The Emo Diaries by tessahime

Vroom Vroom

Synopsis: Sesshou is a motorcycle racer. Kagome died a few months ago, and he insisted that he was ready to race again. However, he is far more reckless than he had ever been before as he races to escape the clutches of her memory. In a fit of stupidity, he takes an opening his spotter advises him against, and he goes down. 

Chapter 1: Vroom Vroom 

As far back as I can remember, there were only two things I was passionate about... racing, and my wife Kagome. Now I stood on the track, a beautiful metal steed beneath me, and it did not matter because I knew she was not in the crowd, cheering like the others. I felt the pavement beneath my boots, barely slick with the sheen of a slight summer shower, making this track far deadlier than usual. I felt the purr of my engine as it idled, waiting for the light to switch and a for me to allow her her head.

Suddenly, I felt her as if she was right there, wrapping her arms around me, ensnaring. I revved my engine in anger, impatient to race ahead to leave her behind. She was a ghost, a succubus from my own personal hell that followed me as I ate, slept, and attempted life. I could smell her crisp scent of jasmine and pears above the stench of oil, rubber, and gasoline. I held my breath.

The light flashed yellow, then green, and I was off. I switched gears fluidly, flowing between the others who were too afraid to take chances on the track in its condition. I had nothing to lose. It wasn't long before I was neck and neck with Hatsuro, riding for Yamaha. I inexplicably felt annoyed right then. Like everyone watching was missing the point of this sport. I wanted to go back to when I rode with her at my back at breakneck speeds, out hair blowing in the wind in a beautiful mix of raven black and pristine white. I wished everyone would realize that this was done for the thrill.

I ignored the yellow flag for the next portion of the track, increasing my speed to overbear Hatsuro. He took all the insides during the turns, until, he left an opening. I ignored the spotter in my ear, and took it. I swear I heard her voice, as the bike flew from under me. I felt free, flying.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I sat up in a sweat, hot despite the cool silk sheets on my body.

"What is it Sesshoumaru?"

I felt her hand stroke my skin, and came undone a little more.

"Just a nightmare." I said, ashamed of my shaking voice.

She yawned. "Tell me about it. Maybe that will help,"

Her command opened my lips against my will. "I was racing, but you weren't there. You were dead." I shook as the words dragged themselves from my mouth. Only she saw me like this. Wounded, and afraid.

"Do you want me to help you forget?" she asked, rising to sit alongside me, her permanent place in my life.

Her lips found mine, knowing the answer without my needing to voice it. She was beautiful. Her thick lush hair spilled over her shoulders to tickle my chest as her hand gently cupped my face, tracing my marks for what must have been the thousandth time.

I deepened the kiss, tasting her, and a sweetness that I could only compare to honey. The warm smell of jasmine and ripe pears flooded my nose. How could I have wanted to drown that out, dream or no dream?

Her delicate hand moved lower, her fingertips brushing gently against my throat and chest. My own hand went to cradle the back of her neck, tilting her head as I kissed her like it was our last time. Our first time. I gently pushed her with my chest to lay back on the bed, unwilling to release her lips. She laughed around our kiss at my impatience... my heart leaped at the sound, as if it truly had been months since I heard it.

I pulled back and looked deeply into her eyes. I saw things there that caused my blood to pound, hot and thick, through my veins... But I also saw something that gave me pause.

"Sesshoumaru, you know the truth. You can't keep hiding like this. You made me a promise..."

Her voice, a faint recollection of her making me promise to live my life brushed against my mind.

"No," I breathed harshly, "no, don't do this." I could feel the burning in my eyes, the tears prickling and itching as they fought to fall. I began to pull away.

"Shhh," she cooed, and held me to her. "It's okay Sesshou,"

"Why are you doing this? Why are you tormenting me?" I asked, desperately reaching for my anger to get me through this, "Why bring me here, and remind me of what we had?"

Her eyes looked saddened and disappointed. "Because you still haven't let go love. You're the one holding on..."

The feeling of her arms around me was beginning to fade. I grabbed onto her as hard as I could and breathed deep. Only the sterile smell of oxygen met my senses.

"Sesshou. You have to go back. I'll be waiting for you..."

"No...no no no no no!" I shouted, feeling the world come rushing back at me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"His stats?"

"Stable now,"

"What's the damage?"

"Left shin shattered, collapsed lung, internal hemorrhaging, and a severe concussion. He's luck to be alive."

I ripped the oxygen mask from my face, ignoring the agony of every breath she was making me fight for.

"Damn you," I growled, my anger fueling me "You should have let me die..."