The Conversations in the Garden by kaoruhana

The Conversations in the Garden

A/N: Tuberculosis or consumption is a deadly disease- but was definitely much harder to diagnose and cure before the early 1920’s (based on research).  I don’t know how most families treated TB when someone caught it.  For this story, I’ll say this: never studied medicine, so please, inform me I if I need to fix any mistakes I made.  Tuberculosis is highly contagious and most people who had it, have/had a handkerchief with them at all times.  There was probably strict isolation as well for some. 

In this story, Kagome’s family isn’t trying to be rude to her or disown her.  Based on what they knew and considering that the Higurashi family is large, they were trying to protect the younger kids.  So yes, she understands why she needs to be isolated from her family.  And there were certain periods in history when families could buy people and services for money.  What the Higurashi’s will do in this story is considered to be a desperate but legal measure. 

The nakosendo was an old trail that connected Tokyo to Kyoto.  And since this story takes place shortly after the Meiji Restoration there will be a few references to the warriors and the political issues in the time period.  Both Sesshomaru and Rin’s lover were based off real-life personages: Mori Ogai (Sesshomaru) and Hara Kei (Rin’s Hara-san). 

Lastly, I’m going to go ahead and say it and if you haven’t guessed: SPOILER (kind of).  There will be a character death (or four).  At the time that I set this story to take place, there was no known cure for TB.  So yes, once you got it you were sentenced to death.   I will try to make this story bittersweet so bear with me.  Enjoy the story!  PM me if you have any questions. 

* * * * *

Kagome coughed into the handkerchief again- a long, raspy cough, that had her throat burning and dry.  She didn’t have to guess what that coppery taste in her mouth meant.  She knew by now what it was- blood.  The coppery, rich scent seemed to mock her every day as more and more of the liquid left her lungs and throat.  She was paling from the lack of sunlight and her eyes now held a dark sunken shadow under them.  Caking on the white face powder every day to hide these signs irked her, but she had to do it.  Her parents were already sad enough at the thought of her sickness- she couldn’t burden them with seeing how it affected her physically as well. 

It had been just a month ago when the cough and cold had started and refused to go.   At first, they had thought it to be one of those bad head colds that came with the changing of the seasons.  Then, it had begun to worsen- the coughs hurt and Kagome often found herself wheezing.  She had taken to her rooms to recover and one day, a day with the cold early spring rain before the blooming of the flowers, she had woken and known something was wrong.  She had eaten breakfast, not quite able to stomach it, and then suffered from a fit of coughing.  At first, she didn’t understand what that coppery taste in her mouth was.  At least, not until she had noticed the red stain on her handkerchief.  Her hands had shaken as she looked at it and her servant Sango had turned sad brown eyes to her.  That day- the day she had coughed blood for the first time- she was shocked. 

Her family and Sango had been just as shocked as she was but no one knew what to say.  It had taken Sango and her family mere moments to figure out what was happening.  It took her longer because she refused to believe it.  That day, her mother had been notified immediately and she and the children- her siblings- had come by that evening for one last farewell.  Her father too accompanied them.  The air was stagnant in the room and the smell of the incense meant to hide her sick scent did nothing to soothe anyone’s nerves. Little Souta and Kaede had no idea why their sister was still sick and why their mother had told them this was to be the last time they would see Kagome.  Kikyo, older and now a young woman like Kagome, understood and her tears mingled with those of her parents as she wondered why her sister had been cursed to this fate. 

Consumption was an evil deadly disease.  The villagers sometimes said it was the Kami’s way of punishing the people for ravaging their homeland a mere decade ago.  Others said it was an evil disease brought to them by the foreigners that had started visiting.  Kagome didn’t care who had cursed them with it or how the disease came to Japan.  She only knew that she now had it and that she was going to die.  She had come to accept her fate a few days ago when the first spring songbirds woke her up with their singing.  She would die, she had reasoned, but before she did, she would enjoy all the simple pleasures.  She had one more Spring to see before her death and she would enjoy it. 

“Kagome-dono.”  The fusuma separating her bedroom and living quarters was pushed open gently and Sango came in, her eyes down and a tray in her hands.  The servant girl wasn’t as reserved when she was only around Kagome.  Her father must be here for a visit then.  He was the only one who had taken to visiting her lately. 

“Chichi-ue.”  She greeted noting the man walk into the room.  He was large and his posture stiff.  He had never been around his family except for mealtimes.  As a busy official in the new government, it was expected.  She knew that if he neglected his duties, her life wouldn’t be as comfortable as it was today. 

“Kagome-san.”  He voiced out, his eyes softening as they took in her form on the futon.

Higurashi-sama had tried hard to find something to help save his daughter.  He had comforted his wife and children as best he could while he searched for a way to keep his eldest child alive.  There had been no solution though and the longer he kept his daughter confined in her rooms, the longer his own family was at risk.  He loved her but he couldn’t stop the fate that was to befall her.  His Kagome musume was going to leave Tokyo.  They had a home in the country- near the mountains of Kisu close to the Nakosendo village of Tsumago.  It had belonged to his wife’s family and served as a house with farmland behind it.  During the war, her family had taken in the Ishin Shishi soldiers when the townspeople wouldn’t and thus had risen to be accepted in the post-war hierarchy.  It was no longer in use today, his wife being the last of her family and having a permanent residence in Tokyo.  They were going to send Kagome there with some servants and once she and the inhabitants died- they would burn it. 

“Your mother and I have come to a decision.”  The young woman nodded.  She had known that they were to send her away.  It was either that or have her stay here and they both knew she longed to be outside as the weather grew warmer. 

Higurashi-sama sighed and laced his fingers behind his back.  “We are sending you to Tsumago to stay in your mother’s old house.  One of our… drivers has seemed to contract the disease as well.  He and your servant Sango will go with you and stay there.”  He hesitated but knew that he should tell his daughter all of the details.  “There will be a doctor there waiting for you.  He is skilled in western medicine from Germany and he will stay with you until…until the time comes.” 

Kagome bit her tongue to stop the words that she was tempted to say.  She knew that she could accept her exile, but to subject two additional people to it as well?  The doctor and Sango were innocent, they had yet to show any signs of the disease.  She knew that her father had probably bought their service with money and the thought sickened her.  Yet, somewhere in her heart she found a sense of gratitude for their offer.  Sango would help keep her sane while she was there.  And she would assure that the doctor would not take liberties with her person.  In her situation, what her family had done for her was extraordinary.  She was not being confined and avoided like the plague.  She was going to be sent away to live the last of her days in the outdoors- the place she really wanted. 

“I understand chichi-ue.”  Her words were still soft and lyrical but there was a husky tone to them that came from the coughing. 

“I… the carriage will depart in the early morning tomorrow.  Your mother has asked for your presence at dinner.  We will-“  he cleared his throat, “we will adjust accordingly.”  His words said, Higurashi-sama turned to leave the room. 

It pained him to see his daughter this way.  He had wished to procure for her a happy marriage where she would live peacefully with her husband and give him a house and children.  He felt he had failed his eldest.  As his daughter neared twenty, he and his wife had gotten marriage proposals from more and more suitors.  At first, he had refused by saying she had yet to learn of what the role of a wife was.  Later, he had refused as he noted how many vile, lustful men came to ask for her.  If only he had said yes to that first suitor Hojo-san.  Perhaps then, his daughter wouldn’t be here.  She would have been married, maybe with child already, and safe.  She would have been able to live without the fear of death. 

“Chichi-ue.”  Kagome’s words stopped him before he could go through the fusuma.  “Tell mother to come remind us when it is time for dinner.”  Higurashi-sama nodded, stepping through the partition and walking around the kneeling Sango.  When the shoji to her rooms shut, Kagome allowed the first tears to fall. 

“Kagome-sama.”  Sango’s voice- a soft commanding one that was motherly- helped her calm.  “Do not worry, I will be there with you.”  Kagome nodded though her eyes continued to shed tears.  She knew that it would be painful to leave, she had been preparing herself for it.  She hadn’t realized just how much it would ache in her heart. 

“Why are you coming Sango?  You should stay here.”  Sango wiped a tear from Kagome’s face as she came to kneel by her lady’s bedside. 

“It is my duty to serve you Kagome-sama.”  Her eyes moved across the room to the bloodied rags that she had yet to burn today.  “And the family fears that I may have contracted it.”  Kagome’s eyes widened as she too looked at the rags.  She hadn’t realized because Sango had yet to show it, but Sango’s words rang true.  How often had Sango touched the materials she had come into contact with? Too many times for her to remember.

