It was cold out, light flakes of snow falling lazily from dark grey clouds as the tall taiyoukai walked down the sidewalk. He had messed up. He had everything he wanted, everything he had never dreamed he wanted, but everything he did. He had folded his cards, giving up instead of talking to her. She, a saint made of gold, had slipped through his fingers. The dreams he had created with her failed, because he had run. Scared. Something he had never done before. Yet those wide blue eyes, filled with shock, scared him more than anything in the world ever had. He had run, scared of her, before she could even speak.
And that’s where he found himself now, walking down the streets of Tokyo, cold and freckled with snow, as he continued to run from her.
He was trying to hide the truth, he wanted to shelter her, but with his beast fighting to mate her, there was nowhere for him to hide. They had been bickering all day, both too stubborn to apologize to the other. She had said something about his lowly half breed brother that had hit a nerve; he snapped at her, his usually dull hazel eyes bleeding red and his blunt human nails growing to a taper. He had broken the strong spell his bracelet protected him with, allowing his youkai side appear and show her the glaring truth.
In the six months that they had been dating, he had never told her that he was a taiyoukai. He had hid it from her, claiming that the sterling silver bracelet was a medical bracelet to alert professionals that he was allergic to some antibiotic. And she had just smiled and nodded, never suspecting a thing. Until today. Her face had gone from rage to shock almost immediately; he was always surprised by how fast she moved from emotion to emotion without getting confused. He was even more surprised about how expressive her entire face was, especially her bright eyes. Her could see every trace of emotion written all over her face. She was so surprised, speechless. Then again, he was gone before she had a chance to speak.
He should have told her the truth, but no matter how proud he was or how he was bred and raised, he was still greedy. He wanted to hide his secret, hide the monster inside that would repulse her. Rubbing a hand against his face, he growled under his breath and tried to decide where he was supposed to go from here. He had run out of their apartment, leaving her there, with no indication of where he was going. And where was he going? He didn’t even know.
Before he had a chance to decide, he felt the familiar vibrating of his phone in his suit pocket. Fishing it out, his mind still trying to decide where he was heading, he didn’t look at the caller ID before clicking the answer button and growling a hello.
“Where the fuck at you, ass wipe?”
“If you insist on calling me, little brother, please keep your language as clean as possible,” Sesshomaru answered stoically, even though his emotions were in tumult. He heard his half-brother snarl in the background.
“Listen up, douche bag, Kagome called me in hysterics wondering if I knew where you are. She’s worried fucking sick. Whatever you did or where ever you went, you need to get back home. She sounded not only terrified, but lonely as fuck. I lost her over a dumb decision; don’t make the same mistake I did.”
The line went dead before Sesshomaru could reply. His hand fell limply from his face and he mindlessly slid his phone into his pocket. He knew, as much as he detested admitting it, that his brother was right. He was being unfair to Kagome. No matter if she was going to reject him and scream and run from him. He needed to at least face her and let her say what she needed to say. Resolved to do what was right, he slowly turned around and headed home.
When we walked into their home, it was absolutely silent. Or, at least, he thought it was. After a moment of listening carefully, he heard the shuffling of tiny feet coming toward him and pitiful sniffles. Flicking on the lights of the hallway, he saw Kagome, messy hair, too big clothes, and puffy eyes, walking toward him slowly. Trepidation was written clearly over her over face as she slowly approached him, as if walking toward a scared animal. Sesshomaru felt his heart clench at the hesitation and mild fear in her eyes.
“You don’t need to be afraid of me, Kagome.” His voice was resigned and soft, his eyes sad even though his face was flat and cold. Kagome shuddered as his voice rolled over her and new tears rolled down her cheeks. Sesshomaru was afraid for a moment that she was going to turn and run.
He was wrong.
She did run, but not away from him. Almost too fast for him to see, she crashed into him and wrapped her slim arms tightly around his waist. He caught her easily and held her there. Surprise spread over his face before he slid on a mask again and he gently held her. She pulled back after a moment; her eyes were bright with anger and pain.
“Don’t you ever leave like that again, unless you don’t intend to come back,” she threatened lowly. “I’ve never been afraid of you Sesshomaru, no matter what you are. I was afraid that you weren’t coming back.” Her voice broke on the last word and she buried her head in his chest again.
Guilt, for the first time in his long life, washed over him in great waves as he stroked her long hair down her back and held her. He was at a loss for words.
“I, ah, I’m sorry, Kagome. I had no intention of hurting you.” Taking a deep breath, he decided that if he was going to be honest about his nature, he needed to be honest about everything. “I was scared that you would think me a monster.”
