if I avail myself to it?"

"I…uh sure." Kagome wasn't sure why this man had come here and was confused as to why he had chosen her table when others were open with seats as well.

"If you don't mind me asking, what's a pretty woman like yourself doing all alone at a table?" Kagome flushed this time. She had been called beautiful, nice, and pretty by strangers before but this was different. She hadn't thought or even heard anyone outside of her family tell her she looked nice since the surgery. And she hadn't felt pretty for the longest time.

"I never visited, so I thought of stopping by today."

"I see." The stranger grinned again. "My name's Kouga by the way. Ashikawa, Kouga."

"Higurashi, Kagome." She replied as Sesshomaru came by with her slice of cake. He turned to face Kouga and his face soured. She wondered why that was. Once he placed the slice in front of Kagome and left, Kouga sighed.

"I don't understand why a bakery like this employs someone like him. Don't they know how much business they would get if they hid him in the back?"

Kagome, who had been cutting a slice of the cake, turned startled eyes to him. What was he saying? That Taisho-san was not worth seeing because he was the unfortunate victim of a car accident? She felt her throat constrict. And then she felt anger. Anger at this man for judging before he knew the facts, for being a bigot. His face hadn't changed, his expression still jovial but her view of him had.

"I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave the table." She stated softly, moving her eyes back to look at the cake.

"What?" Kouga demanded confused. "Why? I was just saying something. It's not like you like him or anything do you?"

"Taisho-san is an acquaintance of mine." Kagome answered feeling emotionally stronger than she had felt in days. "And I would appreciate it if you did not belittle him in my presence."

Kouga made a face. "Hn, fine." Taking his leave of her, he moved to another table with a roll of his eyes. Kagome couldn't help but think it was good riddance.

"That was rather brave of you." She turned this time to see another man. "Sesshomaru-san is a close family friend, and it is nice to see a woman stand up for him." She wanted to ask him what he meant when it dawned on her that this other man thought she and Taisho-san shared a different kind of relationship.

"We… we are acquaintances." She corrected. "And besides, I could not let him stay when he spoke so harshly of others simply because they looked different." Kagome had no idea what made her tell this man such information. His violet eyes were narrowed in thought as he looked at her and then he shrugged.

"I find you good-looking, regardless; at least that idiot was right about that. Still, I must thank you." The man's gaze slid to Sesshomaru, who Kagome noticed was talking with a woman. "Sesshomaru-san helped my wife and I cope with my brother-in-law. Kohaku-kun was different before he met him."

"You are related to Kohaku-kun?" The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could help it. The man's violet eyes widened and he nodded.

"Yes, my name is Nakamura, Miroku. Two years ago, I married his sister, and after the car accident he has come to live with me and my wife." The man's brows furrowed, and his hand came to rest under his chin thoughtfully. "If I may ask, how is it you know both my brother-in-law and this bakery's owner?"

Kagome fumbled with her hands. What answer could she give? "I attend the meetings." She stated finally wondering if this man knew what his brother in-law did when he visited the bakery at night.

"Ah!" He looked at Kagome again, and the young woman flinched under his scrutiny. "If you don't mind me asking, how did you come to attend the meetings?"

Miroku was curious. When Kohaku had first come home with a teenage girl behind him, ranting and raving at his behavior, he and Sango had been surprised. They had let it go, however, wanting to see what was happening. A week of the ranting had finally led the young man to snap and yell back at the girl. Coming from a boy who had closed in on himself, it was a secret blessing. To finally have him show some strong emotion made them both feel that this girl was getting through to him when they couldn't.

And then things had changed. Kohaku started coming home later, and when he did, he would almost always have a box of cake with him. At first, Sango had wondered if the cake had some sort of narcotic in it that caused her brother to perk up. Soon though, they noticed a change in the teenager. His smiles became more real, his attitude towards the two changed, and one day, when he emerged wearing a short-sleeve T-shirt over a pair of shorts, Sango had burst into tears.

They found out the story soon enough and had run to the bakery at the first opportunity to thank this man who had given a young boy hope. Now, as he looked at the woman, he wondered what it was she needed Taisho-san's guidance with. He knew it wasn't something like what Kohaku or Sesshomaru had; that sort of physical deformity would be hard to hide. Still, he was curious. He had only known the bakery owner for a few months, but he knew that the bakery owner wouldn't have taken this woman under his wing without a purpose.

Her face paled and he watched her fumble with her hands. When she finally spoke to answer his question, it was in a quiet voice and he had to strain to hear it.

"I… I had a mastectomy a while back."

Ah, so that was what it was. Suddenly, he felt like he had breached an unknown topic, and he felt terrible for prying into something that was quite obviously a sensitive topic for the woman. He fumbled, trying to come up with something to say. What could he say to her? His wife came back to him, and she had a scowl on her face.

"You're lucky Taisho-san warned me and told me to come get you before you scared off his newest customer." Sango turned to face Kagome. "You have to forgive my husband. He thinks most good-looking women are here to fall for his charms, and it's my job to keep them in line."

"Sango!" Miroku protested while Kagome watched on in confusion. "That's not true! Well, the part about her being pretty is, but you know I have eyes only for you." The woman sighed and rolled her eyes.

"I know, and it had better stay that way, you hear." The man grinned and nodded before turning to Kagome again.

"Let me introduce my wife to you… what was your name again?"

"Higurashi, Kagome."

"Ah, Higurashi-san, this is Nakamura, Sango, my wife. Sango, Higurashi-san, like Kohaku, attends weekly meetings."

"Oh." It seemed the female of the pair had the sense to respect her privacy more than her male counterpart. "He'll help you." She assured, taking her husband's arm. "It was nice to meet you Higurashi-san, but I am afraid we must get going if we want to catch our train, Miroku."

"Of course. It was nice meeting you both as well." The couple smiled warmly at her, and for a brief moment, Kagome was jealous of the relationship they shared. She waved that thought aside and instead stood to bid them goodbye and watched them leave.

She didn't know what it was about them but she suddenly felt lighter, as though a weight had been taken off her shoulders. The young woman thought that perhaps this had been Taisho-san's intent all along. It wasn't to get her to meet people as much as it was for her to make friends or converse with someone who she could talk to without feeling as though she were being judged. The Nakamura's knew that it was hard for her to cope and instead of judging her, they were getting to know her.

Her heart lighter, she sat down and continued to eat her slice of cake, not noting the eyes that warmed upon seeing her new temperament.

 * * * * *

"Kagome nee-san, I didn't know you came here." Kagome paused in her task of undoing her coat and turned to see Hitomi.

This was only her second time in the bakery to eat. She realized that while she hadn't talked with Taisho-san yesterday nor had her questions been answered by him, she felt happier upon leaving the bakery than she had in a while. Perhaps it was the atmosphere, perhaps it was the interaction with the Nakamura's. She wasn't sure why but Kagome wanted to go again despite the bad interaction she had yesterday with Kouga. The idea of meeting someone and talking to them made her forget her fears. She wanted to experience that again.

"I only started visiting yesterday," she answered. Kagome still kept the meetings a secret from her family. She wasn't sure why she did it. The idea of hiding things though was thrilling. She felt like a teenager sneaking home after dark.

"Oh." Hitomi took a seat across from her. "Well, we can at least enjoy some cake together now!" Kagome nodded as she took a seat across from her sister in-law. Like the day before, Taisho-san stopped by the table.

"Higurashi-san," he greeted softly. "You are back."

"Yes." Looking around, she narrowed her eyes. "Kohaku-san is not here today?"

"No," Sesshomaru answered, wondering why she cared. "He has soccer practice." Kagome remembered the boy's eagerness when he had talked about it with Sesshomaru. She had forgotten all about it until it was mentioned again.

"I see." Chancing a glance at Hitomi, Kagome paused. Hitomi was looking at her closely. She looked like she had just seen something she wasn't supposed to. Kagome paled. Surely, she wouldn't tell Souta about this? The other woman sighed and then motioned towards the cakes. Whatever it was Hitomi had found out, she wanted the conversation about it occurring after Taisho-san left.

"Taisho-san, if I may, can I get a slice of some type of chocolate cake?" He nodded, turning to Hitomi. The other woman asked for vanilla pound cake, and he left them to get their orders, leaving a slightly relieved Kagome.

"You know him?" Hitomi asked. "I… I noticed you've been a little less sad these past few days. Is it because of him?"

Kagome didn't know how to respond to Hitomi's question. What was she saying? Was she asking her if she was dating Taisho-san? And what did she mean when she was saying that she was looking happier? She wasn't. She was a human who had found someone to confide in; someone who just so happened to be able to guide her in the right direction. Still, it also brought a sour taste to Kagome's mouth. She didn't like thinking that Hitomi thought things of her regarding her and Taisho-san.

She had always respected her previous romantic relationships and kept them private from her family until there was a need to let them know. She expected Hitomi to understand that notion. It seemed the young woman realized that she had put her sister-in-law in an uncomfortable situation.

"I'm sorry. I just… I haven't seen you so happy in a while. I was worried, and I didn't know what to do and… I just want to help, but I don't know how." By the end, Hitomi was wringing her hands together and looked on the verge of tears.

Hitomi's words surprised Kagome. She had known that her family was worried, and that she had been a little depressed after the surgery. However, she hadn't realized that her family was there as well. They had been worried for her and she had forgotten. Yes, she knew that they were worried but she hadn't realized the extent. Had she operated with blinders all this time?

"Nee-san?" Hitomi asked as Sesshomaru came back with their cakes. He hesitated for a moment, not sure on whether to leave once he got a look at Kagome. Still, he didn't want to intrude on the conversation that he wasn't invited to participate in. So he walked away, reclaiming his position by the cashier and keeping a close eye on the table.

Kagome didn't register thewords Hitomi was saying. Instead, she was left feeling a little lost. All this time she had thought she was wading through a murky swamp all alone. Instead, it had been a lake and there had been people on shore, yelling at her to swim to them. It wasn't until a lifeguard had come and taken her hand to lead her that she realized where the shore was and who was waiting for her there. She felt trapped and needed a moment to breathe. It was suffocating here, with Hitomi next to her. She had to go.

"I'm sorry."

With the whispered words, Kagome fled, barely being able to shrug into her winter coat on the way out the door. Hitomi stood, concerned and worried that she had done something to upset her sister-in-law. Before she could make a move, however, Sesshomaru went around the counter and chased after Kagome. Feeling like she was an interloper looking into a situation, she sat down and called a waitress over. She wasn't in the mood to eat cake now. She'd just take them home.

Sesshomaru scanned the street once he was outside and found Kagome. She was walking towards her house, but from the looks that the other pedestrians were giving her, her face must have shown her feelings clearly. With strong large steps, he crossed the distance separating them and placed his one hand on her shoulder. She jumped, startled and turned to look at him.