“Sango, I am… I am sorry.” 

“Do not be.”  The servant girl assured as she stood and took the rag that Kagome now clutched in her hands.  “I merely did my duty.  At some point, we all must perish.  I am only glad to do so knowing that I aided someone.” 

Kagome didn’t say anything as Sango busied herself with her tasks.  She didn’t know what she could say.  Her hands reached for a book kept on the floor beside her futon.  It was a journal of poetry that she often read to pass the time.  The words calmed her and soothed her while she worried about her condition.  She only hoped she was allowed to take this book with her to Tsumago.  It would be a while before Sango returned with her bath water.  Her eyes moved to the tray of food that had been left behind.  She would eat and read until Sango came to help her. 

It was an hour long wait for Sango to return.  When she did, she carried a large tub and instructed the young servant boys who had brought water to leave the buckets by the door.  Kagome saw them and took in their pitying glances gracefully.  It would seem that word had spread of her imminent departure from the household.  When they left, Sango dutifully began to pour the cold and hot water into the tub as Kagome stripped herself of her kimono.  Naked, she tested the waters of the tub. 

“This will do Sango.”  The hands holding the bucket of cold water pushed away and came to rest on a lap.  Kagome climbed into the tub- an act that was humiliating to her- and she settled herself in. 

This had become a routine for her and Sango but it was one that had her humiliated.  To strip in front of someone who was not one’s mother and be forced to bathe- it embarrassed her.  She knew that Sango tried her hardest to make the situation better but it didn’t help her much.  She was still sitting, naked in a bathtub, with Sango scrubbing her back.  A soapy cloth was given to her and she used it to wash herself.  First her arms, then her chest.  Then, her stomach and legs.  Sango dutifully looked away as she cleaned herself.  Before she rinsed, she handed her cloth to Sango to wash her back. 

The methodical and soft glide of the cloth did nothing to ease her.  She would not have minded sharing a bathhouse with the young servant woman but sitting in a tub in her bedroom and washing were things that made her feel angry and upset.  She felt as if her privacy was gone.  The hand stopped and Sango scooped some water using a tiny pot.  As the water ran down her back and into the dirty water in the tub, Kagome wondered if she would have to endure this in Tsumago. 

“Would you like me to wash your hair?”  Kagome fingered the oily strands.  It had been a while since she had done so and her hair was losing its healthy appearance. 

“Yes.”  Sango rubbed some of the soap into her hair and washed it, using the cold water from an extra bucket to wash and rinse the mass of black. 

She stepped away and Kagome stood, stepping out of the tub and waiting as Sango emptied it in the dirty pond in the back garden.  When she came back, Kagome was shivering.  It took Sango only a short while to refill the tub with extra water, Kagome helping her, and soon the young woman immersed herself in the water once again.  It was at this point that Sango moved away, retreating to the living area and closing the fusuma screen that divided the rooms.  The privacy was appreciated by Kagome. 

She soaked for a few more minutes in the tub and then stood.  Making her way to her wardrobe, she unraveled the cloth she used as a towel and dried herself.  Then, she found her under-kimono and wrappings.  Dressing herself in both of them, she fingered the rest of the kimonos and settled on a furisode- white in color with a scattering of pink blossoms embroidered onto the material.  A simple brown obi was the thing she picked next.  Satisfied, she padded her way to the fusuma with her clothes and opened the door.  It was now time for Sango to help her dress, an act that the young servant had been doing for years. 

“I do not think the mistress or Higurashi-sama will approve of this outfit.”  Sango commented deftly tucking the folds of the furisode into place and then winding around Kagome with the obi.   “Why have you chosen a furisode today?”  Kagome smiled wryly.  She had never worn this one, it had been a gift from her mother.  It was known that in the spring marriages were often made and courtships announced.  Her mother had bought her this particular kimono in hopes that her daughter would marry this year.  It felt like a shame to not wear it at least once in her mother’s presence. 

“Haha-ue bought this for the spring season.”  Kagome admired the obi and kimono in a mirror that Sango held up from her wardrobe.  “I shall braid my hair today Sango.  Do you think you can help me?  You always do a much better job at it than I do.”  The young woman indicated a spot in front of her and Kagome sat there in seiza while Sango got the comb from the wardrobe. 

The first strokes were always the harshest, finding the knots that had accumulated over the night.  “What would you like me to pack for our trip to Tsumago?”  Sango’s word choice was deliberate.  She knew that her mistress was saddened by her position and wished to help lighten her mood if possible.  This was a trip, not a final visit to her resting place. 

“My furisode and a few kimonos.  I will pick them out once you finish my hair.”  Kagome held up a hand as she ticked down the things she would need.  “We will obviously pack my combs and my mirror but- “she hesitated, “do you think I need my powder and rouge?  I doubt I will venture into town.” 

“I will pack them just in case.”  Sango assured her evenly splitting the hair into three portions that she began to comb smooth. 

“Very well.  Then, let’s see.”  Kagome put down three fingers and then a fourth.  “Books: I’m not sure which ones yet- I think my journal and the poetry book I have.  And any other novels I remember.  Then I suppose I will take a few keepsakes such as the hairpin Kikyo gave me and the rocks that Souta and Kaede give me for safekeeping.  Do you think I forgot anything Sango?”  The servant hummed as she set the comb down and began to braid the hair tightly. 

“I do not think so.”  She stated concentrating on her task.  “Shall I tie your braid with the brown ribbon?” 

“Yes- that’s what I’m forgetting.  We need to pack my ribbons too!”  Sango nodded finishing the braid and standing.  She grabbed the ribbon that Kagome wanted and tied the braid off. 

“I am finished Kagome-sama.”  The woman nodded and then stood turning to face her friend and helper.  No sad glances or somber looks were shared between the two.  Sango had schooled her face to reflect none of her emotions while Kagome’s expression was one of thought. 

“Sango- go pack your own belongings. In the meantime, I will organize my own and then we can pack my belongings as well.”  Sango nodded, offering a few words that assured Kagome she would return swiftly.  Then, all was quiet as Kagome began to gather the belongings that would stay with her during her last days. 

* * * * *

“Kagome-dono.”  A hand shook her shoulder and jolted Kagome awake.  She had not had much sleep the night before and had used the time in the carriage to sleep.  The trip from Tokyo to Tsumago had lasted five hours, four of which Kagome had slept.  She chanced a glance out the window.  They were going down a narrow lane that had much to offer in terms of scenery.  The Kisu Mountains were jutting out from the land on the right side of the path while wooded lands covered the terrain to her right. 

They were travelling in a carriage with the driver whom her father had informed her about yesterday.  Her mother insisted that they travel this way to make it easier on everyone.  Miroku was an expert driver and while he had to stop occasionally, he had managed to get them to Tsumago at a decent time.  She had instructed Sango to wake her up as they neared, wanting to see the wooded beauty her mother had described enjoying in her youth.  There was still a light frost on the ground indicating that the spring had yet to fully reach this area of Japan.  It was still just as wonderful as her mother had described though. 

“Do you know where we are Sango?”  Kagome asked looking at her friend. 

“Yes.”  Sango was from Magome- the next stop on the Nakosendo trail- and had often travelled to Tsumago as a child with her mother.  “We should be nearing the town soon.”  Kagome nodded as she turned back to watching the scenery.  The horses made a slow right turn and up ahead Kagome noticed a structure.  That must be the house. 

Her mother had informed Sango that she had written to the village.  The village women had cleaned the house and aired it, preparing it for their arrival.  She had also told them that the doctor had already come by a few days ago and was now there waiting for them.  The house was a two-story structure with beautiful engawas that Kagome could make out from this distance.  She had been told that there had been a back garden and wondered what it looked like, hoping that it hadn’t fallen into disrepair.  Both women felt the horses slowed down to a swift walk and soon the carriage stopped a few feet from the house.  They had arrived. 

The carriage door opened and Miroku showed up at the door.  Carriages were a new way of travel for Kagome and she couldn’t wait to leave.  It felt confined and the seats were uncomfortable.  When Miroku finally opened the door, he extended a hand to Kagome and helped her down first before turning his attention to Sango.  He helped her down but Kagome noticed how his touch seemed to linger and Sango didn’t comment.  If anything, the other woman seemed unsure what to make of the action.  She averted her eyes, not sure what was happening, but realizing that there was something private between the two and it would be rude of her to continue looking. 

