“I have no interest in anything but hearing you answer my question. Did you do it?” he practically snarled in her face. Part of him literally hoped that she would deny it, that there was some sort of feasible explanation for it all, but he knew for a fact that it was true. All that he needed was for Kagome to admit her guilt.
“Y-yes, Sesshoumaru,” And there it was, from her own mouth. Sesshoumaru felt what was left of his faith in the woman he had loved with all that he was shatter into oblivion. “You have to let me explain...”
“How could you? After all this time that we have been...” he could not go on, it hurt him far too much and made him far far too angry in the process. She had betrayed their friendship, their love, and he just could not handle it.
“Please...just listen to me.” Again she pleaded with him to let her try to reason away his pain, to belittle the severe emotional trauma he had suffered over this entire incident. She was wrong for that.
“Listen? Listen to what; to how you...how you showed a bunch of strangers...?”
“It wasn't like that...” her tear filled words echoed inside his head, “No please, don't go, Sesshoumaru. Not like this...”
Over and over that day played out inside his head; the day when love and friendship had been put to the ultimate test and failed. She had been his everything and she betrayed him, leaving him with nothing but the bitter memories of what had once been. Kagome. Oh, how that name wrenched his poor broken heart.
Since that day, Sesshoumaru had done nothing but think of her even though he really did not want to. A few months had passed, four of the to be precise, but it felt as though the break up had only just happened yesterday. He supposed that it would take a great deal of time for the pain and the anguish to subside, as all deep hurts of this magnitude usually did; but it did not keep him from hoping otherwise. He was so very tired of the pain and the sadness, as well as the constantly wondering whether there had been anything he could have done to prevent it.
When he discovered that they would attend college separately, there had been a massive degree of trepidation in allowing it. Something at the back of his mind told him it would create problems between the two of them, but his arrogance and misplaced confidence managed to convince him otherwise. Blindly believing that their love could withstand the distance, he sent her off to that place with a kiss and a smile. Stupid. He should have insisted that they attend the same institution; he knew that now, too bad he did not know it back then.
His studies had kept him so busy, wanting to do his best so that she would be proud of him and the accomplishments he had achieved. Little did he know that what he had been so sure would strengthen their relationship had actually been what tore the damned thing apart. Never in a million years would he have entertained the thought that Kagome would turn so wild without him there. The girl he thought he knew so well should have never even considered such appalling behavior but, clearly something had changed in the girl and it definitely was not for the better.
Now, one would assume that Kagome would have done all that she could to keep such damning information from getting out so that the man whom she had professed a deep and undying devotion to would never know the sordid ugly truth. Unfortunately, that had not been the case; it seemed as though she was somehow proud of her inappropriate behavior. A posting on the widely used social network revealed all when he dared to log on to see if she had tried to message him.
As it happened, there were no messages waiting for him and he decided to catch up on a few things before logging off. The post seemed intriguing; it had appealed to his liking for seeing drunken idiots acting a fool. And so it was that he chose to watch the snippet, deemed as such due to the relatively short time index. To say that he had been shocked well beyond the realms of basic comprehension would be a severe understatement.
Seeing her at a party was not the issue for he knew that Kagome and her friends liked to blow off steam every once in a while. He, himself, sometimes attended a few parties both on and off campus as well and, so, he honestly saw nothing wrong with seeing his woman dancing and singing and having a good time, even if her attire did raise a few questions. No, it was what happened once the video progressed that was the problem.
No more than thirty seconds in Sesshoumaru realized that Kagome and her three female friends had not just been mere guests at the function that turned out to be a frat party...they had been the entertainment. Jeers and catcalls sounded, encouraging the four young women and with but seventeen seconds...his entire world shattered before his eyes. The instant that Kagome's chest was bared for one and all to see, the performance ended – the video freezing on the indecent image. Just how long he sat there staring at the still once the video ended he honestly did not know but, the sky outside his window had all but gone out. Once he regained the use of both his mind and his body, he left school with but one destination in mind.