"Taisho-san," she managed through the haze of her thoughts.

"Higurashi-san… are you all right?" The question was more rhetorical than demanding and both knew it. Still, it was, also, the right one to ask. It provided her with the chance to answer should she so choose. It didn't require one.

"How long did it take you?" The words were coming out of her mouth before she could stop them. "How many days did your sister try to help you before you realized what she was doing?"

He realized why she had run out of the coffee shop now. Yet still, he was hesitant to answer her questions. Talking about the man who had helped him was something he had not actively done. While those who attended the meetings knew that there had been someone who had changed his life and inspired him to change others, no one ever asked about how he dealt with it and what his time with his own mentor was like. And frankly, a part of him was afraid to go back to that time even in memories. He was a darker, sadder man then.

"Family is important, Higurashi-san. There are times when we forget that. It took me months to acknowledge Rin as someone who could help me. And even then… had it not been for my mentor, I might not have." Kagome soaked in what he was saying. And then she felt guilty. To ask such a private question of someone in the middle of the street—what was she thinking?

"I'm sorry," she whispered, moving to the side and sheltering them both under a lamppost. "I… I shouldn't have pried like that."

Sesshomaru shook his head. Since the day he had met her, he had felt compelled to see this woman shine and be who she once was. He had gotten a glimpse of that yesterday. He wanted to see more of it. A teenage couple walked by, holding hands, and he watched the way Kagome's eyes looked after them longingly. Understanding a little more about the woman in front of him, he stepped back to look at her.

When one looked at Higurashi-san they would look twice. Her black hair fell in waves and framed her face in an artful way. Her blue eyes—rare and beautiful—were windows into her thoughts. She was pretty, even he had to admit that. He had just never realized he thought of her as someone worth a second or third glance from him. It dawned on him then why he was so caught up with her.

She was beautiful but she couldn't see how beautiful she was, and her confidence in herself was not there. He didn't blame her for it, but he knew that he could help her fix the problem before it got worse. And his plan was merely to show her how beautiful she was. He had to admit it. In fact, by establishing it, he wouldn't even be lying. It was something he probably would have still done. The things he was about to say though, they were things he wouldn't have felt comfortable telling her just yet. But still, they could work towards it.

"Go out with me."

"What?"

Her reaction was expected. He barely knew this woman. They had only met three times so far, hardly enough time to warrant him asking such a question from this woman. But he felt he needed to. He had no idea what Higurashi-san was like before her mastectomy. He had seen some of her smiles and happiness, and after seeing that, he had to wonder just how happy she had been before. She looked radiant, a more beautiful version of herself when she smiled. He wanted—as selfish as this was of him—to be one of the reasons that she looked that way again.

She was staring at him, her face full of expectation. "You are…beautiful," he finally answered her unvoiced question, unsure how to tell her more without seeming too much like a creep.

The words were the wrong ones, however, and he realized it too late. For Higurashi-san, her biggest fear was the inability to see herself as anything more than a disfigured woman. She was changing, yes, but she wasn't going to magically change overnight. And for him to say words that she longed to hear would only make it seems as though he was saying them merely because it was his duty to. He wanted to tell her that his description of her was true, that he did care. But she wouldn't believe him now.

"I'm sorry," she finally answered, her voice cracking from the cold and the tears she was suppressing. "I think it's best I leave now." Helpless to do anything, he simply watched her go.

When he made his way back inside the bakery a few minutes later, he found the young woman who had been sitting with Kagome waiting for him. She held a box in her hands which he presumed housed the uneaten cakes and was nervously swinging her hands back and forth before checking to make sure she hadn't damaged the cakes. At his entrance, she gave him an awkward welcoming smile and waited for him to shrug his coat off before talking.

"I… I don't know a lot about you, Taisho-san," Hitomi began, her nervousness apparent. "But… I've never seen Kagome nee-san at ease since the surgery. I don't want to come between you but… but please, can you keep doing what you are doing?" Hitomi blinked back a few tears. "It's not like we haven't tried. She just refuses to talk and clams up, and I can't help but feel terrible, because I know she looks at me and wants what I have, and I want to give it to her, and I want to help her, but…"

A hand on her shoulder cut her off before she could finish. He wasn't sure what had made him do so; perhaps, it was the fact that ever since Rin had been born he had a protective instinct in him. He abhorred to see females cry in his presence. It made him feel inadequate, uncomfortable, and as though he had done something that offended them.

"It is not your fault," Sesshomaru finally stated. "It takes… a while for acceptance." The young woman nodded, and he let go of her shoulder.

"Thank you. I'm sorry to have taken up your time with my crying. I promise to visit again one day."

He didn't say anything as he watched her leave. What was he doing? Was it right for him to delve so into a family's life? He had promised himself that when he began to help other amputees he wouldn't do this, wouldn't force himself into their personal lives. Then just why was he doing so with Higurashi-san? A sigh of frustration left his lips. He would delve into his reasons for helping Higurashi-san later. He had customers and a bakery to take care of for the time being.

 * * * * *

Visiting the bookstore wasn't something he thought he had the courage to do. Still, he had to. Higurashi-san had not shown up at the bakery yesterday or today. And she had missed the meeting last night. While he normally wouldn't have bothered, he knew this time it was his fault, and he wanted to fix it. He had an idea about how to get into good standing with her again, but the chance of its success was relatively low. Squaring himself, he walked inside the bookstore.

As expected, Higurashi-san was at the counter. Her eyes were wary as she greeted him as she would any other customer. The reaction bothered him.

"Higurashi-san," He addressed, approaching her. "How are you?" He chose not to apologize to her yet for the simple reason that he didn't know how to. And he didn't know yet what he was apologizing for. He didn't want to apologize for asking her on a date, but he did want to apologize for asking her so suddenly.

Kagome's eyes refused to meet his. "Hello, how are you?" The lack of address made him bristle.

"Higurashi-san," he began again, leaning against the counter but with enough of a distance to not scare here. "I apologize for the suddenness of my request the other day." Her eyes widened, those blue eyes that revealed much of her thoughts. "I do not apologize for the request or the words I used to describe you. You are beautiful, and I simply wished to express my opinion."

She didn't reply for a moment. The only sound in the shop came from their breaths and the whirring of the heater keeping them warm. On Wednesday, she had gone home and Hitomi had confronted her there. There had been a discussion, an argument, and finally a reconciliation between the both of them the next morning. She had wanted some time though, some time to think. She had always put her heart into everything she did and the idea of Taisho-san falling for her and asking her out seemed at odds with her views on romance.

Her heart wasn't into this yet. But her mind was. She wanted to know what it was like to be thought of as beautiful by a man and share with someone like him a relationship such as the one he wanted.

"Please give me time," Kagome finally stated, her eyes meeting his. "I… I want to, but I need some time to get to know you." The words, once they left her mouth, brought a blush to her cheeks. He found that to be cute and was silently pleased to have been the one to make her blush.

"Tonight then?" he asked instead, giving her a reprieve. "My younger sister has a fondness for Christmas decorations and often asks me to let her decorate the bakery." Sesshomaru hesitated but continued. "I was thinking that this year I would decorate the bakery while she is out of town on a school trip to surprise her. I do not know the best decoration methods, however."

He made a face every time he said the word decorations. Kagome had to stifle a giggle. He seemed to be one of those people who thought that the entire Christmas experience was now overrun by retailers and shoppers to resemble something chaotic. Taisho-san seemed the type to enjoy a simple store bought cake and time spent with someone he cared about. Sneaking a peek, she wondered if this was also his roundabout way of asking her if she was free for the religious holiday turned romantic in Japan.

"I can go tonight," Kagome answered with a grin. "I know where we can buy trees and decorations not far from here. And we can decorate tonight and tomorrow."

"Yes," he answered, shuffling awkwardly now that he had accomplished his task. "Perhaps I could ask you to dinner as well? I was planning on closing the bakery early tonight since most of my help are Rin's classmates, and they, too, are out of town."

"Sure, should I meet you outside the bakery?"

"At six." Sesshomaru confirmed. He hesitated but then reached over and grabbed one of the hands she had resting on the counter, giving it a light touch. "Until then, Higurashi-san."

"Yes, until then." Her voice came out higher pitched than she would have liked. Still, it wasn't as if it wasn't expected. He had grabbed her hand!

Upon his departure, she heard laughter and turned to see both of the storeowners. Had they been there the whole time? She'd never be able to live it down, now! Already, the two of them liked to make fun of her and tease her regarding the bakery owner. They just received more fodder for gossip.

"You can stay here till you need to meet Taisho-san," the elderly lady said, shuffling to move some books that were in her hands onto the counter. "He's such a nice man. You treat him good tonight, you hear? And none of that funny business all the youngsters get into nowadays."

Kagome looked away embarrassed. "I will. Don't worry, I won't do anything stupid, I promise."

"Good." Tanaka obaa-san then pushed the stack towards Kagome. "We just got these new books; let's mark them and put them on the shelves."

The rest of the day was spent either unpacking the new books or helping customers. At five forty-five a teenager came in. What was supposed to be an easy job turned into five minutes of argument with the teenager, followed by five minutes of searching and then another five minutes at the counter when he complained that she couldn't find the books fast enough. Tanaka oji-san, who had been reorganizing books nearby, had promptly scolded the boy and told Kagome she should go lest she keep her date waiting. She didn't need to be told twice.

Thus, by the time she arrived at the bakery a little past six-o-five, she wasn't too surprised to see him waiting for her.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, realizing that he was always prompt, and she would have to be too if she was going to do things with him from now on. "There was a customer who just wouldn't leave and—" Whatever she was about to say was cut off by a shrug from Taisho-san.

"It's alright. I wasn't waiting long." Sesshomaru hesitated before opening the door of the café for her. Curious, she walked inside, wondering whether dinner was going to occur after the decorating.

"I hope you don't mind my presumption, Higurashi-san," he started. "But I … find it more comfortable to order takeout." Her eyes softened as she walked in. She didn't mind that; in fact, she understood his sentiments. While he had come to terms with his disability, she doubted he would like being gawked at by strangers. And, if they were to decorate, it made more sense to not waste time.

Sesshomaru shut the door behind them and took off his coat. "I do believe you will see that Rin has already procured the materials for decorations." She eyed the boxes lined up in a corner next to the cash register as she removed her own coat. Had he moved them by himself?

Deciding to worry about that later, Kagome walked towards the boxes. "Do you know what she purchased?" the young woman asked, her curiosity taking over.

"I think I saw a tree, and bows and garlands." Sesshomaru answered walking up next to her. "It does bother me that she bought so much though." Kagome couldn't help it, she laughed. It was interesting to see Taisho-san so annoyed with simple things. She'd forgotten for a moment that he was just as human as she was. And, apparently, a partial critic when it came to Christmas.