Miroku turned to the carriage again and began to lift down the trunks nestled inside before leading the horses and carriage in the direction of what Kagome assumed were the stables.  In front of them, a figure appeared on the porch.  Dressed in gray hakama with a blue gi and white haori was the doctor.  Kagome didn’t recognize him at first because of his attire; most of the doctors nowadays had adopted western attire, especially if they had studied abroad.  The man stepped down from the porch and made his way over to the two women offering a bow when he reached them.  They bowed back, Sango lower than Kagome.

“Welcome.”  The doctor straightened and Kagome noticed that unlike the modern short haircut, the doctor had his oddly colored silver hair in a small queue that reached his shoulders.  “I am Mori Sesshomaru.”  He motioned to the house, offering Kagome his arm out of courtesy. 

“Mori-sensei.” Kagome greeted, taking his arm and letting Sango follow her into the house.  With his actions, she had quickly figured out her new position in this house: even here she was a lady of the house and was to be treated as such. She refused to sit idly and let that happen.  She was a woman, not just a lady in this house. 

There was no genkans, she noted, watching Sesshomaru take his geta off outside the door.  She and Sango followed his example before walking inside.  When she entered the house, Kagome was momentarily stunned by its simple beauty.  A large living room was the first space they encountered.  An open set of shoji led to the dining room and through another open set of doors, Kagome saw what she assumed was the kitchen.  In front of her, she saw a set of stairs that led upstairs to another set of rooms. 

“Our quarters are upstairs.”  The doctor stated making Kagome note that the wall in front of her was actually another set of doors. She and Sango never slept on the same floor and she had a feeling that it would be the same here in Tsumago.  Soft feet padded by them and opened the shoji that led to the set of rooms that were to be Sango’s. 

“Kagome-sama.”  Sango turned from the door, keeping her eyes averted to the floor.  “I shall take my eave and organize the rooms for my husband and me.”  She hesitated.  “Shall I come to help you before lunch?”  Kagome was shocked by Sango’s words but refrained from saying anything.  She knew that Sango had been courting someone and had wondered about how she was handling it considering her sudden departure to Tsumago.  She was upset at the fact that Sango would hide such an important thing from her. 

“I should be fine Sango.”  Her words were surprisingly calm.  “I assume that the bedding material will be here.  Bring them with you upstairs once you are settled.” 

“Yes Kagome-sama.”  Kagome nodded and the conversation dwindled allowing Sesshomaru to lead her up the stairs and towards their quarters. 

The upstairs housed a series of rooms that mirrored the ones downstairs.  The only difference was that the extra room that had become the kitchen was left without a secondary room above to give ventilation and prevent a fire.  She wondered which room the doctor had taken for there was no doubt that she would receive two rooms even if she didn’t need the extra space.  She was the Higurashi’s daughter after all and would be afforded the luxury. 

“The rooms to the right are yours.”  The doctor stated letting go of her arm and moving to the other set in front of them. 

“Thank you Mori-sensei.”  She watched him open his door but stopped him before he could enter.  “When do you need to check on my health?”  He was expecting her question, she realized watching him glance carefully towards her. 

“Tonight, after dinner I shall come by your rooms.  You may have another woman with you should you require it.” 

“Thank you then.”  He gave a quick, short bow and stepped into his room, leaving her alone in the hallway. 

Kagome opened her room’s shoji and stepped into the rooms that were to be hers for her final days.  It was empty save for a wardrobe in the second room that took up half the width of one wall.  A painted fusuma of plum blossoms in bloom was currently open granting her access to the second room- her bedroom.  As she padded into the second room on soft, sock-clad feet she glanced at the fusuma wall on the side.  Luckily, this one too was painted, a large Japanese maple tree in spring colors covering most of the screen and hiding the view.  It must have been freshly made by the villagers.  She could still see a shadow moving in the other room and supposed that she would have to get used to it.  She had to trust that the doctor would not violate the covering that the screen offered. 

Turning to the wardrobe- a large cherry wood piece of furniture that looked imposing- she opened it and quickly bent to access the lowest shelf.  She found a futon folded neatly and on top a western pillow.  She was grateful for that small comfort, having been used to it in Tokyo.  Taking out the futon, she spread it on the ground and arranged it to her liking.  Once satisfied, she placed her pillow at the head.  While she could have waited to roll out her bedding until after dinner, she was not sure if she would feel tired in the afternoon.  Lately, she had been taking afternoon naps to sustain her energy.  She didn’t know if she still required them in Tsumago but supposed that it might help to have her bedding ready should she feel the need to sleep. 

She heard voices outside the room and padded softly to her room door.  Opening it, she saw Mori-sensei make his way down the stairs and Sango waiting for entrance. 

“Kagome-sama,” Sango greeted her holding blankets in her hands, “I have brought the bedding material.”  Kagome allowed her entrance following Sango to the bedroom. 

“Tell me Sango,” she began as the servant began to make the futon, “why did you not tell me of your marriage?  I did not have time to give you proper congratulations or a gift.”  She sounded a little bitter and tried to school her voice to seem more accepting of the servant’s married status. 

Sango’s hands faltered but she continued her task.  “I… I am sorry.  I was unable to tell you.  It was suddenly done yesterday.”  Kagome was not privy to the entirety of the servants’ personal lives but she knew little things about them, Sango’s especially.  The two women often confided in each other and Kagome knew that the young woman would have told her or hinted at something.  Hadn’t she mentioned she was being courted?  Maybe it was him? 

“The boy who was courting you for two weeks- was it him?  Then… you knew he was sick but you allowed him to…”  Sango shuffled her feet as she fluffed the pillow, nearly done with her task. 

“Miroku-san is a good man.  When he offered, I had already known that I too might have the disease.”  She finished her task and put her hands on her lap.  Her eyes were looking at some distant memory. “I wished to be married and know what love feels like before I die.” 

Kagome clenched her kimono in her hands.  Sango had a point; what good was the refusal of a proposal given by a good man?  She remembered the expressions on the faces of her sister and parents when they had seen her at dinner yesterday.   It was obvious that the wearing of the furisode had hurt them.  Her mother had smiled and wiped her tears, telling Kagome that she was glad to have seen her in it.  Kikyo had assured her, with Souta and Kaede agreeing, that she had never looked prettier.  She wondered if they had wished last night that she too, like Sango, could have been married. 

“I am sorry for my rudeness.” Kagome stated coming to sit by her friend.  She laid a gentle hand on Sango’s shoulder.  “Tell me about him.” 

“He is kind.”  Sango started a small smile appearing on her lips.  “At first, I was not so sure of him but he… he takes good care of me.  We have only been married for a day but I feel as though I love him.”  She paused here for a moment trying to voice out her thoughts.  “Last night, I feared he would take me but instead... he held me when I grew scared and went no further.”  A blush enveloped Sango’s cheeks.   Here she was, telling her mistress things that she shouldn’t hear yet! 

“I wish to know him.”  Kagome replied, her hand leaving Sango’s shoulder to join its twin in her lap. “If he is as kind as you say, then I want to tell him that he is to be excused from his duties for a few days.  As are you.  You have just been married after all.” 

“Kagome-sama!”  Sango’s exclamation was quick and she shook her head pleading with the young woman.  “You do not need to.  There are no others here so I must help!”  Kagome shook her head, adamant on this.  She knew however that Sango could not sit idle.  Her friend had been given a day off once and Kagome had found her in the gardens raking leaves, having shooed the gardener away.  Sango was a busy woman and would always be a busy woman. 

“You can help me with the meals.”  She acceded.  “Take two days off and get to know your husband and celebrate your wedding.”  She smiled softly at Sango and stood, smoothing out her kimono.  “Now, how about we start by making lunch?  And then you can take a break and spend the afternoon with your new husband while I unpack?” 

“Of course, Kagome sama.” 

That night, Kagome woke to a loud scream.  At first, she was frightened, wondering if something had happened. And then, she flushed as she heard the words and other sounds that followed.  They were more muffled this time but she knew what they were.  As innocent as she was in some things, she knew what the sounds of lovemaking were.  She heard movement on the other side of the fusuma and moments later a candle flickered.  She noticed the shadow of the doctor move and adjust.  He stood and made his way to a corner of his room, opening a wardrobe and pulling something out.  Returning to his bed, he snuffed out his candle and presumably moved to sleep again. 

