Mysterious Feelings Made Obvious by sesshy's babii

Not a mystery anymore

I no longer know how to feel towards the hanyou that I would have readily given my life for. It’s been five years since I've fallen through the Bone Eater's Well, and since then nothing much has changed within our mismatched group. The hunt for Naraku still rages on, Miroku is still cursed and Sango still mourns the loss of her brother, Kohaku. Yet the relationship between Inuyasha and I has become almost non-existent.

Ever since Kikyo had joined our group a few weeks ago, I was forcefully pushed into the background of Inuyasha's life. The little importance I held to the group was extinguished as Kikyo took my place in shard detecting. It's as if the only reason Inuyasha still keeps me around now is because I make him ramen. To think that just a few weeks before Kikyo came into the picture he had actually made a commitment to try to have a normal relationship with me. The delirious happiness that surrounded me at his declaration of love had long since faded into a jumble of emotions I can no longer identify. Watching him ignore me for an evil, undead clay pot everyday brings me closer and closer to giving in to the urge to run away from it all. Our last conversation still replays itself over and over in my mind.

Mystery Feelings....

The "love" mysteriously evaporated into nothingness

Does what once felt like a caress

now feel like the kiss of death?

"I know that I made a promise to you Kagome," He started off awkwardly. Kikyo had just made her grand entrance in our little campsite near Edo. We sat by the campfire, a good distance away from the others. I anxiously awaited his next words.

"I made a promise to Kikyo too, and I can't have you both at the same time so me and Kikyo are leaving the group to be mated as soon as Naraku is killed." The look in his eyes at that moment showed an enormous amount of disgust and pain. Wave after wave of hurt pierced my heart and it felt like a block of ice had encompassed my entire body. The pain was so intense that numbness started to creep into the edges of my consciousness. I shook my head, trying to clear it. When that didn't work, I stood abruptly, leaving Inuyasha by the campfire confused and concerned. Gathering a pen, notebook and some bathing supplies, I headed to the nearest hot spring to recollect and compose myself.

Numb encompasses my soul...

It leaves me yearning 

For something to hold 

For any of these mysterious feelings

That surround me

To make my heart their home

Try to be me

And think of all thing things

From past and present 

That made "us" into "we"

Try to feel

That same mystery

The very same feeling

That once drew you to me.......

Sitting in the hot spring, my notebook propped on the grassy edge, I furiously scrambled my feelings onto paper. Once, when I was younger, my mother told me to write down how I felt if I couldn't say it. Since then, I made it a habit and carried a notebook with me everywhere I went. Sunset was quickly approaching, but I was reluctant to return to camp, knowing what sights awaited me. Kikyo had taken to sleeping under the tree where Inuyasha perched at night, the spot that I used to occupy. Dragging myself back to the campsite, I opted for sleeping next to Sango, with Shippou tucked safely in my sleeping bag with me.  I laid there restlessly, knowing that a few short feet away was the bane of my existence and a constant reminder of my weaknesses. Sorting through my myriad of emotions, I continued writing. Comparing Inuyasha's relationship with me to his and Kikyo's, the difference with with he treated us gave me fuel to write throughout most of the night.