"You may think this is a lot," she stated, unpacking a box that had a picture of a tree on it, while ignoring his reaction to her amusement. "But by the time we're done, it won't seem that way."

Sesshomaru raised a brow as he bent down to help her. She was amazed at how skilled he was with only one arm. He easily peeled away the tape on the box and opened it. When it came time to lifting the tree, she let him unpack branches and tree stands with her. Finding the stand, and having done this numerous times at her house, she put together the base. Sesshomaru was surprised by the ease with which she completed the task and couldn't help but remark on it.

"Oh, I guess that I'm just used to it after doing it for so many years." She stood and moved the stand to a corner of the café near the window. It was next to the table she had sat at earlier that week. After placing the stand down, she backed away a few steps. "We have to move the table. There's enough room to push it down a few spaces."

"Then we shall," Taisho-san said, moving the chairs away. Once the chairs were moved, she pushed the table across the floor wincing at the sound it made. Satisfied at the position she left it in, she moved back to the tree as the door to the shop opened.

"Uh, sorry," the teenage delivery boy stated. "But I was here for an order." He looked down at the sheet of paper in his hands. "Taisho, Sesshomaru?"

"Thank you." Sesshomaru moved to the boy and dug his wallet out of his pocket. Paying him and taking the package, he watched the boy leave before setting the meal down on a table and turning towards Higurashi-san.

"Can we finish putting up the tree and then eat?" She questioned softly. "I'll admit I'm not that hungry yet."

He nodded and the two spent the next twenty minutes putting the tree together. She was surprised by how difficult it was for Taisho-san; apparently, he had never had to put together a fake Christmas tree. It surprised her, and when she told him that, he explained that the one in his apartment was a bush tree that only required storage in a closet after the holidays ended. Still, at the end of it all, a six foot tree stood tall in the café and both had to admit it added some liveliness to the atmosphere.

And now, five minutes after the tree was put up, Kagome found herself sharing a bowl of steaming oden and soft udon noodles with Taisho-san.

"You like this holiday?" He asked softly as they eagerly sipped the still hot soup. The restaurant had been kind enough to give it to them in a hot pot.

"Oh, I guess I like the idea of the season in general," she answered. "I just always liked the feelings associated with it and the warmth and happiness of it all." A few udon noodles were twirled around her chopsticks. "I've always liked the things associated with Christmas and New Year's: the traditions, the gifts, the feeling in the air." She paused then, her hand stopping its movements as well.

"Hn." Sesshomaru took a spoon of oden and drank some of the broth. "I prefer the traditions." He answered, thinking of the nights spent cutting a Christmas cake with Rin or the mornings on the balcony watching the sunrise. Those were good memories, and he was afraid to break them now that Rin was growing up.

"You know, I could see you as that kind of person," Kagome answered, batting his chopsticks away from the boiled egg she wanted. "I like those things too, but I think it's also nice to celebrate with others, and if that includes decorations and other things, then so be it."

He didn't respond to her, instead choosing to eat dinner. Too hungry to really bother about much else, she too continued eating and the rest of their meal passed in a comfortable silence. It was as they were cleaning up afterwards that Sesshomaru spoke again.

"Generally, the Christmas tradition has been for me to cut cake with my sister." He put the lid on the pot they had eaten from. "I am afraid that this year, I may be alone."

Kagome paused in wiping down the table, not sure what to say. Was that an invitation? She wasn't naïve; she knew that being invited to spend Christmas with Sesshomaru was not just an invitation to a date but to a special date. She felt her face heating up, and her heart beat a little faster. Was she okay with that? She found that she didn't have to worry because Taisho-san left after taking the trash from her, leaving her alone to unpack the rest of the boxes.

As she pulled out the garlands of tinsel, she thought about what it would be like to actually go out with Taisho-san. She might like that. Eating dinner with him as she had today, spending time with him, alone, and getting to know the man who was Sesshomaru had been enjoyable. Carefully, her hands ran over the tinsel, and she promised herself that she would give him a proper answer later after they decorated. By the time Taisho-san returned, there were piles of silver, gold, green, and red tinsel joined by various ornaments in tasteful shades of red and gold.

"All of that, for one tree?" Sesshomaru asked, coming to a stop by her. She rolled her eyes and grinned.

"Not all of it is for the tree. We can use the silver and gold for that," she answered, taking his hand when he offered it to help her up. It was warm and his grip strong. She felt safe and comfortable, and when he let go, she half wanted to go after him and clutch that hand again.

"Hn." Reaching down, he picked up the tinsel she had indicated, the ends trailing as he picked up too much. Giggling, she took some from him, causing him to turn his head away in embarrassment. It was quite adorable, really.

Walking towards the tree, she instructed him about how best to decorate. Taking the ends, she instructed him to hold his end tight and wrap it around the highest branch. Then she began to loop it around the tree, amusing him whenever she would try to go under his arm and her back would brush his front. It was just a simple touch, but he found that he wanted to trap her the next time she went through, hold her there, and kiss her.

By the time the tinsel was finished, he was more than eager to get to the ornaments. And so was she. One more brush against his person would cause her to lose it.

"Is there a pattern?" he asked, taking the storage box of ornaments and lifting up an end. He had no idea when Rin had had the time to store all the ornaments after purchasing them.

"Oh!" Kagome looked down at the ornaments as she grabbed the other end of the box and moved it with him, closer to the tree. "I guess we could alternate branches with ornaments? Gold, red, gold, red, all the way down?"

"Of course." He had no idea of what was correct in these matters, having never had an eye for decoration when it came to the holiday. "We start with gold at the top then?"

"Yes!" She began to hand him a package of the gold ornaments, but she stopped halfway through the action. "They don't have ties." Hastily, Kagome dug through the ornaments, finding that the red ones came with the strings tied together and were ready to be hung. She handed those to Sesshomaru before sighing and ripping open a package of gold ornaments.

"What are you doing?" Sesshomaru asked curious. He watched her loop a string through an ornament and then tie the ends together.

"The gold ones don't have the strings," she grumbled. "This makes our job harder." He shrugged his shoulders, reaching for an ornament and string when a hand fell on his. Turning curious eyes to her, he waited for her to speak.

"I… can you do that?"

Startled, he looked down and then noticed what she meant. Of course, ties… he couldn't do those nowadays, could he? He appreciated her concern and instead moved to open the package of red ornaments. Sometimes, the loss of his arm was more poignant, especially at times when he forgot that certain tasks required two hands not one. Standing, he placed the package on the table and gingerly used his one good arm to pry the ornaments from their plastic home before placing them on the second branch.

"I'm sorry." The words caused an ornament to slip from his fingers and fall to the floor. Luckily, it was made of plastic and didn't shatter, instead coming to a stop in front of her feet. Picking it up, she handed it to him, and he took it.

"You don't have to be sorry," he responded, realizing why she had apologized. "I've become quite accustomed to the loss of an arm, so sometimes I forget." His hand lingered on hers before he moved away. Not knowing what to say, she continued with her task in silence.

It took an hour for the tree to come to life. The ornaments had taken time—more so tying strings to them than actually putting them on the tree—and then the lights had taken an additional bit. She had forgotten to put them on the tree at the beginning and thus, they had some fun trying to get the lights on without ruining their decorations. Moving back from the tree, she turned to see Sesshomaru looking down at something he held in his hand near the boxes. Curious, she walked over only to hesitate walking the remaining two stops she needed to take if she wanted to stand next to him.

A sprig of mistletoe lay in his hand. It was a silly tradition, and she knew she could easily tell him to hide the mistletoe for now. Instead of doing that though, she watched and waited to see what he would do. Standing, he walked the two steps that separated them, the mistletoe still in his hand. She felt her heart beat faster, her breath come out harsher. Surely, he didn't mean to kiss her?

Carefully, he turned the mistletoe in his hand until it was held by the ends. "You said you like the Christmas traditions, Higurashi-san."

"Yes," she answered, watching his hand start to rise and knowing what he meant to do. Before it could reach its destination, she caught it, stopping it near his heart. She needed to know why he was doing this, what purpose doing this had for him. And she desperately wanted to know if she was going to make a good decision when she went along with his actions.

"Why?" Kagome asked, her fingers tightening on his hand and her eyes moving to look down at the mistletoe. She didn't have the courage to look at his face.

His voice was a murmur when he answered. "Because I want to." He moved closer, further closing the distance between them. "I find you… attractive, and I want to touch you, hold you."

He seemed to struggle with his words, and she didn't blame him. She felt the same way: tongue-tied and jittery. Kagome wanted to doubt his words, but after two weeks of getting to know him, she knew better. He believed in her, and he never told half-truths or lies. Her eyes watered because it had been a while since she had been called attractive, much less thought of herself as someone the other gender might find good-looking. And she was also flattered. This man, who she admired, had slowly begun to creep into her life. She could care for him. But Kagome needed answers first.

"Why me?" she asked again afraid to let go of his fingers lest he disappear.

The sprig of mistletoe fell from his hand as he maneuvered to cup her cheek, brushing a lock of hair away. "You know why Kagome-san," Sesshomaru whispered, his eyes locked with hers, referencing their conversation from earlier that week.

Kagome felt herself shiver from the intimacy of the moment, from his actions and his usage of her first name. From her position, she knew that if either of them moved, the distance between them would close and their lips would touch. She licked suddenly dry lips and acted, creating that first touch. She needed it, needed to see and know that he cared. That he thought her beautiful just as he had said.

That first kiss was quick and chaste. She had only time to note that his lips were warm and slightly chapped from the winter chill. Pulling away after that first touch, the blush that took over her features made her cheeks glow pink. Sesshomaru didn't let her move far, though. Eyes narrowing and never leaving her lips, he used his hand to pull her closer and moved to kiss her this time.

The second kiss was different. She noted that he smelled of fake pine from the Christmas tree, and of sugar, and gingerbread from the bakery. His lips were still warm and chapped but tasted slightly of the seasonings of the food they had eaten. They were demanding but also persuasive. It took her a few moments to remember how to breathe, and another few before she realized that it was better to just sit back and enjoy his kiss.

Taisho-san was not afraid to take. She could only clutch onto his shirt for support as he moved his lips, coaxing hers to comply with his actions. Kagome didn't know how to describe it. It was exhilarating, magical, and so full of emotion. When Sesshomaru finally pulled away from her mouth, letting her lips escape, she took in large breaths and opened her hazy eyes. As he moved to trail a series of kisses down her jaw, she couldn't stifle the gasp that escaped her mouth.