Kagome pulled away from him slowly and looked up into his face. She searched his eyes for something and only found deep uncertainty. Slowly, her dainty hand reached out and grasped his wrist. The wrist where he could feel the sterling silver slightly burning his flesh, her cool fingers brushed against the bracelet before she gripped it tightly and ripped it off. Shock rippled through Sesshomaru as he pulled away from her and looked at her with wide, warm golden eyes.
She was clutching the bracelet to her chest in tight hands and her face shone with defiance as she looked at him tight in the eye before turning and whipping her hand. The bracelet flew from it and broke through the window. His sensitive eyes twitched when he heard the bracelet land on their balcony. Thankfully, it didn’t go beyond there. He would need it back. For now, though, he stared at his girlfriend with unsure golden eyes. She was looking at his face, her eyes then travelled along his long silver hair, to his stripes and claws, and lastly to his molten eyes. Stepping forward with resolve and determination, she looked deeply into his eyes.
“This is where your demon hides,” she whispered quietly as she stared up at them in fascination. He took a step back from her, his hands raised in defense, uncertainty still bright in his eyes. She may feel safe now, but the minute she saw his beast, she would run. He didn’t want her to run.
“Don’t get to close, its dark inside,” he muttered bitterly, a fanged smile flashing briefly before his face was once again passive. Kagome frowned at him as she stepped determinedly toward him. Sesshomaru frowned back and stepped back.
“You’re no different than I am, Sesshomaru,” she mumbled back. Sesshomaru had to resist rolling his eyes at her. She was being naïve and wishful.
“I don’t want to let you down, but I’m hell bound, Kagome.”
Kagome shook her head fiercely at this as she balled her tiny hands into fists and growled.
“No! You aren’t! And if you really believe that, then why are you telling me all this? Why would you hide this for so long and then suddenly tell me that I can’t get close to you because you think you’re going to hell?”
Sesshomaru waited as she wiped her eyes to get rid of the hot tears before he spoke.
“This is all for you, I didn’t want to hide the truth. I always wanted to tell you. But no matter who we are, we are still made with greed. I was afraid to lose you.” Being honest was hard, he thought as he watched the emotion play out on her face. He didn’t like being this open after so long of being so closed off. He found that even with her, it was hard. Finally, her face went blank and Sesshomaru was worried.
“You decide who you want to be, Sesshomaru. No matter if you’re a demon or a human or a hanyou, it’s up to you what you make.”
“This is up to fate, Kagome. It’s woven into my soul. I was born this way. To my core I am a demon. I have a beast and I have instincts, instincts that dictate what I do and how I act. I’m more animal than I am human. And I need to let you go before I hurt you anymore. I thought that I could control it, but it’s been shown to me that I can’t. I snapped today and could have hurt you. Your eyes shine so bright and I want to save that light.”
Kagome let her eyes fall shut and tears fell down her cheeks. Never had her boyfriend been so open with her. They had been dating for six months and she had always felt a wall between. It was gauzy; she could see his outline, but not his features. And whenever she reached for him, he seemed to move away from her. Now, though, that gauzy veil was gone and she felt like she was looking at Sesshomaru for the first time. And she liked it. Opening her eyes, she stepped toward him slowly and he watched her every move very carefully as she got closer to him. Slowly, to prove that she wasn’t going to hurt him, she raised her hands to touch his cheeks and stroke his stripes in fascination. His eyes lulled shut and he leaned into her touch. Slowly, her tiny fingers moved toward his forehead and she touched his crescent moon, the symbol of his heritage. He purred deep in the back of his throat at the touch and he reveled in her girlish giggle at the noise.
“Don’t hide from me, Sesshomaru. I want to know all of you. Stripes, fangs, pointed ears, and all.” She grinned as she moved her hands behind his ears and scratched gently, watching as his head tilted back into the touch.
Slowly, her hands fell around his neck and she held him tightly, almost afraid that he was going to run away again. His beautiful golden eyes slid open and he stared at her with an unfathomable expression. After a moment, his eyes softened and his arms tightened around her.
“I will not leave again, my Kagome. I am sorry. I never intended to hurt you.”
She answered with a gentle kiss before pulling away with a mischievous, curious look in her eyes. She then proceeded to fire off every question she had always had about demons. Late into the night, she finally fell asleep leaning against his shoulder and as he pulled his fingers through her hair, he spoke softly.
“I can’t escape this now, miko. You are far too precious. I will save your light and I will shelter you.”
Leaning down, he kissed her forehead before laying his head on hers and letting himself be pulled into sleep.