Kagome didn’t know what to make of the doctor.  He was reserved and quiet at mealtimes, only sharing in the conversation when prompted.  His manners were impeccable however and his way of speaking spoke of the fact that he was highly cultured.  To her, it seemed strange that a man with a high-class upbringing and western education had subjected himself to the task of being bought over by her father.  It made no sense for him to need the money, unless he was part of the older families which had lost most of their wealth.  But even then, the man had to be noble at the very least.  He was a professional doctor though, as she found out when he examined her after dinner.  He had told her to take her tonic thrice a day now and had instructed her to rest more often before taking his leave. 

She turned on her side in the futon, her mind shutting down the noises from downstairs and thinking about her new life in Tsumago.  True to her word, she had let Sango and Miroku take the day off.  Miroku had insisted that he work in the stables though, much like Sango was working in the kitchen.  He was a nice man, good for Sango.  He was kind and a hard worker, making conversation easily and brightening a room.  Where Sango was quiet and reserved, Miroku was respectful and joking.  His light-hearted approach to things made him approachable.  And he was so accepting for someone who was going to die soon. Compared to her, it seemed Miroku was willing to embrace life as it was and be happy, no matter the circumstances. 

A yawn escaped her as she snuggled into her bedding.  She was tired and it was time to sleep.  Unpacking had made her room seem a little more homely.  Her books laid by her bedside for her to read when she needed.  The rock collection treasured by her brother and sister were displayed to the right of the outer shoji doors that led to the house’s wrap-around balcony.  The wardrobe was full as well, her clothes and accessories neatly finding their way into their respective spaces.  She had opened the shoji a little tonight to let in some cool air but it was now cold and she wanted to close it.  Moving in her futon, she raised herself and stretched her arm to snap the doors shut.  Warmth pervaded the room and she sighed, stifling another yawn and going back to sleep.

The morning in Tsumago was bright. Kagome was used to hearing the birds begin their day with the soft chirps and tweets that woke her up but it was louder here in the country.  A slow and gentle breeze stirred the trees and their branches, lulling her into a gentle wakefulness.  Peeking an eye out at the blankets, she noted that it was not yet fully morning.  The sun had just begun to rise with the early gray light of dawn intermingling with the sun’s rays.  She shuffled out of her bed, shuddering at the blast of cold air that hit her.  The early spring air was still quite cold here and she had to get used to it.  

She smoothed out her blankets and folded the quilt she used as a cover for the night.  Then she rolled her futon as discreetly as possible and pushed it to the side on the other side of the rock collection.  Placing the pillow and extra blankets on top, she stood up.  A quick trip to her wardrobe gave her an outer haori that she quickly put on.  Not only would it protect her from the morning chill, it would also preserve her modesty in a house with a man she did not know.  She opened the door to her rooms and went downstairs to see what she could make for breakfast.  If anyone else was awake, she might even ask about the bathhouse.  A hot bath sounded wonderful at the moment. 

She found Miroku and Sango downstairs.  Miroku was in the process of starting a fire while Sango washed the rice.  They looked tired but refreshed and she blushed remembering what she had heard last night.  It seemed that neither had realized they had been overheard.  She looked discreetly at Sango.  The young woman didn’t look that much different.  She was wearing a different haori though, one that Kagome had not seen before.  Her eyes widened as she realized why the haori looked different: it was Miroku’s. 

“Good morning Kagome-sama.” It was Miroku who greeted her first, prompting Sango to turn from the rice which she was soaking now. 

“Good morning.”  She smiled at them both and then looked at the fire that Miroku had started.  “Sango, would you like some help with breakfast?”  The servant hesitated but then nodded. 

“If you can Kagome-sama, would you mind heating the dashi stock from yesterday and adding miso paste to it?  Mori-san has left to catch some fish from the nearby steam that we can grill for breakfast.”  Kagome nodded, easily sidestepping Miroku who had moved away from the now heated stove.  The dashi stock was in a large pot that Sango had let sit overnight in one of the bottom kitchen cupboards.  They had not used it all for dinner and so had saved it for breakfast.  Placing it on the stove, she waited for the stock to boil, knowing that then the soup would be warm enough to add the miso paste to it. 

“Did you sleep well last night Kagome-sama?”  Miroku asked from his position by the kitchen entrance.  He had no more urgent tasks needing to be done just yet. 

“Yes.”  Kagome watched the pot carefully as Sango came by and put the rice on the stove next to her.  “Do you know where the bathhouse is Miroku-san?  I wish to bathe after breakfast.” 

“Of course.”  Miroku coughed for a moment.  He had yet to take the tonic seeing as he had woken up not too long ago and his coughs were harsh and full of phlegm and blood.  “Shall I heat up the ofuro for you Kagome-sama?”  Kagome turned from her spot by the stove to see Sango chopping some spring onion for the miso. 

“I would like that.  Would you join me for a bath Sango?”  The other woman looked up from her task, nodding softly to show she wouldn’t mind.  The pot of soup was boiling now and Kagome added a thick spoon of miso, letting the paste melt into the broth and cooking.  The shoji to the outside engawa opened and Sesshomaru into the dining room, two fish caught in his hands.  Sango took them from him, giving the onions to Kagome, and began to prepare them.  Kagome watched her work eagerly, wanting to learn since she had never had to work in a kitchen before. 

“Kagome-sama.”  Miroku stood now and ambled out the door that Sesshomaru had just come in from.  “Kindly send Sesshomaru-sama out to get me once breakfast is ready, I shall be by the bathhouse lighting the ofuro.”  She nodded, mixing the miso soup again and adding the onions that Sango had given her.  With a cloth, she gently pulled it off the stove and placed it on a plate, letting it cool. 

The bathhouse, Kagome learned making her way to it after breakfast, was not far off from the main house.  Armed with a sack of toiletries and a yukata, she followed Sango down the porch steps and towards the building that she had had thought housed the stables.  It turned out the stables were further behind and that this was the bathhouse.  Miroku was already there, double-checking to make sure the ofuro heated the water to the perfect temperature.  She checked the water and nodded satisfied to Sango who sent her husband away to clean the breakfast dishes. 

The bathhouse was comfortable and large. There was no changing room but a bench sat by the entrance.  She and Sango placed their drying cloths and yukatas on the bench before stripping down and folding their dirty clothes into a laundry tub that the village women had provided for them.  They washed themselves with the soap- a bar of lye and shell ginger- and rinsed before climbing into the large tub for a nice soak.  The water was still hot when they got in and the two enjoyed this moment.  Compared to the last few weeks, this was a luxury.  Sango wasn’t encroaching on Kagome’s privacy and both women felt infinitely more comfortable with a few feet in between them in the tub. 

By the time they came out, dressed and ready, the midmorning sun had just started to come up.  The breeze from the morning continued to blow occasionally adding a little chill to the air.  Miroku was by the kitchen washing dishes, a task that Sango quickly took over.  Sesshomaru meanwhile was nowhere to be found.  Kagome made her way inside to her room and pulled out a kimono and obi to wear after she had dried her hair.  It took her only a few minutes to mold her hair into a loose bun and once she did so, she donned her clothes and stepped to the balcony doors after taking the medical tonic Sesshomaru and her Tokyo doctor had prescribed to her.  Opening it, she walked outside eager to see what her room’s view was. 

A towering set of majestic pines loomed in the near distance with the Kiso Mountains behind them.  Below her was the back garden that she had not yet seen.  A small pond was in the upper left corner with a Japanese maple gently falling over its right bank.  A small pathway of red clay stone tiles lead to it and meandered in an arc to the other side of the garden.   There were three stones in each row, giving two people room to walk side by side without interference.  A set of plum and cherry blossom trees interspersed themselves in a row leading from the pond and down the length of the walkway.  In between them she saw branches of black pine. 

On the other side of the walkway were a series of bushes flanked by two large lilac trees.  She recognized the leaves of an azalea and peony bush, saw a glimpse of a holly bush, and found a group of camellia and gardenia bushes overgrowing their confines.  At the middle of it all, she recognized a figure: the doctor.  He had gardening shears in his hands and a growing pile of leaves and twigs next to him. She watched, a little surprised, at the man pruning the bushes.  He was careful, digging carefully through the foliage until he found the branch he needed to prune.  Feeling guilty, she stepped away from the balcony and walked to her wardrobe changing into an older kimono that was brown and slightly tattered. 

It wasn’t a long walk to the garden and when she made her way there, Sesshomaru was still in the same position.  With slow measured steps, she made her way over to him.  He straightened as he heard the clack of her geta on the stone walkway and stood up to bow to her.  She bowed back her hands folded softly in her kimono and approached him.  He had finished pruning the gardenia and was now working on the camellia bushes.  From here, she noticed that the gardenia was the center of a ring made of four camellia bushes.  It was a beautiful design. 