It was that gasp that pulled him out of the need to keep touching and tasting her. Pulling away, he took in the partially flushed face, the lips he had just kissed. Letting out a sigh, he moved to rest his head on hers and bring her closer in an embrace, hoping that hiding the sight of her face would calm him down. He had been trying to see where to draw the line between him and Higurashi-san today. Now, he knew that he had crossed that line, and that there was no going back. His hand moved over her back, playing with the ends of her hair as she moved to adjust herself in his hold.

"You know," Kagome finally stated after the heat of the moment had passed a little, "I don't think we'll get any more decorating done tonight."

Unable to help it, he began to chuckle, and when she laughed with him, he thought that it had been a wonderful evening.

 * * * * *

Three days later, on the fifteenth of December, Kagome stumbled into the bakery as a strong gust of wind pushed her in. Shivering from the sudden warmth the café's interior brought she failed to see the amusement on the faces of the people sitting. Sesshomaru had decided to host the meeting downstairs today after Kiyosato-san had remarked on the decorations. He hadn't told them just whose help he had in making them nor did he mention that the woman in question was helping him with some last minute decorations today before his sister arrived on the first morning shinkansen from Osaka.

"Higurashi-san!" The voice was a familiar one but one she didn't automatically place, so Kagome turned curious eyes to see who it was. It was Yamada-san, looking very different post-surgery. He wore a large bandage on the left side of his face, covering his cheek and part of his ear. And they had let him go out in the cold!

"Yamada-san." She greeted, turning concerned eyes to him as Sesshomaru walked towards her. "How… are you allowed to be here now despite the cold?"

The soldier laughed softly and she noticed how even that action caused him to wince as his bandages stretched. "Don't worry, Kiyosato-san and I live in the same neighborhood. Her husband offered to drop us both off and pick us up."

"Oh." She turned curious eyes to Sesshomaru now as he stood next to her. She hadn't seen him since Friday. The bookstore had kept her busy as many mangas and books had suddenly released in time for the holiday shopping. Moving to take off her coat, she was surprised when a gentle and warm hand settled on top of hers and loosened the coat from her arms.

"Taisho-san." The young woman greeted, hoping her voice hadn't risen. "You didn't have to do that."

"Nonsense, Higurashi-san." He replied as he hung the coat on the coat rack. "I trust your day has been well?"

"Yes." She answered with a grin as she took a seat at the table where their meeting members sat. "But it was tiring. We had so many teenagers come by today after school. I wish they wouldn't release all the mangas at the same time." Kiyosato-san laughed and Kagome smiled at her in greeting.

"Oh dear, one of those may have been my daughter. She goes to school near here and told me that she stopped by a busy bookstore today on the way home."

Kagome didn't have time to reply since Sesshomaru chose that moment to sit down with them. He was sitting next to her and she wondered if it was just her imagination or if he had shifted so that he was closer to her in the circle than he was to Yamada-san on his other side. The man in question, threw his hair back in a gesture of frustration as he commenced the meeting.

"Thank you for coming to this meeting despite the weather." They all nodded. "I want to remind everyone that we will not have a meeting on the twenty-fifth or the thirty-first as they are holidays."

"That's right! I can't wait to eat my wife's sponge cake!" Yamada-san enthused. "Doctor said I'll be off meds then!" He waggled an eyebrow at Sesshomaru, but with his current state the eyebrow stayed put and only the eye twitched. It made his actions quite comical.

"You got anyone you spending time with on Christmas Taisho-san?" The soldier asked. The silver haired male didn't say anything for a few moments, letting Kiyosato-san admonish Yamada-san. When he did speak, it caught the attention of all the parties in the room.

"I have yet to ask but I am hoping that the person I am currently seeing will agree to be with me that day." From next to him, he heard Kagome gasp softly, her actions going unseen by the other two who were more focused on Sesshomaru and his answer. Both of them were surprised he had actually given them an answer. They had never heard him speak so openly of his personal matters before. It was one thing to mention Rin who they saw when they walked into the bakery. It was another to tell them he had a girlfriend.

"I hope you enjoy it and I'm quite sure she'll say yes." Kiyosato-san finally wished.

Sesshomaru grinned. "Yes, I hope so too." The conversation regarding his supposed Christmas date had died down and Kagome tried valiantly to pretend she didn't care about it. "Now, I thought that today we would discuss the environments we work and participate in. The goal is to see what our workplace might offer us or provide us with that they currently don't. Kiyosato-san, if you don't mind me starting with you, how do you find the library?"

"The library?" The woman asked, thinking on her answer as she replied. "I suppose I like it there. The building is old you know or they would have installed an elevator. They let me work at the checkout area and are quite good at making sure that I don't have to ever be the one to file books away. Though, I do wish they… had a wheelchair accessible restroom." The elder woman blushed not used to talking with these matters to someone who was not a family member or a close friend.

All wanted to ask what she did, but none knew how to word the question correctly. Instead, a silence settled over the room until Sesshomaru broke it.

"So, you like most of the aspects of your workplace?"

"Yes. They do try their hardest to care. And I know that they are trying to raise funds to build for the other facilities that people such as I can use." Kiyosato-san averted her eyes to the floor and Sesshomaru realized he might want to stop the discussion with her. Clearing his throat, he looked at Yamada-san. The man worked as an assistant English tutor at a cram school. He was there more as a teaching assistant than a teacher but it gave him something to do. The kids also found him to be more helpful at times.

"Yamada-san, would you like to discuss your experiences?" The male shrugged in a way that could either mean he wanted to share and didn't care how he was going to share it, or that he didn't want to share but was going to anyway.

"I don't know about you all," he started, "but for me it's getting people to come talk to me that's the hard part." He gave everyone a sad smile and it reminded Kagome of her thoughts that first night regarding him. "The work isn't bad and neither is the location. The classroom is big 'cause they use a University's lecture hall. I just wheel myself in and move to the corner by a window. There's a table there and I like to use it. I'm only there for a few hours so other things don't bother me as much but I've been told it wouldn't matter anyway. Um… I guess I'd like it if they explained things a bit more to the students."

Yamada-san twiddled his thumbs together. "I um… it's kind of annoying when the students walk into their first class and stare at me. I know that I look weird and I know that these kids are teenagers who try to be polite but are curious, but there's only so much a guy can take." He stopped then and took a moment to lower his voice. "It gets better as the semester passes but there are still some kids who aren't so nice if you get what I mean."

They all knew what he meant. Kagome remembered the boys and girls from her high school who were in that group. While her classmates were never rude to them directly, not a single member of that group was respected or given invites to certain parties. No one wanted those kids there and to hear them complain about things out of other people's control. She thought back to the bigoted man she had met in the bakery that first day. He was another one of those types wasn't he?

"It's good to know you aren't losing touch with your English." Kiyosato-san stated. Seeing Kagome's eyes widen, she huffed. "I'd completely forgotten! You don't know what we do. I work at the library on Toyo University's campus. Yamada-san assists in teaching English at a cram school that uses our facilities at night." Her face turned curious as her eyes narrowed.

"We all know where Taisho-san works but do you have a job Higurashi-san?"

"Me?" Kagome asked wringing her hands together. "I… it's only a temporary job. I had to quit my original one but um… I now work in a bookstore." She tried to think of something, anything that would relate to the stories that the others had shared. "It's… the couple running it are quite friendly and they don't treat me any different even though they know I'll quit in a month."

"You're quitting- why?" Yamada-san's question was laced with worry. He seemed to think that something at the store was keeping her away.

"I start chemo early in January. It's supposed to be five sessions over the course of five months. I won't be able to do much when I go through that."

"I see." The ex-soldier ran a hand down the back of his neck feeling bad about having made her tell. She didn't mind though- it was a legitimate question after all.

"Do you think," it was Kiyosato-san this time, "do you think people might not hire you because of your condition Higurashi-san? And… what about your life? My first husband left me when I… " She stopped suddenly feeling like she had shared too much. But it made Kagome realize that things weren't always perfect. She had no idea how Kiyosato-san and her new husband had met but it was obvious that she cared for this man and that he cared for her. She wondered if she would be in that position one day. That thought made her wonder just who that other person would be standing by her side.

"I don't know." Kagome answered wanting to try to offer some answer. "I am just getting used to the idea. Perhaps it would be difficult to get a job later. As for marriage, I haven't thought that far yet." She averted her eyes to the floor at the last statement aware of Taisho-san's inquisitive eyes on her person. It was weird having to answer this question with him so near her. She felt like he was waiting for her answer just as much as Kiyosato-san was.

"I'm sorry." Kiyosato-san murmured. "The question I asked was kind of rude wasn't it? I didn't mean to pry, it's just nice to finally have a female presence at these meetings." Kagome smiled at the elder woman.

"No, I think we could have good discussions one day." She hesitated but continued anyway. "Perhaps we could meet at Taisho-san's bakery one Saturday?"

"Of course."

The conversation shifted after that, becoming more of a policy discussion as the four tried to determine what might account for the lack of facilities designed for physically handicapped persons. Kagome chimed into the discussion a little, but stayed out of it for the most part since her particular situation didn't make her privy to the needs and wants of the other three. She came out of the meeting with much more information than she had going into it.

It was nearing ten-fifteen when Kiyosato-san and Yamada-san left. Stifling a yawn Kagome turned to Sesshomaru. They had, true to her words, not done much decorating after the kiss on Friday. She had placed the mistletoe over an unsuspecting table however. Climbing onto a table and craning her neck had not been pleasant. Being rewarded for her efforts had been. She couldn't help the sigh that escaped as she thought about it.

"We just have tinsel to hang." Sesshomaru stated moving to an area behind the cash register as he misinterpreted her sigh. "Then I can walk you home."

"You don't have to." The young woman followed him and then stood to the side as he kicked the boxes out. The tinsel was mostly red and green with some strands of silver and gold peeking out. She eagerly helped him get it out and then found the pins that Rin had bought.

He walked towards her, watching her measure the red and green strands. "Walking you home at eleven is the least I can do Kagome-san." She flushed at the name because it felt different when he said that. It made her feel special and cared for. And while she wanted to argue that she wouldn't mind walking home alone, she was giddy at that thought and knew that arguing with him on the matter would get her nowhere.

"Well then, the least I can do, is make sure you get home at a reasonable time." She couldn't tell if he found humor in the way she mimicked him. Her eyes did warm when he took an end of the green tinsel and held it tight. It was nice to not have to tell him what to do.

Cutting the tinsel was easy. What was harder was getting him to cooperate with helping her hang it on the walls. Apparently, Taisho-san was adamant that nothing hurt his walls. Only after he was confident that the pins they were using wouldn't create glaring holes in his walls did he allow her to use them. And even then, she was only allowed to use a few per strand so as not to damage the walls much. Feeling a little frustrated by the end, she had thrown a garland at his face.

"I'll fix those holes! Can I just finish and go home soon?"

