Secrets On A Fan by summerbirdy

Kagome: The Beginning

Hey! This is Summerbirdy and Dreamcatcher. We are co authoring this story, Secrets On A Fan, and wish you enjoy reading this as we've been enjoying writing this. We are taking turns on writing the chapters, but be assured, you will be notified which of us has written which chapter. We do not own Inuyasha or make profit writing this, it is purely for fun and growing as a writers. This story will be posted here on Dokuga under Summerbirdy´s account and will also been found on ff.net under Dreamcatcher´s (dreamcatcher81).  

This chapter is written by Summerbirdy and it's told in Kagome's POV.  

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The beginning

On the river bend, leaning on a big, smooth boulder, sat a young woman. She had a worn working kimono on, and her onyx black hair was piled on her head in a messy bun. Her eyes, that gazed towards the clear sky, were blue and had a particularly haunting sad look to them. Her name was shouted from in the distance, but she didn't react much. Only a slight frown on her face gave any indication that she heard the call.

“Kagome! There you are!” a ruff voice was heard above, and a figure glad in red haori jumped next to her. ”Kaede has been looking all over for you.”

“I'm sorry Inuyasha. I must have fallen asleep and not heard her.” Kagome whispered.

“Keh. You are always so sleepy nowadays. What's the matter with you, woman?” Inuyasha snapped.

Kagome winced at the angry sound, but made no comment. She rose, brushed her kimono off and started walking towards the village.

She had been lying. She had heard every word, every call that had been made, but didn't want to answer the calls. If she did, she would have needed to face the village women, who were curious and gossipy. Who's eyes were full of pity when they looked at her. She couldn't take it anymore.

It had been almost three years now. Three years ago, she had come back to her home, her love and faith. Or so she believed. Inuyasha had been so happy to see her, kissed her, held her and promised to never let her go again.

They had gotten engaged soon after, and planned to get married. But, the original wedding date had been two years ago, and still nothing had happened. If it wasn't an urgent call from a far away village that needed demon hunters, it was something else that called for Inuyasha's attention and so the date had to be postponed. Time after time. They had canceled four weddings now and truth be told, Kagome was getting very pissed off about it.

Oh, her beloved hanyou was eager for the benefits, and kept pestering her about it too. If she wasn't firm believer of not going all the way before the wedding night, she might have ended up unmarried woman with at least two children by now. With a lover who shirked his duties.

There was a pattern in all of this. Each time they had set the date, Inuyasha had started to get distant. His journeys had started to take longer and it seemed he 'forgot' to pick up or buy any of the wedding related items he was asked, and even begged to get. And each time, just two weeks before the set date, he'd call it off because of 'an urgent matter' somewhere Kagome had never heard of. And with all traveling they had done when she was 15, that said quite a lot. Didn't he realize that she was smart enough to notice these things?

It suddenly hit her, that maybe he actually thought he could pull this off without her noticing. She had not said a thing, had not pestered him for a reason. It was partly her fault that things had gone like this for so long.

But she knew from experience that getting answers from Inuyasha was like stopping quicksand sucking you down. Any move you made would lead to more desperation. He was too good at evading all questions.

What escaped Kagome, was the reason behind all this. Why did he keep rescheduling their wedding? Why he didn't tell her, if he was getting cold feet? Though when she thought about it, it shouldn't be a surprise. Just like with Kikyo all those years ago, he couldn't say a word of his feelings, but wanted all he was offered.

When she seriously thought about it, Inuyasha was still being the same. After six years, he was still selfish, rough, and boyish. He was everything she had admired and loved then and even three years ago. So why did she feel that it wasn't enough anymore? The thought made her heart ache.

She glanced at her side, where Inuyasha was walking, amazingly silent. He had serious expression on his face and he kept throwing glances at her direction, thinking she didn't notice. Kagome knew there was something on his mind, it was clear as a day. She wanted to ask what is was, but when she tried to open her mouth, Inuyasha got there first.

“Kagome, I'm sorry I haven't been around lately.” He said in a voice so silent, Kagome had to strain her ears to catch every word. “It's just that... that...” His voice drifted.

“Yes, Inu?” Kagome prompted.

