Kagome came into the world on unsteady feet. She cried the way all newborns do. She stumbled and fell like any other child learning to walk. She fussed and teethed, ran fevers, and got sick. By all appearances, Kagome was an average child.
Until her parents noticed her ability to perceive things they couldn’t.
They sought the counsel of a wise Miko, Kaede, who confirmed their suspicions. Kagome wasn’t merely a gifted child. She was the Shikon Miko.
Her existence was considered sacred— a rare jewel with the gift to purify and revitalize. Some respected the power within her while others coveted it. For that reason, it was decided that she would reside within the safety of the shrine walls. Like a treasured artifact, Kagome was kept hidden, sheltered from all the dangers of the outside world.
And her family.
As the years passed, the details of their faces became difficult to remember. She forgot what color her mother’s eyes had been, what Papa’s snores sounded like, or the smell of her grandfather’s tea. Kaede advised Kagome to forget about her former life. She had studies to attend to.
Her days were an endless array of monotonous tasks. She reviewed ancient scrolls on spiritual energy, learned how to concoct herbal remedies, and mastered the bow. The history of Japan came next, followed by the study of demon-kind with special attention to purification rituals.
As she matured, her thoughts wandered beyond the scrolls she was expected to memorize. She wanted to see the world she’d been born to protect. The only time Kagome was permitted outside the shrine was when she was summoned for a blessing. All of her requests were denied.
Kaede cautioned her about the demons that lurked beyond their barrier. She referred to them as dangerous, unbridled creatures. Her warnings did not deter Kagome. Instead, the girl’s curiosity grew.
She had heard numerous tales about the great daiyoukai who roamed the lands. The stories varied between villages. Each reciter tended to embellish, and though she didn’t believe that there was an inuyoukai who could cut down thousands of foes in one single strike, Kagome found herself picturing what the demon looked like.
While tending the garden, she imagined him charging into battle. When Kagome practiced archery, she visualized fighting alongside him. At night, she pressed the tips of her fingers to her lips wondering what it would feel like to kiss the warrior. The daydreams distracted Kagome from her mundane life.
She kept them a secret from Kaede. The elderly Miko did not approve of the demon clans, which was why she always refused their invitation to the annual harvest feast. While others celebrated the festival, Kaede chose to ignore it. She didn’t believe the divide between humans and demon-kind would ever be bridged. She expected Kagome to feel the same.
So Kagome gave up hope on ever attending the event. She tucked away her fantasies and continued addressing her shrine duties.
She never expected that they would lead her to him.
There was nothing memorable about that morning. Kagome had woken early to travel west with Kaede. The farmers there were experiencing trouble with their crops. They claimed the soil was toxic and had summoned the Shikon Miko for a purification ceremony.
As Kagome knelt over the land, she felt the presence of something dark lingering beneath the surface. She ordered the villagers to stand back. Gathering her reiki around her, Kagome attempted to rid the farms of the malicious energy.
She wasn’t prepared for what emerged from the soil.
The demon reared up, its red eyes transfixed on her. Kagome stumbled backward. Her fear blinded her to the demon’s offspring which had begun to crowd around her in anticipation of their next meal.
Kagome tried to purify them all, but a lifetime locked away at the shrine had hindered her abilities. She wasn’t powerful enough to take down the mother and her grubs.
When the demon charged, Kagome took off running. She understood there was no chance for survival but she vowed to protect the villagers with her dying breath.
The demon caught up to her in a field several meters outside the village. As it loomed over her, Kagome met its terrifying gaze. She did not flinch. She did not cry. There was a screech of victory from the demon as Kagome readied herself for death.
And he came for her.
He appeared as a giant, snarling beast. His crimson eyes were intense and so full of fury that Kagome swore she could feel the hellfire. Yet, his attention was not on her. He was focused on the mother demon.
When the great dog moved, Kagome felt the earth tremble. The demon shrieked in retaliation. He quickly silenced her cries. With one fatal bite, he destroyed the insatiable demon that had plagued the village.
Then he turned his gaze upon Kagome. For the first time, she was afraid.
As if sensing her fear, the atmosphere in the field changed. The wind swept around Kagome, whipping her hair about like an angry flock of birds and obstructing her vision. She batted at the invisible force, willing it away. As suddenly as it had picked up, the wind died.
Kagome blinked and found herself face to face with the inuyoukai’s humanoid form. He appeared as a man, dressed in fine silks and outfitted with armor. A pair of swords were sheathed at his side. His hand rested upon their hilts as he studied her.