The male grinned in a teasing manner. "So eager to leave my company?"

"What? No, of course not!" Kagome squeaked and turned around to hide her face once the words had left her mouth. She hadn't meant to sound so needy. She just didn't want to leave yet.

Sesshomaru walked towards her, maneuvering himself so that he stood in front of her. Next to them was the table above which the mistletoe hung. At first, he'd thought the parasitic plant was a parasite. Now, he realized that he would have to thank his sister for it later. He grimaced, imagining Rin's excited squeals and triumphant grin when he would tell her that.

"Higurashi-san," he began addressing her formally, "I apologize for teasing you."

She shook her head, getting the courage to peek up at him. "It's fine." She hesitated, her hands picking idly at the ends of the sweater she'd worn today, and averting her gaze again. "And you can call me Kagome." It didn't feel right to be kissing a man who was so formal in addressing her. She thought they had gone beyond that form of address now.

"Kagome," he stated, testing the name out. "Call me Sesshomaru then." When she didn't reply, he grabbed her around the waist causing her to look up at him once again. "Say my name."

She knew she was blushing now, not just because she could feel the heat on her face but because she knew that those words said in that tone would cause her to blush. She shook her head, burrowing her face into his chest and twining her arms around his body. Nope, there was no way she was going to say that now! She had to get the courage to say it. And it had to be in the right moment.

"Is it that difficult?" He asked softly, his one arm tightening around her waist.

"Yes," She managed out, her voice muffled against him. Warm and comfortable, she found herself stifling a yawn. A quick peek at the café showed that it was mostly done being decorated. One wall remained for her to string the garlands of tinsel.

"Let's finish the wall." Pulling away, she had to suppress a shiver at the sudden lack of warmth. Sesshomaru hid his annoyance at her actions and moved to let her go.

"Yes, let's."

A half hour later found them bundled up as they walked outside. It was supposed to be extremely cold tonight as a rare cold front swept in. Tokyo citizens were warned to dress in layers and make sure they kept themselves indoors as much as possible. Heaters were running inside all the homes and only a stray car or two drove on their neighborhood's streets. They huddled close together as they walked and she had half a mind to let him spend the night at the shrine instead of going home again in the cold.

The walk was silent as the two held hands. It was comforting to know that they didn't need to talk in each other's presence to let the other know what they felt. An occasional smile or a glance was enough to say what words couldn't. When they neared the shrine, she saw him hesitate. With a gentle tug, she let him walk her up the stairs, not wanting to leave his presence just yet. The lights in the living room were on and she wondered if it was Souta or Hitomi downstairs. Her mother and grandfather would have been asleep by now.

A sudden thought occurred to her and she led him inside, despite his protests. When they stood in the genkans and the shoji shut behind them, she spoke.

"Just stay here. I'll be back."

Tiptoeing into the living room she found her brother watching the night news. He was alone, Hitomi having already gone to bed. He had stayed awake unable to sleep when Kagome hadn't come home. Hitomi had told him of her suspicions regarding Kagome and the baker, and when he had asked his mother if she knew about it, she had only told him that it was something he needed to ask Kagome. He figured that when she came home, he'd be waiting for her and could ask her.

"Souta." Kagome stated edging closer to her brother and taking a seat on the sofa. "Can I ask you a favor?" Curious, he nodded to indicate she should continue. "Taisho-san walked me home but I don't want him to walk back in this cold. It's getting worse and I would feel terrible if he got sick because of me."

"Taisho-san?" Souta asked. "You mean the guy from the bakery?" He was starting to wonder if Hitomi's suspicions were true. "Why is he here and why did he walk you home?"

Kagome hesitated in deciding to tell him the truth. "He… he needed help decorating the bakery for Christmas. He wanted to surprise his sister and when I heard he needed help, I couldn't help it." Souta narrowed his eyes and she silently regretted teaching her brother how to lie years ago.

"The truth Kagome, now." Souta sounded like a father and Kagome had a sudden picture of him in that role. But right now, he was looking at her in that way. Could she tell him? What would happen if she did?

"I…" She seemed reluctant again but decided that the more she stalled, the longer Taisho-san had to wait in the genkan. "Taisho-san runs an amputee support group." She began her hands twiddling with the sweater she wore. "I attend the meetings and today, afterwards, I chose to stay and help him decorate. He walked me home after we finished."

It was silent after her admission. Souta took in her words and was thinking about them and what they meant. His sister had gone to a stranger for support and comfort. At first, he was angry that she thought to go to a stranger when he and the rest of the family had been patiently waiting for her to open up to them. But then, he paused in his thinking and calmed himself. The past week he had seen a shift in his sister. It was subtle, but it was there. It was there in the way she would smile and talk to them at breakfast, or in the way she was eager to go outside.

Two weeks ago his sister was a different person. She would be wearing those scarves that Hitomi had bought for her and she would have stood in the genkan for five minutes before venturing out. In fact, two weeks ago, she wouldn't have approached him with a request like the one she had just made because she would have been in her room instead of at the bakery. He didn't necessarily like it, but he realized that what Kagome had just told him was something she trusted he would keep to himself.

And he understood that apparently Kagome shared a connection with this man. Perhaps, getting to know Taisho-san and seeing with his own eyes would let him know what his sister saw in him. And perhaps that would help him get through to his sister as well. With a sigh, Souta stood up from the couch and turned off the television. He walked to the kitchen where the car keys were kept in a drawer, and took them out before following his sister to the genkan. He had never seen Taisho-san, so when he finally met the man who was helping his sister, it all clicked.

Taisho-san had one arm. Kagome now had one breast. A moment of clarity was all it took for him to finally understand that he needed to step away from his interference in his sister's life. It had been needed shortly after the mastectomy, but with Taisho-san in the picture, he didn't have a role to play anymore. It wasn't exactly comforting to realize that his sister didn't need him as much in her life anymore. It was however, a sign of progress and as much as it hurt him, he knew he had to allow it.

"Taisho-san," he greeted shrugging into his jacket and shoes, "my sister here wants me to drop you home. I won't take no for an answer. Let's go shall we?"

 * * * * *

It was the twentieth, a Saturday, and Sesshomaru was alone with Kagome again in the bakery. Rin had gone upstairs to their third floor apartment and he had let her. Kagome was currently squatting in front of the display cases. He had told her that she could have whatever she wanted since the bakery had already closed for the night. And thus, she was in her current position trying to choose whether to ask for a slice of the triple layer chocolate, the Black Forest, or the Vanilla cake with strawberry frosting.

"Still haven't made a choice?" He asked walking up to her. She turned up to look at him, craning her neck as she did so.

"There's three I've narrowed it down to." She explained. "Say, do you want to share a slice with me?" Her voice was lower as she asked the last question. Their new found relationship had yet to really sink in. She supposed that she would always be the shy one and he the more outgoing. Excluding their first kiss, there wasn't a lot she had initiated after all.

"Hmm." He bent into a squat as well. "The vanilla I suppose."

"Then I choose that one." Straightening back up, he moved to the kitchen to grab them a plate and forks. When he came back out, Kagome had chosen a table—the one closest to the tree—and was waiting patiently for him. He transferred the cake slice onto the plate and made his way over to the table choosing to sit adjacent to her instead of across from her.

"You guys always make the best cakes." She stated happily as she took a bite. "You have to let me know who makes these one day."

Sesshomaru grinned. Shippo was a handful; he could guarantee that much. But the young man knew how to take Sesshomaru's recipes and make them live up to their original form. Sesshomaru had wanted to open the bakery since he was a teenager. He had been accepted into a culinary school even. A few months short of graduation however, the accident had occurred. Shippo had been his roommate—a freshman who was eagerly looking up to the senpai who seemed to excel in classes—and had promised to help him.

At first, Sesshomaru had declined his help. Eventually, as he and Shippo stopped communicating after he left the culinary school, he wondered if the boy had just given up. Yet one day, as he was selling flowers in the florist shop where he worked, Shippo marched in and demanded that he talk to him. He had graduated culinary school and, using a few favors, had managed to find him and Sesshomaru a furnished restaurant and home. It had taken him weeks of convincing, but finally, the senpai had relented and the bakery that Sesshomaru had always dreamed of running was no longer a dream.

Speaking of, Shippo hadn't been in the kitchen. Hopefully that meant he had gone back home to stay in his own apartment, the one above the bookstore Kagome worked at.

"Sesshomaru?" Kagome prompted realizing she had been decimating the cake while he was lost in thoughts.

"Hmm?" He felt relaxed and happy today. He couldn't find it himself to really care to speak or say anything much.

"You should eat some too. Instead of trying to make me fat all the time." The male laughed but obliged to her wishes and took a bite of cake.

He chewed and swallowed. "You aren't fat." The male assured her. "In fact, you could probably eat some more. There's two more slices you were debating on correct?" She turned amused eyes to him at the teasing before shaking her head and snagging another bite of the slice in front of her.

"Whatever you say. Are you sure you don't want any more? I'm about to finish it all."

"Yes." He waited until she had finished the cake and then began speaking again. "How was your meeting with the doctor yesterday?"

Kagome placed her fork down on the plate slowly, and Sesshomaru pushed it away so that he had room to take her hand in his. On Thursday, they hadn't had much time to talk after the meeting. Kagome had mentioned that she had to leave early that night; she had an appointment with her doctor the next day regarding chemotherapy sessions. It was a meeting that went further than the preliminary one. This one walked her through the procedure and the doctor had asked to examine her physical progress before he started.

She never wanted someone to touch that breast in such a clinical way again.

The young woman shrugged her shoulders and when she spoke, her voice was detached. "Dr. Ogawa assessed the progress of my physical healing. He says I'll be ready for chemo at the end of January." She shifted so that her hand was lying palm up, and he could feel the heat of her hand through his. "He also recommended someone. She is a nutritionist who works in a clinic near the hospital. I called her yesterday after the meeting. She says she'll be free in January and we can discuss my options then."

It was silent for a moment as he tried to think of what to say. Something yesterday had shocked her and upset her. Sesshomaru knew it had to do something with the doctor and the chemotherapy sessions. Was she dreading them or their effects? He wanted to ask, but he didn't know how to without making her clam up and refuse to talk. He didn't want to upset her further. Curling his fingers around the hand he held, he entwined them and glanced down.

Her fingers were smaller and paler next to his. She already looked fragile. What would she look like later after the sessions started?

"What hospital are you going to get the chemotherapy done at?" Her eyes, which had been focused on their hands moved to look at his face. He was still looking at their hands though and she wanted to know what he saw when he looked there.

"Yoshida Cancer Center." His face lifted to look at hers.

"When is your first session?" Confused, her eyes narrowed as she tried to think of how and what to reply with to his question. A closer look displayed that his face showed some determination and compassion. She swallowed and then licked her lips as she realized what his question meant; what he wanted to invite himself to.