“May I help?”  She asked pointing to the bushes.  He hesitated but moved to the side allowing her access to the bushes. 

“I cannot reach the lower branches of the bushes.” He explained giving her room to access them.  “Can you cut them?”  She nodded, taking the shears and pruning where he told her to.  Kagome wasn’t a gardener but she knew enough to know bushes needed pruning.  At home in Tokyo, she sometimes helped the gardener prune the rosebushes.  This was a new task that she was learning. 

“Do you like to work in the garden?”  She asked as they worked.  Her kimono sleeves were getting in the way and she debated flirting with decorum and pushing them up.

“Yes.”  His hands- which had been holding the upper branches so she could reach the lower ones pulled away.  “We are done with this bush.”  She pulled away and stared at what they had done.  Where before there had been a large mass of twigs and branches that obscured the view of the roots; there was now an area large enough for birds to rest in shade. 

“You are quite skilled at this.”  She replied as he instructed her on the next bush.  The sleeves were annoying and without a thought, she pushed them up over her arms.  The doctor clicked his tongue in reprimand but refrained from speaking about her actions.  Instead, he continued to utilize her help in pruning the bush busying them both for a while longer. 

“Thank you for your assistance.”  The second bush now done, he took the shears from her hands and gathered the twigs and branches.  He would do the other bushes himself since they required someone without delicate sensibilities to care for them. 

“It was my pleasure.”  Kagome looked around the rest of the garden noting that from upstairs she had not understood the disrepair that the garden was in.  “Would you require my help with the other plants and trees?”  The doctor shook his head. 

“I do not believe so.  You must go inside now.  The tonic’s effects will soon subside and your cough will return.”  She wanted to argue with him but knew what he said was true.  She was expecting for her body to be weaker than it was due to her prolonged confinement.  Instead, she was just a little tired.  She should be grateful for what strength she had. 

“I will go then.  Please do not hesitate to ask for my assistance again should you require it Mori-sensei.”  He nodded, his eyes fixed on her form, the perfect picture of high-class manners.  Bowing quickly, she turned and walked away, her geta clacking against the stone walkway on her way inside. 

* * * * *

It was nearing two weeks since Kagome had first come to Tsumago.  Her health was much the same as it was in Tokyo, though, it was obvious Miroku’s was deteriorating.  Sango had resumed her duties and Kagome, out of boredom, had taken to accompanying her friend when allowed.  When she wasn’t, she often found herself in the garden watching Sesshomaru work, sometimes helping him but mostly sitting by herself on a lone bench that he and Miroku had crafted from spare wood and carpentry equipment that Miroku had found in the stable. 

Today marked the first day the weather was warm enough for Kagome to wear a simpler kimono in the sunshine.  Her regular winter kimono were made of a thicker material that helped protect her from the elements.  This one was made from cotton and was warm enough to shield her body while still keeping her cool.  The doctor had shed his haori and was hanging it from a nearby branch of a cherry blossom tree as he worked on pruning it.  There were buds and she winced every time he cut a branch.  All those new flowers were dying. 

“Why do you do that?”  She finally asked as he snapped yet another branch of buds.  “You kill them.”  He stopped in his task and turned to look towards her.  It was the first time she had spoken to him since she had begun to spend her time in the garden. 

“If I do not cut the branches their growth will hinder that of the evergreens.”   He looked at the buds in his hands and then at a few flowers which had started to bloom early.  In swift strides, he crossed the walkway and came to kneel by her. 

“Do you know what the spring is known for beyond the awakening of the trees and flowers?”  Plucking off a flower he pointed.  “The trees and plants give seeds in spring.  In Europe, some people tend to stay inside during this season.  Their lungs and body cannot bear the seeds.  The seeds form a yellow dust that gets into your eyes and nose.”  He gave her the flower and then crossed back to resume his original task.  “These would harm you and Miroku and make your condition worsen.” 

She didn’t know if what he was saying was true but understood what he meant.  There were days in the spring when her mother forbade Kaede and Souta in the gardens.  Poor Kaede had never been there for a hanami under the cherry blossoms for her eyes always itched when around the blooms.  Souta suffered most when there was a breeze in the air and the garden was in its full spring bloom.  Looking at the flower, she wondered if this yellow seed dust was what was affecting them.  It seemed that the Europeans knew more than they did about this. 

“How does one know they are affected?”  She asked taking the flower and twirling it in her hands.  She stood up and made her way over to him so that she would not have to yell at him. 

“It depends on the person.”  The doctor looked at her.  “Why do you ask?” 

“My youngest sister and brother have trouble in the garden on warm spring days, especially in the presence of a breeze.  Souta-kun sneezes and suffers from cold-like symptoms while Kaede-chan’s eyes water.  If that is the case, I would like to write about this in my next letter to them.” 

“Telling them would be no help if there is no cure.”  He pointed out.  Kagome shook her head, a smile on her face. 

“No, but it would give them some knowledge and allow them to hide in the house on certain days.”  She regarded him closely.  “Do you have any siblings Mori-sensei?”  He put the garden shears down, his task done for now and set about gathering the twigs and leaves that had fallen during his task. 

“One- a younger sister.  She is a little younger than you are currently and is…”  He wasn’t sure what his sister was.  She and Hara-san were acquaintances who were slowly bridging a friendly gap with more than just friendly familiarity.  He longed for Rin to remove herself from that position but the man she was in love with was from a samurai clan and had honor.  He would never disgrace her even if he never married her.  Still, the stigma of being a live-in lover was not something he wanted for her. 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”  He let out a sigh relieved from the task.  In this house, reputation and manners were not a complete necessity for all of the inhabitants were to die someday.  Still, a sense of his own family honor and the need to protect Rin, even if from the views of people she didn’t know, kept him from saying anything further. 

“I apologize. She is important to me.”  Kagome smiled softly.  Kikyo was important to her, she could understand how the doctor would also care for his sister as much as she did hers.  She wanted to talk some more and continue the conversation but the unmistakable sound of geta slapping harshly against the stone tiles of the garden path distracted her attention. 

Sango approached them, her face one of distress and her breath coming out harshly.  “Mori-sensei… Miroku-san, he just collapsed.  I don’t know what to do!”  He dropped the shears and made his way to the edge of the garden with Sango.  Hesitating for only a few moments he turned to look back at Kagome who was standing back and giving them some privacy. 

“Higurashi-sama, my medical bag is upstairs in my room.  Would you bring it with you?”  She nodded watching them walk inside the house and following them softly.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

Sesshomaru made quick work of looking at Miroku, asking Sango to bring him a basin of water so that he could wash his hands before he began.  She returned quickly and he washed them assessing the condition of the man with just his eyes.  Miroku was pale, his breathing labored.  It seemed that the man was suffering from fatigue.  He heard the sound of someone arriving and saw Kagome walk into the room.  She passed him the bag and he opened it, pulling out the stethoscope and asking Sango’s assistance in holding him up. 

Miroku had liquid in his lungs- normal for a man in his condition- but still a little too high for the moment.  Letting the man lie back down on the futon, he addressed Sango. 

“He is fine, just fatigued.”  Packing his materials away, he spoke again.  “What are his regular duties?” 

“He cleans the stables, manages the fires in the ofuro and the kitchen, and helps with the housework.”  Sango had her hands clenched in her lap and Kagome moved to offer her friend some silent support by taking a seat behind her. 

“From now on, I shall take care of the fires.”  Sesshomaru explained letting his gaze linger on the woman he had spoken to in the garden.  “For now, keep him inside or force him to dress warmer in the morning and evening chill.”  He hesitated but then continued. 

“Did the vegetables arrive today?”  Sango nodded.  Every three days, the village woman would send their teenage sons with baskets of fruit, vegetables, and other necessary commodities and food stuffs.  Sango did not need to pay them for the money they received came directly from Tokyo’s Higurashi estate. 

“From tomorrow, ask for more leafy vegetables, lotus roots and stems, and more red meat.”  Standing, he took his leave and Kagome sat there with her friend, offering silent comfort and assuring her that things weren’t too bad just yet. 

When Kagome left Sango and Miroku’s quarters a while later, she made her way to the kitchen where she heard someone doing something.  It was Sesshomaru, standing at the stove and making tea.  He turned when he saw her and indicated the tea he was making. 

“Would you like some Higurashi-sama?” 

“Yes please.”  She took a seat at the dining room table, in full view of the kitchen.  “Call me Kagome-sama.  My father is Higurashi-sama, my mother is Higurashi-dono.  I am Kagome-sama.” 