Complete absence of sound surrounded them, making every second feel like a minute. Neither of them dared to look at the other in fear of what might be visible in their eyes. Then, just as Kagome was loosing patience and turning to continue towards village, Inuyasha grabbed her arms and yanked her forward. Before Kagome managed to make a sound, his lips crashed down on hers, hard. The kiss was desperate, hungry and she felt her heart melting once again.

Why did he have so strong a grip on her heart? Why she was willing to suffer once again, only to get few desperate kisses and no sweet words, confessed feelings or gentle showings of affection?

When Inuyasha let her go, she smiled at him brightly. Though the smile didn't reach her eyes, and the only one to notice it was dark figure in the shadows of the trees. Neither of them noticed the owner of golden eyes that followed them to the village.

~~~~

Two weeks later found Kagome waking up from amazingly peaceful sleep. No one woke her up demanding breakfast, namely ramen. No one had pounced on her, asking for lollipop or a story. No irate hanyou, no overactive kitsune or bouncy young girl. No harsh miko teacher or teasing friends.

Kagome, her mind fully awakening, was actually confused for a minute, until the delicious aroma of her favorite foods assaulted her nose. Birthday! It was her 21st birthday. And they had remembered. She rose hurriedly, put her clothes on and ran to common area of the hut she, Rin and Shippo inhabited.

“Happy Birthday Kagome!” Her friends shouted as soon as they noticed her.

Shippo ran to hug her and started babbling how about they had prepared everything and how he was soooo hungry and could she maybe also be hungry. Rin was hungry too, wasn't she? Kagome couldn't do anything but laugh at that.

Later, when food was ready and everyone had their share, she noticed someone missing. Inuyasha wasn't there to wish her a happy birthday. It made her a bit sad, but she shrugged it off. Maybe he was preparing a surprise for her. He did that every year. Though it nagged at her that he skipped food. He never did that. Well, not since Kikyo...

Forcefully, Kagome pushed all bad thoughts away and decided to enjoy her birthday. No matter what, today she would be happy. She looked at the happy faces of Shippo and Rin and found that it wouldn't be too hard either. No one could be cross when those two were present.

Except maybe Sesshoumaru, but Kagome was secretly quite sure that his blank face was a mask and that inside he was laughing like a hyena. Actually, when she thought about it, she was sure she had seen his mouth twitch. Twice in fact, when Shippo and Rin had tricked Inuyasha just last week.

Speaking of the daiyoukai, it seemed her thoughts had summoned him to the hut, since he decided to enter at that moment. The Lord of the West had been coming and going at irregular times to check on Rin and her progress on her studies. Kagome just assumed that the daiyoukai still didn't trust her abilities to teach.

She had taken it upon herself to teach the girl reading and writing, as well as correct protocol. Kaede was teaching them both how to be a miko, and Kagome sensed nothing but contentment from the Western Lord when it came to Kaede. But every time he was there to witness her teachings, it felt like his eyes bore into her, looking for something. A failure, she assumed, but had enough sense to never bring those thoughts out.

It was a wonder really, how Rin had stayed so childlike and innocent during the six years she had been living in the village. She was soon reaching the age of marriage, but Kagome had noticed that no villager tried to push the idea of marriage into the girl's head, nor did young men try to woo her. Kagome though it was the influence the Western Lord, and since she liked the girl to have her childhood as happy as possible, she never brought the subject out.

“Kagome?” Rin's soft voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Yes, Rin?” The young miko smiled softly to the girl.

“I... I...” It was obvious that Rin was hesitant to continue.

“Go on, Rin.”

Kagome scooted closer to Rin and wrapped her arm around the girl.

“I... I wanted to.. a present...” The girl, who was usually so happy and spoke without restrains, was now silent and stuttering. She kept looking at Sesshoumaru, like asking for help, but before the daiyoukai had chance to interfere, Kagome knelt in front of Rin and took hold of her shoulders.

“Rin, dear, look at me.” Two pairs of eyes met. “Take deep breath, count to five and then tell me.”

Rin breathed in deeply, lifted her eyes to Kagome's and with clear voice said “I asked Sesshoumaru-sama to get you a present for me. Since you've been so good to me in these three years, I wanted to give you a special birthday present. And Shippo helped us too.”