"No." Her voice was stronger than she expected, and she had to blink to clear the liquid from her eyes. "Don't come. You can't."

Sesshomaru's jaw clenched and he grit his teeth. He wanted to know; he wanted to be there for her. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and let out a sigh. If he pushed today, he would leave them both at an impasse. He would have to convince her to tell him the dates of her sessions another time. And if she refused to divulge that information, he would gladly ask her family members. He wanted to be there for her when she needed strength. Nothing she said would make him go away.

The bakery owner's eyes opened deciding that he would push the matter for another day. "Was the bookstore busy today?" The abrupt shift in conversation made his tablemate pause for a moment and think on her answer.

Kagome lifted her other hand and casually wiped at her eyes to clear them of any excess moisture. "It was quite busy. We had a lot of students rushing to try to get last minute gifts. It'll be like this until three p.m. Christmas Day." His fingers tightened their hold on her hand. The conversation was now steering towards waters that he wanted to roam.

"You finish at three that day?" He asked rhetorically. "Do you have any plans for afterwards?" She bit her lip. Her mother had asked her the same question last night. Souta was taking Hitomi out to dinner and then a Tokyo Philharmonic concert. Her answer to her mother last night had indicated her mother might be alone with her grandfather that night.

She braced herself for the question following her answer. "No, I don't."

"Spend it with me then." Sesshomaru started, surprised at his sudden confidence. He seemed reluctant to continue and she tugged at his hand prompting him to finish what he wanted to say. "Rin will be spending the night with the Nakamuras. If you don't mind, I was hoping we could celebrate Christmas at my apartment."

The words sent a thrill through her. Kagome had only been in one other relationship where she celebrated Christmas with her significant other. It had been magical but it lacked any of the feeling she felt about spending Christmas with Sesshomaru. She found it odd that she got more of a thrill about a Christmas date after the mastectomy than before it. A part of her was also anxious. His words implied that she would be alone with him in his apartment. Just the two of them surrounded by the romance. She knew what might happen.

But she also knew that he would take her only as far as she wanted to go.

"Okay." Her reply was whispered and he had to strain to hear it.

"The bakery closes at five." He informed her unable to keep the happiness out of his voice. "You can meet me here then." She nodded, giving him a hesitant smile. It had yet to sink in that she was going to celebrate Christmas with him in his apartment. When it did, she knew she would be more anxious.

The clock on the wall ticked and indicated that it was nearing ten at night. She slowly disconnected their hands and stood. Her mother had asked her to help clean the shrine tomorrow for the upcoming New Year's Eve celebrations. She needed to get a good night's sleep before then. Shrugging into her coat and buttoning it up, she watched him stand and don his coat as well. It seemed he was going to walk her home again.

"I'm sorry I have to leave. We're cleaning the shrine tomorrow for New Year's." Walking closer, she placed her hands onto his shoulder and then raised onto her tiptoes to press a chaste kiss against his lips. Pulling away, she grinned. "Walk me home?"

His smile caused her breath to hitch. "Of course."

 * * * * *

Kagome didn't know what to expect on the date. The night before, after much hair pulling frustration, she had cornered her sister-in-law after dinner and asked for her help in choosing something for the date. The rest of the family had been in shock, save Souta, and Hitomi had grinned knowingly as she followed Kagome to her room. They spent the better part of an hour matching outfits and trying to decide what Kagome looked best in. In the end, they settled on a burgundy sweater dress that hugged her curves and a pink pashmina shawl covered in intricate designs to layer on it.

It was Hitomi who insisted on the brown leggings. "I'll be wearing mine tomorrow under my evening gown due to the cold. I'd suggest you wear yours too just in case."

And that was how, she found herself fumbling with her scarf as she finished her shift in the bookstore. It had been a while—almost two weeks—since she had worn one. The weight around her neck felt a little burdensome and she desperately wanted to relieve herself of it. Except she knew she couldn't do that here. The dress highlighted the missing portion of her body clearly. A sigh left her as she thought of her date again. Playing with the ends of her pashmina, she failed to see the amusement on the face of her female boss.

"Oh, just go on your date already!" Tanaka-oji san groused. "You youngsters these days. Celebrating these stupid western holidays instead of Tanabata." Kagome blushed at the old man's words. It was true, Tanabata was not as popular today as it had once been.

"Hush!" His wife chided, slapping him on the arm playfully. "Don't listen to him dear. Tell me, what time are you meeting Taisho-san and what does he have planned?"

She blushed again at the elder woman's words. "We're meeting at five at the bakery. As for what he has planned, it's a surprise."

Technically, it was true. He hadn't told her much except that he was planning something in his apartment. And she knew that she couldn't divulge that little bit of information to the elderly couple. In their time, visiting a man's apartment wasn't looked upon in a positive light. While it was considered normal now, the elderly couple would still have a hard time understanding the concept. She had a hard enough time this morning trying to explain to her grandfather why she had dressed so nice.

"Surprises are good." Tanaka obaa-san stated softly. "Taisho san's a good man for you. You've become happier since you met him." Kagome's eyes widened at the words. It was one thing to hear those words from her sister-in-law, but coming from one of her bosses made them seem more real.

She hadn't realized just how much of a positive impact he had had on her life. "Thank you." The younger woman finally stated as the clock chimed.

It was three p.m. now. Kagome had to take care of the remaining customers before deciding what to do for two hours until she had to meet Sesshomaru. Perhaps she'd go visit the bakery early? Or maybe, she could get him a gift? And it was her first time at his apartment. She figured he had dinner plans thrown in there. So should she get something for dinner? A customer, one of the five left in the store, approached her at the cash register and she bagged his item as she worried her bottom lip. She'd figure it out when she left, she decided.

A half-hour later Kagome walked out of the store huddling down into her scarf as a strong gust of wind hit. She shivered; the dress didn't seem like such a good idea at the moment. Standing outside the bookstore she tried to think of what to get. She assumed that Taisho-san had dinner prepared: from the cake (he did own a bakery after all) to the rest of the food. But what about drinks? She could stop by and get a bottle of wine. Yes, she decided, that was a good place to start.

A few blocks down the street led her to the Yamada Alcohol Shop. She had known Ayu and her family since she was little and knew that they would give her good options. Now, all she had to do was ask them about their selection. It was Ayu's brother Hiro who greeted her. He was a few years her junior and had a massive crush on her growing up. Luckily, that puppy love phase had died. She did like to tease him about it though.

"Kagome-chan!" The young man greeted, his old friendship with her negating the need for a more formal address. "Haven't seen you in a while."

"You either Hiro-kun. How are you?" He grinned as he leaned an elbow on the counter.

"Eh, I've been good. So what brings you here today? Special date tonight?" Kagome flushed a little at his question and he grinned. "So you do have a date. Who is it? Anyone I know?" She wanted to tell him no, but then she realized that Hiro-kun was a close friend. And it wasn't as if she was really hiding her relationship with Taisho-san. She just hadn't had a good reason to tell anyone about it.

"I'm… having dinner with Taisho-san tonight at his apartment," she began well aware that Hiro probably knew the bakery owner. "Do you have any recommendations for wine that I could bring to dinner?" Hiro was silent for a moment. He had clearly not expected her answer.

"Taisho-san?" He asked. Carefully, so as not to make her feel he was pitying her, he reached out a hand and tugged one end of her scarf to the side. "You relate to him because of that?"

Kagome hitched a breath and moved the scarf end gently away from Hiro. His actions weren't ones that she was offended by. Still, it surprised her that he knew her so well. She had told him and Ayu about the cancer, but she hadn't realized just how much they cared for her well-being. A gentle smile took over her face. Hiro always knew who her heart was set on even before she did. And like always, he seemed to know who it was fixated on now. 

"We started getting to know each other because of our similar circumstances." She paused trying to think on what had changed their relationship. "It's different now though. He's… patient and he cares for me. And I care for him." She hadn't realized that those words were waiting to come out. She now understood that her feelings for Taisho-san could be classified this way.

Hiro smiled. "I'm glad for you then." He moved back to the array of wine bottles in their designated holes behind him. "Dinner you said? Let's see… something to go well with cake and fried food." He stopped and turned to look at her. "You only want wine?"

Kagome looked at him curiously. "Not necessarily, but I guess something like that would be preferred. Why do you ask?"

Hiro moved from behind the counter to go towards a different section of the store. "I know it sounds weird, but champagne is a really good drink choice. It goes well with cake and fried chicken." He browsed the shelf he was in front of. "Aha, here we go. A California champagne. It tastes really nice as it is from the year 2000." He brought the bottle to Kagome.

"It's nice." She eyed the size. She wasn't sure how much was in it, but it was more than a half-liter.

"Six glasses is how much this should get." Hiro explained as he bagged the bottle up. "That'll be 4,000 yen." Kagome flinched. It was a good thing she had some money saved for small expenses. As she made to pay though, Hiro stopped her. "2,000 will do Kagome-chan." She hesitated, feeling like he was giving her charity. Her insurance had covered most of her chemotherapy costs and so, he didn't have to worry as much.

"Look," Hiro explained, "Ayu nee-san and I – we felt bad that we weren't able to help out more once we found out about the cancer. And well, I haven't seen you this happy about a guy in a long time." Hiro scratched the back of his neck in an embarrassed manner. "I guess you can also think of this as a Christmas present."

Kagome hesitated but realized that turning Hiro down would make him feel bad. She didn't blame him or Ayu for not coming to visit as much. Their father had died the year before and the two were slowly adjusting to running the business themselves. She did however understand their need to try to help. She would have done the same for them. Of course, the other part of his statement went largely ignored. Was she that transparent when it came to Taisho-san?

"Okay." She silently pocketed the extra money and waited for him to give the bottle back to her. When he did, she took it, bidding him goodbye before heading out into the cold once more. She hesitated; she wanted to get Taisho-san a gift but she wasn't sure what to get him. To her right sat a knick-knack store, to her left there was a store selling art supplies. She sighed as she moved towards the store on the right. Getting him art supplies seemed pointless when she had no idea if he used them. A knick-knack might be worth it though.

A half-hour of perusing the store led to nothing. With a dejected sigh, she thanked the shopkeeper and left. It was nearing four-thirty now and she supposed that her best option was to head to the bakery. She might be early, but she had no idea what to do with the half-hour allotted to her. And it wasn't as if she was coming too early. If she walked slowly, she would make it to the bakery in fifteen minutes. A sudden gust of wind blew at her and she shivered eyeing the pathway in front of her. She was cold, she decided, and the slow walk wouldn't help her. Before the wind could catch her unawares again she wanted to be inside and warm.