“Of course.”  He picked up the now steaming teapot and set it down on the dining table with a coaster plate underneath.  Following that, he took down the cups from the cupboards.  It was Kagome who poured the tea however.

“What is really wrong with Miroku-san?”  She asked in a low voice as she handed him his cup. 

Mori-sensei took the cup with a raised eyebrow.  “He has a month or less.”  Sesshomaru stated, his voice low.  As a doctor, he didn’t like giving news such as this, but it was what it was.  Miroku had been sick for just a little longer than Kagome but unlike her had not had time to rest. 

Neither said anything as they drank the tea and thought about what he had just said.  Kagome- who had known about what was happening- was lost in the fact that in a few months, it would be her that was dying and it would be Sango who was going to have this conversation with Sesshomaru.  She looked closely at the doctor.  For someone who had just told her his patient was going to die, he was calm.  She wondered why it was- was he used to giving such fatal news? 

“What made you decide to come here?”  She asked suddenly, needing to know.  A man like him- someone who had been given a high-class upbringing, but was willing to throw his life away to be her doctor- was considered a fool. 

He took one last sip of his tea before setting it down on the table.  “I used to be a military doctor.  My sister is currently in need of a dowry.”  Rin didn’t need a dowry, in the strictest sense, but the amount of money that the Higurashi family offered to provide for her would take her of her needs and provide a good enough incentive for her lover should he require it to ensure her a future. 

“There are much nobler ways to provide for one you care for.” 

Sesshomaru shrugged.  Perhaps there were.  As a man in the military he had come to understand that not everything was simple.  He hadn’t had to do much after he joined the military- merely patch up new recruits who tended to get hurt or help treat any that came with illnesses.  When the offer had come to go to Germany, he had seized it.  The price for that was to be away from his mother as she lay on her deathbed.  Maybe this was his way of paying penance for ignoring her when she needed him most.  

“My dowry is what pays for you.”  He looked at her with shocked eyes and she smiled sadly.  Her mother had taught her everything she would know to be a proper lady, including managing household finances.  She had learned the lesson early on that should one of their children die, the child’s dowry or inheritance was to be used to offset the funeral costs.  It was family money but it made better financial sense to use that since there was no one who would receive it. 

“I suppose it is fitting that I use it for my own sister’s dowry then.”  He murmured fingering the empty tea cup.  It felt wrong to take the money that she had set aside for her marriage as payment.  But, it made sense.  And it was her family matters, so he wouldn’t say anything about it.  To do so, would be rude. 

“My sister wrote to me.”  Kagome began again, her eyes a little melancholy.  She didn’t know why she was talking with him.  Perhaps it was her way of calming herself after the morbid news he had given her.  “She is currently being courted by a young man from a samurai family.  His uncle is General Yamagata Aritomo.”  

Sesshomaru didn’t know what to say.  Finally, he settled on simple words.  “I congratulate your sister on her match.”

Kagome nodded, her eyes glossy and her expression one of sadness.  Perhaps this hadn’t been the best topic for her to approach.  The words managed to remind her that she would never have what Kikyo did.  While her sister wrote to make Kagome happy, her news was bittersweet.  Kikyo had a life ahead of her- a suitor to fall in love with, a family that she could take care of.  Kagome though, was left with a military doctor using her dowry for his sister’s marriage and a servant couple that were to die within months of each other, only shortly after their marriage.  She took a deep breath to quell her tears and stood up, taking her cup with her. 

“Excuse me, Mori-sensei.  I need to take my leave.” 

* * * * *

The days passed quickly- one after the other.  The warmth of spring had finally set in and Kagome often found herself in the gardens on afternoon strolls with Mori-sensei for company.  They talked about all sorts of things- his work in the military, her love of poetry, and his sister.  Miroku had grown weaker, as Sesshomaru had told her.  The man smiled and talked jovially, but he was often resting in bed more than he was out and about.  She watched Sango hide her sadness by working hard and wondered when her friend would approach her to be comforted.  As she explained this to Sesshomaru one day, he turned to her and said something that startled her. 

“She is but a servant- a commoner.  For her to come to you for support before her husband’s passing would be seen as a violation of the social principles she was raised to follow.”  Kagome had stopped in her walk and turned to him then. 

“Why then do you join me in walking?  Surely it is not because you are my doctor and need to care for me?”  His eyes had softened and he led her to the bench where they sat side by side.  The first of the camellia buds had just started to bloom and filled the air with the fragrance. 

“I find your companionship soothing.”  He began fingering a branch of the bush that was lush with the fragrant flowers.  “But my station also permits it.  My family was once noble- my father the cousin of Choshu’s daimyo.  While I no longer hold that position and have renounced my family name… I am, in society’s standards, equal to you.”  The doctor had turned to look at her then and his hands gently pressed a camellia flower in her hair. 

“Wait for her.  She shall come seek you when she is ready.”  She hadn’t said anything after that and the two of them had sat there in silence until Sango called them in for some afternoon tea. 

Today, however, was different.  Kagome was quiet as they took their walk; she hadn’t said much after issuing her regular greetings.  That morning she had received another letter from home- another one from Kikyo.  While she and her sister had talked and shared that connection- her sister being the messenger by which her family spoke to her- Kagome felt left out at times.  A week ago, Souta had received his first shinai, an accomplishment that he had boasted about for weeks and Kaede had lost her first tooth.  Kagome wanted to be there in person to share and celebrate in these special moments.  Most of all though, she wanted to be with Kikyo as the younger sister went through her wedding arrangements. 

The man Kikyo had been courting- Onigumo- had approached their father who had consented to the alliance.  Kikyo was thrilled for she felt she really did care for this man.  At the same time however, she had written in the letter that she wished for her sister to be by her side.  As a slow breeze drifted by and the cloudy sky relented to let out a hint of sunshine, Kagome stopped.  She had received the letter only a short while ago and had yet to come to terms with her feelings on the matter.  She was truly happy for her sister but bitter as well.  It was this bitterness that she was ashamed of and wished to let go.  It was hard to do that when she had company. 

“Kagome-sama?”    The woman stopped her musings and looked at the face of the man next to her.  He was looking thoughtfully at her, trying to understand what it was that had her quiet.  She was normally quite talkative on their walks and he found the lack of her chatter slightly upsetting. 

“Yes, Sesshomaru-san?” Over the month that she had spent in Tsumago, she had come to realize that she enjoyed these walks with him.  Seeing Miroku-san in the morning reminded her of how fleeting her life was, helping Sango with the chores made her feel tired since only some work was enough to make her muscles and body protest.  It was this short time with Sesshomaru-san, as she now referred to him, that she felt at peace.  She wasn’t the sick person around him but just Kagome-sama. 

“Is something troubling you?  You seem…subdued today.”  Kagome averted her eyes to the ground.  Sesshomaru-san had done a lot to the garden since they had arrived.  Two weeks ago, he had finally finished pruning the trees and bushes and a few days after that had gotten rid of any weeds.  It was nice to see clear stone walkways and hear the birds sing as they raced around the garden. 

“My sister… I received a letter from her this morning.”  She looked up at him again this time with a fake grin.  He noticed it immediately and frowned.  Over the past month, he had seen her in a variety of moods- anger, sadness, happiness, and melancholy.  He had never seen this emotion though- bitterness.  Needing to distract her, he inclined his head and began to walk towards the cherry blossoms.  The blooms had yet to cease though they would in a week or two. 

“My sister will be married at the coming of the summer.”  Kagome announced suddenly as another breeze came through.  The April rains had not yet arrived but it seemed they were on their way if the weather was an indication.  “I am happy for her.”  She continued as a blossom fell to the ground.  “But I… I am also envious.  While I accept the idea that I will die, I sometimes wish I had the chance to experience love or marriage.  It’s a silly notion but I would have liked to know what it feels like to hold a child or share an embrace with someone special.” 

Her cheeks darkened with color as she realized just who it was she was speaking to.  While Sesshomaru-san was a doctor and someone she could now feel comfortable calling a friend, she was not quite sure he appreciated hearing such romantic thoughts.  He was a man and she was a woman and for now it would be best to maintain distance if at all possible.  For while he had been courteous for the time being, her last few statements could be interpreted in a myriad of ways. 

“Are you really so in need of such affection?”  He asked at last. 