The drive there had been a long one and Sesshoumaru spent the time trying to come up with a reasonable explanation as to why his girlfriend would do such a thing. Several phone calls, as well as texts, from the guilty party had been rejected, as talking on the phone while driving his car was not an option. He had driven without stopping unless it was necessary, either to refuel or occasionally use the bathroom, due to his burning need for answers.
Sure they had spent more time apart than they did in each others' presence but when they had been able to get together he had always made certain to make each and every second count. Also, to make up for the distance, they talked regularly through live video chat and of course, that cursed damned social network that he was seriously considering deleting his account from. In theory, Kagome should have been just as content with their long distance relationship as he was for they both were aware that it would not last forever. They would have been together in the end...in every sense of the word.
The thought had occurred to him that, maybe, Kagome felt as though she had never really allowed herself to enjoy the attentions of other guy, having spent the biggest part of her teenage and young adult years bound to just one. Maybe she had suddenly started to feel cheated somehow?
No, that couldn't be it; she had many opportunities to date other men before the two of them became a romantic couple. Hell, the girl had gone on more dates than he had – as sad as that was for him to admit. It couldn't have just been a desire for attention either, for Kagome was an outgoing person who many took notice of. She had always received praise and not just from him either; her mother, instructors, fellow students, and even the occasional stranger had positive things to say to her. So...why, for the love of god, would she have done something like that?
As had become the norm, Sesshoumaru laid there upon his bed, in the dark wishing that he could somehow manage to close his eyes without seeing her face. It hurt too much and he had grown ever so tired of the pain. His torment only worsened with the fact that once the sun rose, it would be that day. The very day that he had always looked forward to for many years until this one. Valentine's Day.
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The day was upon him and Sesshoumaru felt the adverse effects full force from the second that his feet touched the floor when he forced himself to get out of bed. His memories of previous holidays flooded his mind, torturing him relentlessly. Images of days passed when he and his supposed to be forever valentine celebrated both a solid friendship and an even more solid relationship. He still recalled the first one, reliving the loneliness he had experienced at being an unwelcome stranger in an unfamiliar place and the immense joy at receiving his very first valentine from a kind and caring raven-haired little girl sitting precisely four seats away from him. For some reason, the usual smile that came from that memory failed to appear upon his face this time and that saddened his poor tormented heart even more.
As the day wore on, constant reminders of just what had been his, but wasn't anymore, bombarded him from all sides. Everywhere that he looked he saw one reminder after another; he couldn't even escape it in his studies, for his literature professor decided to treat her students to romantic readings in honor of the holiday. Needless to say, he left before the class had officially ended and without explanation to boot. Couples walking hand in hand with loving expressions on their faces forced the poor guy to remember similar holidays when he and Kagome did much the same thing. Dinners at a favored restaurant...the short but leisurely walk to his car...
Stopping to gas his vehicle proved no less painful for him either for as soon as he entered the building, Sesshoumaru came face to face with the one thing that came close to breaking him. Kagome had given him the same exact card the year that they were to part for college... It was too much for him. The decision was then made to just take himself home and remain there until this once happy holiday was over; which was precisely what he set out to do the instant that his fuel was paid for.
Per his usual routine, Sesshoumaru stopped to pick up the mail before taking the elevator up, though he really saw no reason why. Not even the anticipated arrival of his monthly issue of his favorite magazine, which should be arriving any day, was successful in raising his spirits on this day. His keys jingled lightly as he turned the small lock, disturbing the silence of the corridor. The sight that greeted him once the little door opened was just shocking enough to make him actually take a step backward.
Unsure as to whether it was real, whether it was possible that his extreme levels of depression and sadness had somehow caused him to hallucinate, the man did nothing but stand there staring into the open space. She had sent him a card, there was no doubt about it. He knew the sight well, for he had seen it before, but why on earth would there be...
