Title: It was foretold in the Cosmos (One-Shot #96)
Author: CrazedCalicoNeko
Prompt: Tongue (One-Shot #96)
Rating: MA
Genre: Humor, One-Shot
Universe: Alternate
Warning: Sexual themes, a little OOCness and kind of a Crack-fic
I DO NOT OWN COSMO, OREOS, STINK EYE, COOKIE MONSTER, COSMO WEBSITE OR INUYASHA.
(Inspired from when my younger brother would steal my cosmos for tips on girls...)
Kagome Taisho entered her home devouring a container of Oreo cookies, when she noticed her brother-in-law sitting on one of the living room couches. She toddled her pregnant self toward him to further investigate why he had neither a.) noticed the smell of Oreos or b.) her presence.
InuYasha was diligently reading an article while moving his tongue in some pattern of licks, jabs and swirls.
“Yash, what the hell are you doing?” Kagome asked between cookies.
Turning an ear in her direction he answered while doing his tongue ‘exercises’, “Weading.”
“I know you’re reading, but what are you doing with your mouth?” Kagome asked getting agitated.
“Pwactissing,” the hanyou responded.
“Are you reading my Cosmo again?!” Kagome demanded.
Once InuYasha had found the magazine, he believed it held the secrets to womankind, their vagina's and how he could use these secrets to get laid. Kagome had begun to hide them, but know, InuYasha simply beat her to getting the mail.
He hid his reading material under his seat cushion and smiled at his pregnant sister-in-law and best friend, “You mean you’re pregnancy porn?" (insert mischievous fanged grin) "Maybe…”
“What article caused all that slobbering?” Kagome asked as she plopped down beside InuYasha giving him the 'stink eye'.
He watched as the once tiny Miko finished off her Oreos and looked sorrowfully down at the crumbs.
“Tips on Oral,” InuYasha replied as he pulled the magazine back out, he knew Kagome was zoned out about her cookies and hadn’t heard his answer.
As predicted Kagome had been so absorbed in her Oreo dilemma she hadn’t heard the response. “I’m sorry, you’re brother has impregnated me with cookie monsters… what did you say?"
InuYasha put the magazine back under his cushion, held up his hands and pretended to do ASL (American Sign Language) as he spoke, “I was reading tips on how to give ladies oral sex. But they really need to consider us with fangs, I've hurt myself... like, four times”
Kagome felt the need to toss her cookies, literally. Kagome moaned pitifully for her mate, “Sessh, make your brother leave! He’s having oral sex on the couch and upsetting the pups!”
At the sound of his mate’s distressed call of his name, Sesshomaru left the downstairs gym and stood before his mate to hear the rest of her sentence. With a raised silver eyebrow he looked at his blushing brother and his angry and nauseous looking mate.
“Hanyou, we may be dog demons but reframe from licking your balls in front of my mate.” Sesshomaru instructed with the sternest of expressions he could manage.
“You can do that?” both occupants on the couch asked.
InuYasha smelled extremely jealous, his mate was disgusted… leaving Sesshomaru very amused.
“No, (not in humanoid form at least) now InuYasha return Kagome’s magazine, and Kagome go to our room and rest.” Sesshomaru instructed and watched as his orders were carried out. He kissed Kagome's forehead as she walked past and adding a squeeze to her now plump backside. Her waddle took on a sexy sway as she waked down the hall and into their bedroom… giving Sesshomaru a wink.
‘Hn, Pregnancy hormones were wonderful,’ Sesshomaru thought with a smirk and than turned to face his brother.
InuYasha sat on the couch pouting when his brother tossed him his tablet computer, “Cosmo has a website with all the articles… I recommend you finish 'reading'… then leaving my residence to use your new knowledge. I have a mate to fornicate with."
“Ewww,” InuYasha responded as he watched his brother join Kagome in their room, then quickly found the Cosmo website and all it's treasures.