Her words had managed to startle him.  For so long, he had seen her as another patient, yet somehow she slowly started to become more than that.  With her words today, he had seen her in a new light.  Higurashi-san, if not for her disease, would be a beautiful young woman with many suitors vying for her.  With the dowry and fortune attached to her name, she would be even more valuable.  It would only make sense that she always thought of her life as one in which she married a suitable husband and raised a family.  He could see her in that role and felt saddened that the choice had to be taken away from her. 

“You do not need to mock my words.”  Kagome stated, her earlier embarrassment giving way to some anger.  His words- said in that gentle tone- still managed to sound condescending and she hated him for it. 

“I do not mock you, Kagome-sama.”  Sesshomaru watched her again, the way her cheeks darkened and her eyes lighted.  His eyes grew wide in realization and before he could think, he spoke again.  “I merely wish to tell you to hope and look again.” 

They stood there in silence for a while, underneath the shadow of the blossoms and the trees.  His words could not be taken back for they were bold and she merely looked at him in silence, trying to understand what he wanted from her.  Kagome remembered the camellia flower that he had placed in her hair and the words her sister used to describe the man she was courting.  He made her feel safe and happy, she felt like she could talk for hours with him, she needed to see him just so she could.  Did that not describe how she felt with the doctor?  Her heart thudded in her chest and she felt woozy. 

It couldn’t be that she was falling for the doctor, she reasoned.  She just happened to feel that way due to her close proximity with the man.  The only other male was married already to someone she considered a friend and there were no others in her immediate vicinity.  She cast a quick glance at his profile, noting that he was glancing away, at the slowly darkening sky.  He must have said the things he did to reassure me, she mused.  I am his patient and nothing more.  A drop of rain fell to the ground, staining the walkway and a few more followed. 

“Perhaps we should head back Sesshomaru-san.”  She called out, ignoring the need to address the conversation.  He seemed inclined to agree for with a nod, he held out his arm for her and the two made their way back inside as the first rainstorm of spring arrived.

That day and the few that followed were dark, leaving her little time to think on the time in the garden. Miroku-san had caught a fever that was steadily increasing and worsening.  He could not stomach the soup Sango attempted to feed him as nourishment.  The day before, as she sat him up, he had vomited blood.  It had made Kagome shudder and she fled the room, unable to bear the need to vomit herself.  The paleness of his skin and the redness of the blood looked frightening and eerie.  The rainstorm had yet to cease either, leaving the house shrouded in darkness, inside and out.  When she had come to herself again a little later, Sango was crying in the room and Sesshomaru was leaving with a defeated expression on his face. 

“She will need you soon.”  He murmured his eyes sunken and hollow. 

Miroku-san passed away that night.  The sky had let up for a few moments, letting the moon show its light for a while.  It was cold- the rain from the days before mixing with the wind that had come afterwards.  Sango was moving to wet the cloth she was using to cool his head when she sensed something was wrong.  His eyes were open, feverish and yellow in the light.  Sitting with Sango she had seen it: the way his body shuddered violently and a violent cough had left him.  And then blood and Sango’s wails and the doctor. 

When she came to the next morning, Sesshomaru-san was at her bedside.  He looked tired, sad, and without thinking, her hand reached out to grasp his.  She had not known what happened after he had come into the room but she knew what had happened before.  She wondered where Sango was and how she was faring.  She wondered how they would bury Miroku.  She cried for the man she had come to know as a good friend and for the friend she knew who had lost a husband.  She cried for the doctor who had lost his patient and she cried for herself, knowing that she would be in a position similar to his soon. 

“How is Sango-san?”  Her words came out gravelly due to emotion but he understood them.  The hand she was holding tightened as she sat up. 

“She is sleeping.  After….”  The doctor cleared his throat.  “After his death, you helped me calm her down as I checked his body.”  Miroku wasn’t the first patient he had lost but it was always the same feeling when he did.  One of hopelessness and anger.  Anger for not being able to cure the patient and hopelessness for the many more that would succumb to the same fate. 

“I fainted then, didn’t I?”  She recalled the moments clearly.  Sango, hysterical and screaming, pushing and shoving at her to try to get to Miroku, and Kagome bearing it all, as she held back her friend. 

“Yes. Sango had calmed down some by then and I brought you here before I stayed the night with her.”  Kagome cried, her inadequacy taking root and making her feel like a terrible person.  She was Sango’s friend- the only female confidant the woman had and instead of being by her side when she had lost her husband, she lay in bed after having fainted.  A new respect came over her for the doctor. 

“Thank you.  You did not have to stay with her.” 

“I did.  It is my duty as a doctor.”  She didn’t say anything more as she thought about the events that had just transpired. 

Sango had told her upon first coming to Tsumago that she had married Miroku because it was better to have felt some love than none at all.  Looking at Sesshomaru and remembering the feelings of the other day, she realized that she had an opportunity in front of her.  It was true that Sango was grieving but beyond that grief her friend had the memories of good times she spent with her husband.  She wanted that- to make memories and to know what love and embraces were.  She wanted to feel and die knowing how it felt to be in a man’s arms, to have his comfort and protection by her.  And in this moment, she needed it more than anything. 

“Did you mean what you said the other day in the garden?”  She asked, her courage taking over but not to an extent she was going to throw herself at him.  She needed assurance. 

His throat tightened.  “If I do?”  He asked softly, not understanding what she meant but knowing that whatever it was, it was important.  She took a deep breath and clutched the bedding tightly. 

“If you do…”  Kagome started, her face rouging and her eyes bright.  “If you do, then, give me hope.  Let me see what I could not see the first time.” 

Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes, his expression one of disbelief.  He wasn’t sure he had heard correctly.  Looking at her from his position at the side of the futon, he moved back putting some distance between them.  He wanted to know that she was sure in what she was asking.  She was an innocent lady; a young woman who had managed to find herself in a dire situation.  It would be easy to give in to her- no, their – desires, but he wanted her to be there physically, emotionally, and mentally.  He refused to be seen as her only option.  No, he wanted to be the only option she wanted out of many, as selfish as it sounded. 

“I apologize.”  She looked away from him, her hand coming up to hide the sadness on her face.  “I understand if your words were only those of comfort.”  The hand he was holding wanted to let go, but he tightened his hold on it and used his other to turn her face, causing her to drop her hand.  He wanted to look at her, to see in her eyes if her eyes held the truth of her words. 

He hadn’t clearly seen her face earlier when she had asked her question, but now, he could see the expression on her face.  Her eyes were bright, full of longing and hope, and a sadness that he realized came from his silence.  She had been truthful when she asked him to help her see.  The hand on her face caressed it, relishing in the smoothness of the skin. 

“I can give you hope.”  He stated, his voice thick with emotion.  “I can give it to you if you will let me and let me only show it to you.  I am a selfish man Kagome-sama.” 

“Only you, Sesshomaru-san.”  Her words were whispered but they were an invitation and one that he took. 

Slowly he leaned over and kissed her lips in a soft touch.  They tasted of copper and medicine and camellia.  Her eyes fluttered shut and his did as well.  He coached her, encouraging her to follow his movements, his actions.  A hand slipped down to her neck, angling her head to better taste her and feel her and she moved with him, threading her own into his hair as though wishing to anchor him in place.  He cared not for the consequences of his actions, knowing that this would only speed up the onset of the disease.  The hand he was holding slipped away from him and he used that opportunity to reach behind to her obi.  He was not going to let her go now, not until she refused his advances. 

A gasp left her as she realized his intent.  His fingers stilled, his breath harsh against her lips and he pulled away from her face, his hands lingering where they were.  Her lips were parted as she sought to regain control of her breathing and her eyes were bright and dark with desire.  But she wasn’t telling him to stop and was instead hesitant.  He waited patiently, attempting to see what she wanted.  The hand in his hair tightened- not enough to hurt- but enough for him to know that she was there. 

“Be gentle.”  She whispered as her eyes found his.  Licking her lips nervously, she steeled her courage and closed the gap between their lips again. 

A few tugs at her obi had it loosening enough for him to slip it to the ground.  Following it, he parted the folds of her kimono and moved his lips to her throat while both of his hands worked on lowering the kimono.  As more and more of her flesh was exposed, his lips moved to follow the path.  When he had eased the folds enough to view her sarashi and her legs, he stopped.  She had agreed with him but he needed another reassurance that he was doing what she wanted.  Only one layer separated him from seeing her full body bared to him.  He couldn’t go on until she told him, showed him, she was ready. 