Amazed at the woman's audacity, Sesshoumaru found it difficult to make a definite decision as to what he should do from there. He could not deny that when he first saw it there in his box he came close to just pitching it in the trash. Then, something came over him, eeking its way into his mind and his heart; curiosity, amazement, perhaps even a bit of fond nostalgia as well. He honestly did not know just what it was, but it stopped him from throwing her card away. Instead, he pulled the thing from his mailbox; the other mail was instantly forgotten – even the magazine he had been waiting for. From that moment, the correspondence from his one time best friend was all that he knew.
His hands shook as he turned the square envelope over to slide his finger underneath the flap. Even though they were broken up, for some reason, it really did not surprise the man that Kagome had sent him a card on this day. Their day. Realizing that he had been holding his breath, Sesshoumaru exhaled very slowly in the hopes that it would soothe his nerves. His mind had started to picture just what kind of card she would have chosen for him this time, considering the recent ill turn of events. Would it be a simple general greeting like one would give a casual acquaintance or would it be one conveying regret that things hadn't turned out the way that they had once believed they would? Would she wish him luck in future love, wanting him him to find once again what the two of them had shared but lost?
He had only just pulled the thing from it's sleeve, barely having a couple of seconds to scan the front, when something happened to give him cause to halt his attempt to see what sort of token she had chosen for him this year. “Sesshoumaru?”
He turned his head toward the end of the hall, certain that he had been hallucinating. The instant that Kagome came into view, he felt his heart damn near come to a dead stop. Dressed in white, save for the blood red ruby necklace and earrings he had given her the previous Valentine's Day, Kagome stood silently waiting for him to say something to her. Not a single word left his mouth.
Her feet dared to move then, bringing her closer to him with every step and Sesshoumaru slipped the card back inside the envelope just to have something to do. It was wreaking sheer havoc upon his entire person, having her in such close proximity, and he felt a bit ashamed of his reaction. He should be angry at her audacity, showing up there as she did after the pain and the hurt she had caused him; and, he was.
He was still so very angry at the petite young woman, but his amazement over shadowed that. She had a massive amount of courage; he had to give her that much. Still though, his mind decided that it was appropriate to conjure memories; ones of better times in their long history together that for some reason seemed intent to lessen the negative feelings to a degree.
After what felt like an unusual length of time, Kagome finally reached him, coming to a halt but a mere foot away. In her expressive blue eyes Sesshoumaru could see a veritable storm of emotions from uncertainty to determination...even a fair degree of joy as well. That confused him he had to say, for why would Kagome feel joy at a time such as this?
“Why are you here?” he dared to ask, though he already knew the answer. In a strange way, the young man had kind of suspected that his one time friend and lover would put in an appearance.
She started at the sound of his deep baritone voice in the otherwise silent corridor, “I-It's Valentine's Day...”
“I am aware of that,” he interjected, his tone rather tense and his words strained.
“I couldn't let the holiday...our holiday, pass without...Can we go somewhere and talk?”
Slowly, his head shook to the negative to deny her request. The only place that they could go and have complete privacy was his and he simply could not handle having her there. The feelings he had for her were still so very strong and Sesshoumaru just could not trust himself to not seek comfort from the relentless agony he suffered damn near constantly. “Nothing has changed so there really is nothing to talk about.”
Kagome never did particularly enjoy being refused anything, and perhaps he should have remembered that. “Yes, Sesshoumaru, there is. You refused to let me explain. You just walked out the door, and out of my life, without allowing me a chance to tell you just what happened.”
“I do not need the sordid details,” he muttered, his fingers gripping the object in his hand just a bit tighter. This was just as difficult as he thought it would be, there was no denying that. “I have more than a fair idea as to what happened, Kagome.”
True to her character, Kagome pressed the matter, daring to challenge him by continuing on even though she had to know that he just wanted the entire thing to end.“No, you don't; you don't have a clue. I won't deny that you had every right to be upset, pissed even, but that did not give you the right to decide to end our relationship without proof that you had good reason to do it. I would not have done it if I did not have a very good reason to.”