His skin was pale, adorned with the markings of his clan. The double lines upon his cheeks represented his lineage. He was the son of not one but two great houses. The longer one on top was for the paternal line and the second, smaller one was dedicated to his maternal side. There was a third marking at the center of his forehead. Though his bangs partially hid it, Kagome recognized the crescent moon symbol. He was nobility— a daiyoukai
She bowed her head. Words of gratitude remained lodged in her throat. Kagome tried to speak but found she could not.
Kaede had never allowed her to be alone in the presence of a man before. Any time she was permitted to leave the shrine, Kagome was escorted by the elderly woman to her destination. Kaede observed Kagome throughout the entirety of her ritual. As soon as her blessing was complete, they returned home.
Kagome was uncertain how to act toward the demon lord. He looked young, perhaps a few years older than her, but she knew it was likely that he had lived for centuries. Unlike Kagome, he had traveled these lands. He had not spent his days locked away in a dismal shrine.
His experiences were vastly more interesting than her own. He knew how to fight, had seen the Tricytris affinity bloom, felt the salt spray of the ocean on his face— he’d done it all. She envied him.
“Kagome!”
Startled, she glanced over her shoulder to see Kaede running over.
Before the elderly woman could cry out a second time, a hand clamped down on Kagome’s wrist.
“Come.”
Her eyes widened as her attention shifted to the demon lord. His voice reminded her of how the ground had quaked underfoot. It was deep and foreboding yet this time she wasn’t scared.
He led her away from Kaede.
“Wait, I have to—.”
The rest of her sentence was lost in an abrupt howl of wind. Kagome held up her free arm, shielding her face. The cyclone whirled around her, causing her to shift closer to the demon lord.
He released her hand to drape his arm around her midsection. At first, his proximity felt strange but when the strength of the wind caused her to lose balance, Kagome was thankful for his support.
She waited until the wind ceased to open her eyes. They were no longer standing in the meadow. The daiyoukai had brought Kagome to the mountains.
Their location was secluded. She saw no signs of a village or demon-kind anywhere. Her vision was in shades of gray. They were surrounded by stone cliffs. The terrain beneath her feet was made up of rocks. Above, the sky was overcast.
She glanced around, instantly missing the vibrant colors of the shrine garden. Nothing grew here. There wasn’t a single tree or shrub. She didn’t even see any moss. Kagome placed her hand on the cliffside, reaching out with her reiki. She felt no signs of life.
Shivering, she asked, “What is this place?”
“Home,” he answered indifferently.
“Why did you bring me here?”
He didn’t answer. Instead, he strolled along a narrow passage between the cliffs.
Kagome watched him leave, contemplating whether or not to follow.
In the end, she realized the only way out was through.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Kagome stared at the ashen sky from her bedroom window. Upon arriving in the Underworld, the demon lord had brought her to his castle. He gave Kagome a suite of rooms on the main floor with a parlor that opened onto a courtyard. The area was as barren as the rest of the land.
The richest shades she saw were those associated with her host. Metallic eyes that reminded her of molten gold, silver-white hair as smooth as finely-spun silk, and magenta markings that could rival the purest plum. He was a palette of color, each more striking than the last. She found it hard to hate him.
Even if she was his prisoner.
Marking the passage of time was impossible. Kagome couldn’t tell when one day ended and another began. There was constant cloud coverage in the sky. She had yet to catch a glimpse of the sun. If nighttime fell here, it was difficult to know. The moon was just as evasive— not unlike her host.
The lord of this land operated as if she wasn’t there. When he wasn’t in his chambers on the second floor, she found him outside practicing sword forms.
He had not uttered a single word to Kagome since the day he rescued her. Initially, she thought he was angry with her. Over time, Kagome started to suspect he believed she was mad at him.
She had become familiar with the sound of his blade cutting through the open air. The rhythm of his strikes reminded her of a lullaby. It was soothing. As she listened, her eyes drifted shut.
Kagome may have been asleep for barely a minute or several hours. She woke to the tender sensation of someone stroking her hair.
Her eyes fluttered open to find the demon lord kneeling beside her. The instant he noticed she was awake, he recoiled.
She latched onto him. “Wait, don’t go.”
His expression was conflicted. Kagome released him. He avoided making direct eye contact with her but he didn’t exit her chambers.
“What’s your name?” Kagome asked.
“The humans call me many things.”
“What name did your mother give you?” she clarified.
“Sesshomaru.”
“Sesshomaru. I’m Kagome.”
“I know. I heard your mother call for you,” he responded.
“Who, Kaede?”
He nodded.
“She’s not my mother. She’s my mentor. When my parents discovered my abilities, they took me to the shrine to be tested. Once Kaede confirmed who I was, she decided to train me. I’ve been there ever since,” Kagome explained.