Sesshomaru glanced up when the door chimed at another's entrance. He knew that Christmas would be busy, but he always underestimated how busy it would be. Giving Kagome a quick smile in greeting he turned back to the line in front of him. Next to him Shippo was getting the cakes ready while Kohaku boxed them and handed them to the customers. It was efficient and it helped them get through the line quicker. He sighed. The faster it was done, the better.

"Higurashi-san!" Rin greeted enthusiastically getting the attention of a few people in line. "Merry Ku-ris-a-masu!"

Kagome returned the festive greeting as she looked at the line. "Is it always like this?"

"Mostly yes. Some people forget or the cake gets ruined or something." The teenager eyed the bottle that Kagome was carrying in a festive bag. "Nii-chan generally stays open till 10 p.m.; this is the first year he has closed early." Rin's statement earned her a few looks from those in line and caused Kagome to fidget nervously.

"Rin," her brother called noting that there was an awkwardness between the two females. "Either get back to work or get ready for your own date." His sister squeaked in embarrassment and stuck her tongue out at him. Turning to Kagome, she found the woman was sitting down at a table next to the Christmas tree. Most of the tables were free since the customers who were there merely wanted to pick up a cake and head home instead of sitting down and eating at the bakery.  She wasn't sure just what her nii-chan had planned, but she supposed she could take her leave now.

Twenty minutes later, the line dissipated and Kohaku and Shippo sighed happily. The younger male came out to greet her while the other one moved to the door and fixed the sign so that it read closed. He moved back to Sesshomaru who gave him some instructions. The male that Kagome hadn't met yet disappeared while Sesshomaru came out from behind the counter as well. He was just in time to hear Kagome tease the teenage boy near her.

"So tell me, when did you finally get the courage to ask Rin-san out?" Kohaku's blush reminded her of a time when she was getting ready for high school dates and reading shoujo manga. It seemed like ages ago.

"It's… we planned this about two weeks ago." Kohaku murmured. "I guess you could say we got together on the school trip."

"Hn." The younger male jumped and shrunk into himself at the look Sesshomaru gave him. Kagome had to bite her lip to contain her mirth at their exchange. "See to it she is safe."

"Yes Taisho-san!" She noticed the change in the way Kohaku addressed the brother of the girl he was dating. She had a feeling Sesshomaru didn't really care what he was called or what Kohaku and Rin did as long as the two were happy and didn't make any stupid decisions. Then again, didn't he mention that the teenagers were spending the night with the Nakamura's? She supposed the elder brother didn't have much to worry about if that was the case.

"Yo Sess! I'll see you later!" The stranger from before—Shippo—waved as he headed out the door. Sesshomaru inclined his head as the door jingled closed and footsteps thundered on the stairs. It seemed that he and Kagome would be alone soon enough.

"Nii-chan!" Rin careened to a stop in front of him and he inwardly rolled his eyes at her rambunctious attitude. "I'll be going now. I've got my clothes and everything so I'll be fine. Call if you need anything."

The elder brother nodded. "Let me know if you require anything Rin. Be safe." He put his hand on her hair and grinned as he ruffled it, knowing she would protest at the action.

"I just spent ten minutes fixing it!" Rin groaned pushing his hand away and desperately trying to smooth her hair.

"It looks fine Rin-chan." Kohaku stated smiling at the picture she made. The teenager stopped and looked flustered for a moment before she nodded. Throwing her arms around her brother, she wished him a good night and told him to enjoy the holiday before she left with her boyfriend.

Finally, the two were alone.

It was peaceful for a moment. Excusing himself, Sesshomaru moved to lock the door to the bakery and double-check that everything was put away. Kagome stood, watching him and unsure of just what to do to help him close shop. He finally finished, and held out his hand to her. Walking over to him, she took it with the hand holding the bag of champagne wondering what it was that he wanted.

"I have to turn the lights off soon." He answered going to the stairs. "If I lead you up the stairs will you turn them off for me?"

She squeezed the hand he held understanding why he had asked her that question. A quick glance to her right showed her the light switch. She quickly shut it off and the two were enveloped in semi-darkness. There were no lights on the second floor and she supposed that was because no one had visited that floor today. He silently lead her up stairs that he was used to taking and led her towards the one floor she hadn't seen yet: the floor housing his apartment.

The stairs ended in a tiny foyer with a door behind it. She noticed various types of shoes littering the area closer to the door. Following his cue, she toed off her shoes and waited for him to unlock the door. He had to let go of her hand to open the door and she realized she missed the warmth that it gave her. A click sounded and he shuffled for a moment before opening the door and letting her in.

The apartment was cozier than she expected. Two small leather couches made an L-shape in the living room around the coffee table. One of them sat across from a flat screen television. On the other end was a spacious looking kitchen and dining room. A hallway was in front of her with rooms to the right and left and one at the end. She heard another click and turned to see Sesshomaru locking the door and taking off his coat. A coat hook sat next to the door and he draped his coat on it before turning to her. She shrugged out of hers and let him hang it up as well.

"If you give me a moment, I'll wash up and be right back." She nodded taking a seat on the couch as he walked down the hall towards the door at the end.

The apartment was decorated tastefully. There was a bookshelf in the corner next to the T.V. and an entertainment center under it. Various artwork dotted the walls: pictures of the sakura trees in bloom in the spring, of Kyoto covered in snow in the winter, of Sesshomaru sleeping on the grass on a warm summer day. Eager to see a side of him she never had before she made her way to the picture. She recognized the park as one of the many in Ueno. The sun was shining and cast a perfect shadow near the tree which he lay under. He looked happy and content, relaxed even. She wondered who he was with and what he was doing to make him feel that way.

"Rin took that." Startled, she jumped and knocked herself into his chest. His arm wound around her preventing her from attacking him further and helping him maintain his equilibrium. It took her a moment to calm herself down.

"You startled me." His arm let go now that she wasn't as scared.

"I apologize." Moving back, he walked into the kitchen aware of her following him. "I'm afraid I wasn't able to get dinner started." He paused in front of the stove. "If you don't mind, I will begin cooking."

"I'll help." He turned to look at her, intent on telling her he didn't need it but paused at her facial expression. "I'm hungry; I was too nervous to eat lunch. And it'll be faster to cook if you have two people doing it." She set the wine bag on the low Japanese-style dining table and then moved towards the threshold separating the two rooms.

Sesshomaru's eyes softened and he nodded giving her entrance. Two knives came out from the knife block on a counter and two bamboo cutting boards followed. Leeks, scallions, mushrooms, potatoes, zucchini, and carrots soon joined the materials on the island. He pulled out a carton of eggs as well before stopping. He could have brought the cake from the bakery today, but he had wanted to cook a cake himself just for the two of them. Unfortunately, one hand made it rather hard to measure ingredients.

"What is it?" Kagome asked noting his glance towards the pantry.

"I wanted… to make a cake." He hesitated but then continued. "Rin generally measures the ingredients for me."

"Oh." Kagome walked towards him, placing a hand on his arm. "Where do I get the measuring cups? And how do you want me to do it?" He hesitated. He wanted to do the cake but… perhaps it would be nice if she made the cake and he guided her. It would be easier.

"I'll tell you… if you want to make it." Kagome watched the expressions play out on his face. She didn't know much about Sesshomaru, including why he had chosen to start a bakery. She wondered if he had wanted to be a baker and the bakery was his way of living out that dream.

"Okay." She stated moving to the side. "You seem to enjoy baking." Sesshomaru stopped in his motion of getting the carrot ready for chopping. It was a little difficult to chop with one hand, but he had gotten to be an expert at it. He hadn't felt the need to share information about him before. But then again, this was his girlfriend asking a question that she deserved an answer to.

"I wanted to be a baker." He finally replied his eyes looking at the carrot but his mind somewhere else. "I had to settle for running a bakery instead."

Kagome knew there was more to that story and that if he wanted to, he would share that story with her one day. She felt intrusive and wished that she hadn't spoken as she had in the first place. She knew how hard it was to talk about her mastectomy. She could only imagine how difficult it would be for him to talk about his own injury. She gave the arm she was holding a squeeze and instead gestured to the pantry. It was best to change the conversation.

"So, where are the measuring things again?"

"The second shelf of the pantry. The mixing bowls are next to it. And the flour is on the floor in the red storage box." Nodding, she began prepping the cake with his instructions calmly guiding her.

Kagome had never realized how fun it was to cook with someone she was involved with. Sesshomaru was fun to talk to in the kitchen and she realized, much to her dismay, that he was a better baker than she was. His cooking skills were a notch below hers and she was surprised at his level of skill. Cooking with him was also romantic. When she had been whisking the wet ingredients for the cake, his hand had fallen on hers and properly guided her. And when she had been frying the tempura he would be sneaking some off to eat. Teasing and flirting their way around the kitchen had been a novel experience and one she realized she wanted to experience with him again.

"The cake's done!" She announced as the timer on the oven dinged. The udon she was stir-frying with vegetables was sizzling on the stove and the rice that Sesshomaru had thrown into the rice cooker was almost done if the steam was an indication of its status.

"Not yet." Sesshomaru nudged her to the side and she giggled as she stopped her mixing long enough for him to bring the cake out. She watched him search a drawer before he sighed and moved to another one filled with utensils. Taking a fork, he turned to her. "I'm sorry to do this, but I need to check the cake." She watched and then let out an indignant shout as he poked the cake in the middle and then pulled the fork out.

"You! Did you have to do that?"

Sesshomaru held the fork and the two meager crumbs on it as a peace offering. "I had to check that the cake was done. And there were no toothpicks." She rolled her eyes and turned back to the stove. Turning the stove off, she stirred the noodles again as he gently curved his arm around her and put his head on her shoulder. "I promise, the next time we make a cake together, I'll have toothpicks."

She paused in her stirring of the noodles. She hadn't realized he was already thinking of a next time. "Okay." She answered not sure if there would be a next time. Why would anyone want to stick around a chemo patient? He pulled away, and she felt the loss of his warmth keenly.

"Let me get the table ready. I'll take the tempura and the cake to the table." Kagome left the noodles alone and turned to him, her playful tone back.

"Oh no you don't, I'll be in charge of the tempura. If I don't, I don't know if I'll have any left to eat." Sesshomaru grinned reaching towards the tempura bowl only to have Kagome step into his path. She stuck out her tongue and grabbed the bowl herself, taking it to the dining table.

It was nice to eat an informal dinner with Sesshomaru. The two sat next to each other on the floor cushions. They pushed propriety to the side and shared a plate, stealing bites of each other's food and playing a game to see who got a bigger bite. As Sesshomaru snagged another mouthful of udon, Kagome scowled at him. He moved and picked up a piece of tempura—based on the coloring he assumed it was potato—and held it up to her mouth. She eyed the piece curiously and hesitated. Sharing a plate with him was intimate enough; Sesshomaru feeding her led to a whole new level.