Sesshoumaru experienced a small rise of pride in himself when he rolled his eyes at what she said. Did she honestly think that there was actually such a thing as a good reason to betray a friend and lover? From the way that she looked at him, he had to say that yes, she did believe it. Past dealings with the girl had taught him that it would be useless to try to end the conversation without allowing Kagome to finish and he had to admit that he was a little curious as to what sort of excuse she had managed to come up with. The separation had undoubtedly given the her more than ample time to invent one.
So, with but a breath and a minor alteration to his stance, Sesshoumaru took the bait and asked, “And just what would this good reason be?”
Her instant embarrassment confused him and his natural curiosity rose steadily with the deepening of the blush that colored her cheeks. “I-I needed money, Sesshoumaru. Me and my friends were hired to dance...”
“Strip,” he corrected, the word tainted with obvious disdain.
“No. That was an accident. I must have moved the wrong way and... it happened. As soon as I realized there was a problem, I fixed it and finished the routine so that I could still get paid.” Something in his eyes must have told her that he had problems believing her story, because Kagome instantly addressed his unspoken issues. It seemed as though the distance and the complications in their floundering relationship had not affected her being able to know just what he was thinking. Truly, she was amazing and he would not deny that. “Look, they weren't supposed to record it, let alone post it anywhere; we had an agreement and someone broke it.”
Okay, so her story was plausible at least, for he had always known that Kagome's finances were not as stable as his were. Hell, the woman worked two jobs Also, she and a few of her friends at school had attended a fitness and exercise dance class religiously...most likely still did if the truth be told. It still did not change the facts of what she did or that she obviously thought that he was just enough of an idiot to believe there had been some sort of 'wardrobe malfunction'.
“Nothing else happened, Sesshoumaru. I swear,” Now, why for the love of god, did he find himself starting to believe her story? Desperation to have the intense agony come to an end, perhaps? Now that he thought about it, Kagome had always been an honest person – in that she always tried to tell the truth no matter what and he was aware of that. Common sense seemed to dictate that if she had been up to no good on the evening in question, she would not have come to try to change his mind ...especially after the time that had passed without any sort of communication between them.
Her voice broke through his intense thoughts and forced him to pay attention to what she had to say next. “We danced and were paid, that was it; I didn't even stick around afterward. I got my money and I went back to the dorm so I could study.”
God how he wanted to believe her. With all that he was, he wanted to rediscover his faith in his estranged friend and lover that the healing process could begin. If, for posterity sake, he did decide that he had been mistaken about the entire damned thing, he had to wonder just what it would take to repair the seemingly irreversible damage that had been inflicted upon their relationship.
Was it possible for them to resume what they had without the shadow of doubt hanging over their heads? If he were to consider the indisputable fact that their friendship had spanned many long years, growing stronger with each day that had passed, it did appear as though that particular part of their relationship could recover. However, since their friendship had included the more intimate aspects...that possibility lessened.
“What did you need the money for?” he inquired, deciding that he needed a bit more clarification on the issue. “You knew that all you had to do is tell me you needed something and I would have made sure you had it.”
“I didn't like asking you for money, you know that,” the young woman scolded him, apparently comfortable about doing so too. Then, her face softened a bit as she continued on with her explanation, which he gave his full attention to, “Besides, it would have been wrong for you to give me money to buy you a Valentine's gift.”
“You did it to buy me a gift?” he asked, unable to fully believe what she had said.
“Well, yeah; I always give you something on our special day and this time I just didn't have the money to get you what I wanted. To be honest about it, if I hadn't done it I would have had nothing to give you but the card that you are holding in your hand.” Briefly, his eyes flitted to the aforementioned item in his sweating hand. Sesshoumaru had to repress the instant urge to open and read the contents, wondering if she had written her own words this time around. It would be grossly inappropriate for him to do that. He still wanted to though.