Kagome glanced at Shippo, who had a bashful face, and Sesshoumaru who, as usual, had his indifferent mask on. He nodded to confirm his ward's words. She turned her eyes back to Rin, who now had a small package in her hands.

“This is to you, Lady Kagome.” Rin bowed deep, just like Kagome had taught and presented the package to her. Kagome gracefully accepted the gift, and made mental note on complimenting the girl later. She then proceeded to open the delicately wrapped gift, under the watchful eyes of the children and the Lord.

Soon, she held a beautiful ebony comb in her hands. It was a masterpiece in its beauty and craft. It was obviously made by someone who took pride in their work.

“It's... Why I never...” Kagome stumbled over her words, eyes still on the comb. “I don't know what to say.”

“You... you don't like it?” Rin asked timidly.

Not like it? Kagome lifted her eyes to young girl, and saw her eyes glistening with tears.

“Oh, Rin. I adore it! This is the most beautiful thing I've ever been given!” She then gathered girl in her arms. “Oh, thank you so much!”

To everyone in the room, it was obvious how much Kagome's praise meant to the girl. Her face started glowing in happiness, as she placed her head on Kagome's shoulder and sighed in contentment. The rest of the day was full of happiness and laughter. Kagome asked Rin to put the comb in her hair, and the joy and pride on the girl's face was like a second sun.

The villagers had put together a bonfire for her, and when sun set and stars appeared on evening sky, they lit the fire. Kaede had even arranged few fireworks. The birthday was the best Kagome had had in long time. The only thing that darkened her day, was the absence of Inuyasha. He had not shown up at all.

Later in the evening, when Rin and Shippo were sound asleep and the guests had all gone their separate ways, Kagome let her thoughts wander to the silver haired hanyou. Where had he been? There were no prior happenings to her knowledge. They had talked about her birthday just two days ago. She has really had enough of this wayward behavior. She angrily emptied her tea cup, and wished for something stronger. Unfortunately she had nothing.

After her evening routine, she headed to her own room. Opening the door she noticed something sparkling in the moonlight. Cautiously, she slipped inside the room. A beautiful fan was laying on her futon. It had a dark polished handle that was carved into the shape of phoenix. Kagome sat on her futon and gently picked it up.

When she opened it, she saw the prettiest ink painting of cherry tree she had ever seen. It was clearly an expensive piece. The craftsmanship of the handle was meticulous and the paper and art were of much better quality than those she had seen at home in the future. She carefully inspected the fan, smiling gently. Could this be from Inuyasha?

Turning the fan shattered those hopes, but brought in excitement and wonder. On the right side of the fan's backside was something written. At first the writing made no sense to her, but after some time looking at the writing, she understood that it was written in katakana.

The way of drawing the symbols was ancient, at least compared to how she was taught in the future. And the words didn't made any sense. Kagome was pretty sure it wasn't even Japanese. But why would there be a writing of pure nonsense on the fan? Surely the craftsman who made it wouldn't ruin his work like that.

After carefully reading the syllables out loud few times she realized the familiarity of the language. It was English! And sounded like something Shakespeare would write too. During the three years away completing her school, she had enjoyed the English language and started reading English books. One of her favorites, that was even now stacked in her books here in Feudal Era, was a work of Shakespeare. After this realization, Kagome started to read the message aloud.

~ Why is it that, that Thy smile draws me in? That to decipher Thee becomes this one´s intent? Yet wondering why it is that from dawn to dusk, Thy eyes stay sad behind that smiling mask? ~

Kagome sat still, shocked. She read the message over and over again. Someone had wrote a message to her, claiming to want to know her better. And didn't even leave a name. But to notice her mask of happiness she had on every day, this person must be someone near her. But who? And why? She laid down, turning the fan in her hand and thoughts in her head, and slowly, she drifted into sleep.

~~~~

Next morning Kagome was washing dishes when Inuyasha burst in. Without so much as a 'good morning', he sat beside the fireplace.

“Oi, wench! You got any food for me?” He demanded.