Carefully, she snagged the piece from the chopsticks, tugging a little to grab it all. Chewing and then swallowing, she flushed as she noted that his eyes stayed glued to her.

"How was it?" Sesshomaru asked softly after she swallowed.

Instead of answering, she fished around their plate for a piece of tempura and finally found one—a fried mushroom. She was reluctant about her actions, but decided that they were worth it. Carefully, the young woman held the piece she had grabbed up to him for inspection. Her eyes refused to meet his but he understood that she was mimicking his actions. Leaning forward he ate the food she fed him watching as she reddened even further. He wondered if she would ever stop blushing in his presence.

"We're almost done." She murmured once he had taken the piece. "Can we cut the cake yet?"

Her eager expression and the happy lilt to her voice, reminded Sesshomaru of a little kid. Unable to help it, he started laughing, the first time he had done so in her presence. The sound was carefree and Kagome watched him in awe. She hadn't realized how amazing it was to see him so carefree. And she hadn't realized just how attractive he was when he laughed. Her eyes moved to the cake and then back to his still laughing form. The cake didn't seem as appealing anymore. Steeling herself, she moved closer to him and placed a hand on his chest.

Sesshomaru's laughter stopped and he looked at her closely. He was still amused at her question, but he was now also wondering what she wanted. Her other hand moved some of the hair away from his face. It came to rest on his cheek while one hand lingered where it was and radiated heat from its position. She seemed hesitant about something and he wanted to reassure her. Carefully, he curled his arm around her back, holding her close to him. Using that leverage, she moved her lips over his.

They had shared kisses before, but the kiss she gave him this time carried with it something else. There was something there, in the way that she held onto him and in the tenderness with which their lips moved together. And there was something else: a passion that was spreading over the two. The feeling started from the hand over his chest and spread through his body. He pulled her closer and she responded by aiding him and moving into his lap.

Pulling away, he stared at her. "Kagome?" He questioned the moment forgoing the need for any honorifics.

Kagome shuddered. She knew the feeling she was experiencing. It had been a while since she had felt desire for someone, especially a male. A part of her wondered if this was what she wanted. Another part of her agreed it was what she wanted but needed to know if it was right. It felt right, but she didn't want whatever happened to change things between them. This night was to be special and she'd be damned if she was going to ruin it.

"Kagome, what was that?" His hand was now running over her back in soothing strokes.

She didn't answer his question and posed another one. "Will this change anything between us?" Sesshomaru's hand stopped moving and his eyes carefully sought out hers. Moving his hand, he used it to cup her cheek. It took him a few moments to understand what she was talking about. It took him another few to formulate an answer.

"It will." He responded, watching her eyes widen. "If we continue, you should know that I won't let you go without a valid reason."

Kagome considered his words carefully. If she spent the night with him then it meant she was going to start a relationship with him: a long-term relationship. It meant he was going to stay for the chemos and the aftermath if he wanted. It meant more than a fling. It meant he cared for her just as much as she was beginning to care for him. She knew then what she wanted.

Reaching forward she kissed him again. His lips lay still for a moment but then he took control. This wasn't gentle; it was passionate. His hand moved to angle her neck while her own threaded into his hair. Pulling away from her mouth harshly, he began to pepper kisses across her face and moved to her earlobe.

Kagome used her other hand to gently push at him. "No, not here." She managed out, realizing where this was leading. She didn't want Sesshomaru to take her in the dining room. She wanted to be in a bed when it happened.

Carefully, he let go of her lobe and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips once more. Letting go of her face, he used the hand to push himself up. Kagome copied his actions, taking his arm when he let her and following him down the hallway that she had seen earlier. A larger room was to the right, a smaller one to the left. He led her into the larger room and she took it in for a few moments. A window, whose blinds were closed, sat in a corner. His bed bordered it, covered in dark blue sheets with a warm brown comforter and pillows.

"Are you sure about this?" The words stopped her perusal of the room and she looked at the man who still held her hand.

She had no doubts now, she realized, taking him in. She hadn't realized just how attracted she was to this man. The open door was behind her and she used her other arm to push it closed, enclosing them in darkness. Sesshomaru moved, for she felt her arm move and a light turned on. It was dim, but it was enough for her to see him. He was happy and he looked… he looked like he had found something that he spent a long time searching for. It made her feel powerful to be the object of that gaze.

Letting his hand go, she fumbled with her scarf—odd that he hadn't mentioned it today—before letting it go. Her fingers found the hem of her dress and danced around it for a moment. Eventually she gained the courage to lift it above her head, baring herself to his gaze. She hadn't been able to find bras yet for her new lifestyle. Since the surgery, she had taken to wearing her old bras, the ones with cups and support, not the flimsy kind, to try to hide what was clearly noticeable now. Kagome stood there topless in front of him, waiting for him to say something.

To her surprise, he walked closer, tugging her forward with his hand and having her stand next to the bed. Swift fingers undid the buttons on his shirt before pausing. It took her a moment to understand why he had stopped. Carefully, Kagome used her hands to smooth the shirt down his arm and tug it away from his other shoulder. With gentleness, she removed the shirt he was wearing under it as well leaving him just as bare as she was. Sesshomaru's hand moved to caress her face and then his head lowered.

This kiss was slow and gentle; it was coaxing her into relaxing and enjoying his presence. She traced her hands over his now bare chest and he gently guided her onto the bed, until the two of them lay on it: Sesshomaru on top of Kagome. His eyes hovered on her breast just as hers moved to trace the stump attached to his shoulder. For her, it was a distraction, a way to pretend she wasn't topless in front of him and showing him everything she sought to hide for so long. Carefully, he lowered himself onto her and moved his hand to the scars. Kagome hitched a breath as his hand brushed the one spot of her body that caused her so much pain. She moved to bring her arms up, but it was too late. He had her trapped, and she now lay bare for him to see.

"So brave," Sesshomaru murmured, bending down and giving each scar a kiss. The action surprised her, and she didn't realize how much she wanted it.

"You are such a wonderful woman," he murmured, his lips never leaving her breast.

The words were a soothing balm to her battered—and now mostly mended—spirit, but it was his touch she focused on now. Each press of his lips against her skin heightened her senses, pushed her towards a renewed awareness of herself. She hadn't thought of her body in a sexual way since the mastectomy, and yet, here was this man, laying gentle touches with his lips on the area of her body that she was sure she would never feel anything from again.

A particular suckle caused her to gasp, and her hands moved to clutch at his shoulders. He smirked, his eyes meeting hers before he did that again, and she dug her fingers into his shoulders. Carefully, slowly, his lips moved to her other side, trying to show her that this one part of her body was just as beautiful as the other side and that he didn't care what she looked like. Kagome felt the tears escape her eyes and at the first sniffle, he stopped, his eyes meeting hers.

"Kagome?" He questioned softly not knowing if he had done something to cause the tears. She shook her head, trying to come up with words to explain what she was feeling.

Finally, she got her emotions under control. He hadn't moved from his position but his actions had stopped. She didn't want that.

"Again." Kagome stated. At his confused look, she smiled. "Again Sesshomaru, please do it again."

Sesshomaru's eyes widened for a moment before his face softened. He began to learn this part of her body with his lips. He memorized each gasp, each sound she made and made notes on what caused her reactions. He focused on her and making her happy and as his kisses trailed further down, he wondered if she would let him continue. Carefully, he used his arm to tug at the band on her leggings, his hand finding purchase of her panties as well.

Before he could tug it down, her hands tightened on his.

"Do you… can you… take yours off too?" Kagome didn't know why she was timid. This wasn't her first time having sex. She supposed it was different because this was a different experience. She hadn't felt this insecure about her body in a while and she wanted to know that if she was going to be naked, Sesshomaru was too.

His sudden movement off the bed left her feeling cold. She felt goose bumps rise on her body as she watched to see what he was doing. Hasty fingers undid the buttons on his trousers and pulled down the zipper. A quick shrug and maneuvering had the pants off his legs. Tugging at the boxers he wore, he pulled those down quickly as well, bending a little to effectively free himself of them. Looking back down at her, he grinned.

"Better?" She blushed but nodded as he settled over her again. This time she didn't stop him as he pulled the rest of her clothes off.

A kiss to her stomach made her gasp and shiver. It had been a while since she had been intimate and she had forgotten how it felt; how strong desire could be. As his lips trailed lower, her eyes widened, intent on telling him to stop, that he didn't have to. She never had the chance as he lowered his mouth and kissed her there. Gasps and squeals came from her mouth, as he used his mouth and lips to bring her pleasure. She couldn't think, she just felt. Her orgasm left her breathless; she felt like she was a firework which had just exploded in the night sky.  Shaking, she tried to reorient herself. 

Kagome opened her eyes in time to see him rip open a foil packet with his teeth. He then paused, read something on it, and then sighed in relief before handing it to her. Kagome blinked, not sure what it was she was seeing. It took her a few more blinks before her brain caught up with her and she flushed as she took the packet from his hand.

She had never rolled a condom onto her boyfriends before. As her hands neared his member she wondered if it was alright to perform such an intimate action on a man she had only met a few weeks ago. Her hands shook and he helped her as best he could, the action causing a little bit of embarrassment on both their parts. When she finished, she moved her eyes away and up his body to meet his. His were darkened with lust. She wondered if that same feeling was reflected in hers.

Moving her face closer to his, she sealed their lips together in a slow, languid kiss as he entered her. There was a burn, a brief pain—she hadn’t been with anyone in a while—but it passed and gave way to pleasure. Their hips moved together, his lips moved over what he could reach, her hands explored. Her mouth found the shoulder from which there used to be an arm and she placed a gentle kiss on the stump. His movements faltered and his breath hitched. Seconds later, she found herself lost in his actions, and she gave up her exploration to instead enjoy the moment.

When her orgasm hit she swore she saw stars and heard someone call out their names. By the time she had come back, she realized that it had been their voices she had heard. Sesshomaru lay there, panting above her, his sweat slicked body covering hers and his head on the pillow by her right shoulder. Her limbs felt like jelly but she managed to snag an end of the brown comforter and pulled it up over them.

"Stay the night. Stay with me." Kagome threaded a hand through his hair, her lips finding a spot on his brow as she yawned and her fatigue became prevalent.

"Of course."

He had taken her back to shore. She wanted to make sure he kept her there.

 * * * * * 

A/N: If you know my writing, you know this is the first time I've written a lemon.  Thoughts on that last scene are much appreciated.  As are thoughts on the story in general, and information on any mistakes you spot.  I got the edted version back two hours ago and am way too eager to do anything but post it with the fixes.  

I generally format my stories, but I am too daunted by doing that here. Thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed the holiday themed story :)