“I wanted to give you something great to remind you that I was somewhere waiting for you. You aren't the only one who had insecurities, you know.” Her words amazed him for he had never told her that sometimes, predominantly at night when he lay down to go to sleep, he worried about losing her to someone who was more accessible. Never did he think that she would feel the same though, for he had always made it a point to tell her that she was the only woman he wanted and needed in his life. “I feared that you would meet some girl and hit it off...start spending time together...and before you knew it I would be forgotten.”
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, the young man reached out; his massive hands circled her slender arms near the shoulder. His eyes narrowed upon her as he desperately tried to bring his suddenly raging emotions back under control. It would appear as though this tiny little woman had absolutely no clue as to just how strongly he felt for her; otherwise, she would not have said those things to him.
“How can you say that?” Sesshoumaru stared at her in disbelief, wondering if Kagome had any idea as to just how much he had agonized over losing her. Had she doubted his feelings for her that much? “I could never have forgotten you, Kagome; we had been together for far too long for me to ever forget about you and what we had.”
“Sesshoumaru...” she choked, a tiny sob preventing her from saying much more than that. His heart damn near stopped beating the instant that Kagome dared to lay her head against his shoulder; which caused his arms to encircle her trembling body and hold her like he had countless times before.
“I can't take the pain anymore...I miss you so much...need you,” she pleaded, her tears wetting his shirt. Her manicured nails raked his skin through the cotton material, causing an intense shudder to run along his spine once more.“Please come back to me...if only as my best friend.”
He crooked a finger beneath her chin, insisting that she raise her head, “Never again are you to fret about a gift for me, Kagome. I have told you time and again: it is not the gift that makes the holiday...”
Though she had interrupted him before he had finished speaking, Sesshoumaru allowed it. Their attempt to reconcile warranted such special concessions after all, “Why do you like the cards so much? Most people expect something to go with them; chocolates, a stuffed animal...”
“...jewelry,” he continued for her with a half-hearted smirk upon his face. It was payback for her interrupting him. Cautiously, he took two steps back from her and he did so for a reason. He wanted Kagome to have to look up at him. His eyes bore down upon her, staring her right in the eyes as he clarified one very important detail for the seemingly oblivious little woman, “I am not most people, girl; one would think you would know that by now.”
Tentatively, Kagome reached out to him, her fingers resting upon his stomach.“So...are we going to be okay, Sesshoumaru?”
He knew exactly what she was asking, even though the actual words never left her mouth. Kagome was, in a round about way, asking whether they would be just friends or whether they would be much more. He would not deny that his feelings for her in that department had not lessened. He still wanted her just as much as he ever had; the pounding of his rejuvenated heart told him that much, as did the heat that slowly started to rise and spread throughout his entire six foot three frame.
Yes, he wanted this little raven-haired beauty and he always would. Of that there was no doubt whatsoever. “I...promise me that your days of 'performing' are over.”
“They are, believe me,” she sniffled, desperately trying to blink back the tears in her eyes before they could fall again. “It was only that one time and I really didn't enjoy it that much.”
He embraced her then, relishing the warmth that he had believed he would never know again. Oh, how his heart rejoiced at having his precious Kagome back in his arms; it felt like forever since he had embraced her like this. Tiny kisses upon his neck ignited the all too familiar heat deep inside him once more, and as always, his mind slowly began to fail him. Sesshoumaru had to admit that he had missed this aspect of their relationship, although it was not the main it did run an extremely close second.
Before he could give in to the instant want to take Kagome upstairs and reacquaint himself with her intimate person, Sesshoumaru pulled away. Of course, when she whimpered from the loss, he came close to rethinking his decision to move slowly in the reunification process. Kagome always affected him like that.
He cleared his throat, wanting to reinforce his resolve to take his time, then spoke to her, “Would you like to accompany me to a last minute holiday dinner? Of course with it being last minute, it would not be our traditional Valentine's Day meal...”
“I'll go anywhere you want me to, as long as we can be together. That's what matters most to me.”
At that, the man felt his very heart grow lighter tHn it had been in some time. Ever would the memory of this day remain to remind him just what he had with Kagome just in case his oftentimes troublesome irrational tendencies tried to rear their ugly heads again.
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