Kagome stiffened. So that was it, huh? No 'Hey Kags, good morning, sorry I wasn't there for your birthday.' Well, if he wanted it that way...

Kagome grasped a bowl and filled it with leftovers of her and the children's morning meal. She silently put it in front of her fiance, and continued her work. Inuyasha didn’t seem to notice, he was wolfing down his food in his own slightly disgusting way. After finishing the bowl and confirming that there were no seconds, he dropped the bowl and took comfortable pose. His eyes soon noticed the bile of fine silk and the new comb that was placed in Kagome's hair.

“What's that, wench? Since when did you have money to buy those ugly things?” He demanded. “It's not like they fit you even. You could have used the money on better food or something.”

Kagome glanced at him, then continued her tasks and shrugged her shoulders. “They were a gift.”

“From whom?” Inuyasha perked.

“Many people. Your brother for example.” She said, still sounding uninterested.

“Half-brother. And why would that bastard buy you gifts?” The hanyou snorted.

“Maybe because we are allies and almost family.” And because yesterday was my birthday. She thought to herself. How she managed to sound so off-handed, Kagome didn't quite know herself. But something had clicked yesterday, and now she knew what she wanted. Or rather, what she didn't want.

Kagome dried her hands and sat down, across from Inuyasha. She looked him straight in the eyes and asked if he had heard about anything that had happened yesterday. The hanyou scoffed.

“How should I know? I returned just now, came straight to see you.”

Kagome's eyebrow twitched. “Inu...” Her voice was dangerously close to the one that used to lead him to kiss the mother earth. Repeatedly. She took deep breath and tried to calm down.

“So, you're saying you didn't forget anything? No preset dates yesterday? No promises to be anywhere?”

“I already said no.” He frowned. “Now what are you talking about, woman?”

Silence stretched to the hut.

“Inuyasha.” her voice was soft and pleasant. “Do you still love me?”

This shocked half demon. Wide-eyed he straightened himself. “Look, if this is about wedding, just let it be, okay. I've been busy alright? And I know we didn't plan any wedding for yesterday, so don't go fooling me there.”

“You didn't answer my question.”

“Of course I love you! Why wouldn't I love you? You're the only one I've ever loved!!!” Inuyasha claimed, hastily. And maybe in that haste he forgot who he was talking to.

Silence took over once again. This time Inuyasha started to feel that not everything was alright in his world. Then Kagome started talking.

“Right. Then. Why don't we call this whole farce off? It's quite obvious you don't want to marry me. You don't even really love me, it's still Kikyo isn't it?” Inuyasha flinched, noticeably. “And truth be told, I'm not sure I love you anymore.”

“Wait, Kag..”

“QUIET! Let me finish.” Kagome almost screamed and Inuyasha sat back down, ears flat and ringing.

“You know, I'm sick and tired of waiting. Waiting for you to grow up, make up your mind and marry me. I'm sick of always listening to excuses for the wedding to be postponed. I'm tired of being the reason for gossip and laughter. And I'm tired of you taking me for granted.” Her voice rose steadily as she stated her disappointments, until she was yelling her heart out.

“It's over now. I'm tired of waiting and I won't wait anymore. We are done, through, finished. This engagement is off!” Kagome wrenched the ring Inuyasha had give to her from her finger and threw it somewhere, she really didn't care.

“Now get out and leave me alone!”

“But Kagome..”

“GET OUT!!”

Kagome rushed to her room, not bothering to see if Inuyasha really left. Her eyes took in the fan, that was sitting on her table. She took bottle of ink and a brush and set to write her answer to this person who wished to know her unhappiness. Unnoticed to her, her tears left marks on the fan.

~ My eyes cry behind my smile, for my love is no love at all. It's a farce, a cruel comedy. Once I believed love will conquer all, but now I ask: To never love or be loved, wouldn't that be a blessing? ~   

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Hope you enjoyed!  Please Read & Review!

This chapter was written by Summerbirdy (http://www.dokuga.com/profile/userprofile/summerbirdy)

Next one will be Dreamcatcher's. (http://www.dokuga.com/profile/userprofile/dreamcatcher)