As she laid there, Kagome felt more exposed than she had ever before.  Her mother had never told her what was to be expected in a marriage bed.  She had mentioned that it involved a lack of clothes and an eel and a cave.  She didn’t understand much of what it meant though.  Her eyes found the doctor’s and she shivered a little at the want she saw in them.  She was an innocent but she knew, had been trained by her mother to see, and be careful of that look.  But she didn’t have to be careful today.  She wanted him to want her.  The hand by her, the one he had let go slowly raised in invitation, going to the sarashi and stopping there.  Letting his hair go, she fumbled but slowly began to unwind the cloth. 

Sesshomaru’s hand fell on top of hers.  “Let me.”  His voice, husky and strong, lulled her into letting him do what he wanted.  Slowly, and with careful precision, he unfurled the last barrier to her modesty and let it fall to join the obi on the floor. 

“I knew you were beautiful.”  He whispered, eyes drinking in the flesh presented before him.  With slow deliberateness, he moved his gaze to her face.  Satisfied with what he saw, he moved and shed his own clothes, leaving his fundoshi and joining her again.  His underwear did not hide much, but for now, he would let her see only this.  Only when they were both ready would he go further. 

“Be gentle.”  Her plea was soft but he heard it.  A careful hand cupped her breast and kissed it, doing the same to its twin.  It surprised her to see him do so.  Those same lips which had been on hers were now on her breasts.  He pressed feather light touches to them that made her ache and want more.  Strong fingers glided down her sides to rest at her hips his lips following a trail to her navel and stopping. 

Sesshomaru’s eyes had been on hers the entire time and the comfort she received from that gaze had her feel more at ease.  It also scared her; it scared her to see how much power she could hold over him and he held over her with his touches.  Why had she never been told about this? 

“May I continue?”  His words resounded in the room, powerful and strong.  Knowing it was what she wanted, she gave a small nod. 

Sango woke to the sound of a scream.  Eyes alert, she moved to the side of her futon and was intent on getting out when she stopped.  This was not her bedroom.  A painted fusuma screen divided the large space she had come to know as her shared quarters with her husband. Except, he was gone- laid underneath a stark white sheet.  She cried; wailing, sobbing, and mourning for the loss.  Her sobs were loud and it was a good thing for she couldn’t have borne to hear the sounds upstairs that had woken her.  The tears poured down and her sobs began to quiet as she let them fall into a dull ache. With shaky feet, she stood and made her way to the fusuma. 

Opening it, she shuddered at the eerie sight of Miroku’s body- still under the sheet that covered him from view.  She had not cleaned his body and she knew Kagome-san hadn’t either.  Mori-san must have prepared it and cleaned it.  She wanted to move and look at it, but stopped and instead backed away.  There was nothing left for her in this room- nothing but death.  With shaky fingers, she closed the fusuma and slipped back into the futon she had vacated. 

A light outside the shoji caught her attention and she stared at it for a moment before a few other came to join it.  She blinked her eyes and the sights disappeared.  She smiled though.  Her mother had once told her that departed souls sometimes appeared as fireflies to watch over loved ones.  If Miroku was one of the ones who was outside watching her, she hoped he got this last message. 

“I love you.  Wait for me.” 

* * * * *

It was hot- hot enough that Kagome had shed most of her kimono layers to rest in her yukata.  Beside her, Sesshomaru sat, his arm a solid weight against her back.  In the two months since they had made love for the first time, a lot had changed.  She had become a woman, albeit one who would never experience certain joys such as a family and marriage.  Still, some things were enough. 

They had buried Miroku in the local graveyard, having a special service conducted by a priest in Tsumago.  He was a kindly old man and Kagome had spoken with him after the service, asking him to please be the one to conduct her own funeral.  It had shocked the man but he had agreed.  It had taken Sango a while to cope with the loss, but she had.  Two days after his death, she had approached Kagome asking for some time and conversation.  She stayed for more than just conversation and left feeling less burdened by her grief. 

Things too had changed between her and Sesshomaru.  The first morning after they had made love, she was surprised to see him still sleeping next to her on the futon, having thought he would go to his own room afterwards.  He had been awake before her and as a morning greeting, kissed her and made love to her again- this time less out of want but out of desperation, of needing to know she was here.  They had not told Sango of this new relationship until after the funeral.  He slept in her room now, holding her as she coughed through the night, kissing her after she took her medicine.  Every night, he made love to her and claimed her – body and soul.  When she had asked him why, his answer had brought her to tears. 

“This may be the last time I can show you how much I love you.” 

That night, she had cried and they had not slept until dawn.  She spent most of the next day in bed- fatigued and sore from the night before.  He stayed by her- reading poems with her, watching her sleep, and having nonsense conversations.  She had known she loved him then. 

A yawn escaped her mouth as she stared out at the slowly darkening garden.  Summer had finally arrived and with it came fireflies and Kikyo’s marriage.  Her sister had sent her a photograph so that she could see what she had never thought she would.  Her entire family- and the grooms- had sat for hours in front of a photographer, wanting to remind her they always did care for her, even if she wasn’t there.  She had cried so much that day and Sesshomaru had asked her if she wanted to be married. 

“It’s too late for that Sesshomaru-san.”  She had replied. 

A gentle squeeze to her side brought her attention back to the present.  She watched as first one, then two, then many fireflies came out of hiding and decorated the garden in a multitude of lights.  She had heard of something called electricity and how it looked like this. She didn’t think it could come close though. 

“I always love the summer and seeing the fireflies.  I never thought that I would be able to see this.”  She coughed into a handkerchief and leaned against Sesshomaru as she watched the sight in front of her. 

“I am happy to have you here.  Are you fine?”  He pulled her closer and then sighed, following his eyes to Sango who was sitting on the bench and enjoying some of the fireflies from her position by the bushes. 

“Oh relax, I’m fine.  I’m just a little tired.” 

“Hmm… should we do it tonight?  Or do you require a rest?”  She curled her right hand into his right and squeezed it. 

“No.  I don’t want you to ever stop until you have to.”  He didn’t say a word his thoughts stuck on the fact that she was growing weaker by the day.  Unlike Miroku who had a fever, Kagome was growing weaker and weaker.  Her body required her to rest for longer periods of time and she often relied on him to move.  Today, he had carried her to the garden and a deep sense of foreboding was taking over him. 

For some reason, he thought Kagome was going to die today. 

Kagome coughed once again and this time, her coughs lasted a full minute.  With gentle slowness, he kneeled and picked her up as she rested against him, too tired to argue.  Sango stood as well and he hesitated in asking her to follow him.  He wanted the last few moments he had with Kagome to be private.  But she was as much a friend as he was.  With a small nod, he walked into the house and up the stairs towards their quarters knowing that Sango would follow them shortly after with tea. 

“I love you.”  Kagome whispered against him, her eyes misting over as she struggled to breathe. 

“Shh, rest now.  No more talking.”  The tears came from both their eyes now.  He had no idea if he had enough time to wait for Sango to come with tea.  The shoji to their room was open and he walked in, grateful that he hadn’t packed up the bedding from the nap she had taken earlier.  Placing her on it, he sat down next to her, his right hand curling around one of hers. 

“Sango…”  The servant woman walked into the room.  She did not have tea with her and upon seeing her friend was glad that she hadn’t made the deviation.  Eyes tearing, she made her way over to the bedside.  Kagome coughed again, more violently than she had and a slew of blood left her mouth as her body repelled it. 

“Kagome!”  She and Sesshomaru yelled at the same time, trying to clean her while checking. 

“Let me sleep.”  She begged, dragging Sesshomaru to sleep with her.  He relented and laid down next to her, bringing her closer while Sango moved away and looked away wanting to offer them privacy. She made her way out of the room and sat outside the door.  She would sit and sleep there and she would be there for when Kagome needed her. 

Except Kagome would never need her again.  Lulled by a sense of security, she and Sesshomaru had fallen asleep with Kagome.  When they woke the next morning, Kagome lay still, having passed on peacefully in her sleep.  She had cried, stuck in the knowledge that she had been left behind by a loved one again.  It was Sesshomaru who fared worse though. 

He had cried and held her cold body.  Lost in grief, he had only moved away when she had convinced him to.  He had to write a letter- for she couldn’t write- to her family.  And then the funeral.  She remembered how he had been there for her when she needed him and vowed to do the same for him.  So she helped him that day and the next few that followed.  She helped him write the letter and arrange the funeral.  She helped him tell her family when they showed up for the funeral what had happened. She was there for him when he finally let her go and watched her buried in the cemetery. 

And she was there when he woke up one fall morning and the cold he had been fighting became something more as she battled her own disease. 

“I’m coming Kagome-sama.  Wait for me.”