“What of your family?” he inquired.
“I haven’t seen them since I was a child,” she admitted.
“You are lonely,” Sesshomaru remarked.
“Yes.”
“I understand.”
That was when Kagome realized what else was missing from the Underworld. Attendants didn’t frequent the corridors, waiting for Sesshomaru to issue a command. There were no soldiers stationed around the castle. The gateway was guarded by a two-headed dragon that had no name. A squat imp named Jaken visited sporadically. He traveled between the realms with messages but never stayed.
Sesshomaru was alone.
She glanced down at his sword. “Kaede forbade me from learning anything other than healing or archery. I heard you’re an expert with the blade. Could you teach me?”
“As you wish.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
After that day, Kagome would wake and immediately seek out Sesshomaru. She typically found him in the courtyard. Some mornings he was meditating, others were spent honing his skills.
He was disciplined in his routine. Sesshomaru never skipped a session. He never permitted her to miss either. Even on days when Kagome was so sore that she could barely drag herself out of bed, Sesshomaru insisted on practicing.
Kagome respected his dedication. He was a firm but fair instructor. When she got frustrated, Sesshomaru encouraged her to try again. He patiently answered her questions. More than once, he had to remind Kagome of the proper hand placement. She was much slower than he was but he never raised his voice in anger or spoke down to her.
Studying sword forms was exciting. Even though Sesshomaru insisted on starting her out on bamboo sticks, Kagome enjoyed learning the different angles of attack. She began to recognize the motions from Sesshomaru’s daily practice sessions.
In between sparring matches, Kagome would ask him about his life. Sesshomaru spoke of his mother, who lived in a palace above the clouds. He shared tales about his father with Kagome. Sesshomaru greatly admired Touga. She was appalled to learn that he was the reason Sesshomaru had been banished to the Underworld.
“I don’t understand. How could he do that to you?” she asked.
“I hold no compassion for others,” Sesshomaru answered.
Kagome placed her hand on top of his. “That’s not true. You saved my life.”
“Perhaps my interference was born out of selfishness,” he said.
“Or maybe you recognized your loneliness in me,” Kagome offered, entwining their fingers.
He didn’t reply but he also didn’t pull away.
Outside the castle, a sapling broke the surface of the rocky terrain.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
After that day, Sesshomaru was different. He didn’t wait for Kagome to approach him to initiate a conversation. If there was something he wished to share with her, he did. She learned about his interests. Not only was Sesshomaru an accomplished strategist, but he also possessed a fondness for nature. He often spoke about the forests he visited when he was on Earth.
“Back at the shrine, I had a garden. Whenever a new plant flourished, I felt so accomplished,” Kagome told him.
“You are filled with a nurturing spirit,” Sesshomaru remarked.
She laughed. “I don’t know about that but I do miss having a garden.”
“I could take you to see my favorite one,” he suggested. “There is a location along the east coast, north of Edo, where the fields appear as blue as the sea.”
“Really?”
He reached out to tuck an errant strand of hair behind her ear. “The flowers that bloom each spring are the color of your eyes.”
Kagome blushed.
This touch was different from when they sparred or even the way he’d shielded her from the wind. It was soft and tentative as if Sesshomaru was worried she’d pull away. He had been alone for centuries, sentenced to a life of solitude beyond the veil of the living world. Even though Kagome had spent the majority of her life behind the shrine walls, she’d never been left by herself.
She understood Sesshomaru’s hesitation. He was experienced at many things but intimacy was not one of them.
Kagome laced her fingers through his. “I’ve always wanted to travel.”
“Then travel we shall,” he decided.
Keeping hold of her hand, Sesshomaru led her out of the courtyard. They left the quiet halls of the castle behind.
As they passed through the cliffs, Sesshomaru stalled. Kagome shifted closer to him, concerned by his hesitation. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Look there,” he said, pointing to where a tree had taken root at the center of the path.
Kagome gasped. Unable to hold back her curiosity, she darted over. She dropped to her knees to inspect the new creation. Kagome ran her fingers along the base of the trunk. She could feel the tree’s life force. It was the first energy signature she’d been able to sense since her arrival.
Sesshomaru came to stand beside her.
“What does it mean?” she asked, staring up at him.
“Soon you have the garden you desire.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Over the next several weeks, dozens of other plants sprouted up. Kagome eagerly attended to all of the flora. Maple and beech trees grew near the gateway, offering shade for the two-headed dragon, which she had named A-Un for their benevolent spirit. Camellia, lilies, and irises took up residence near the castle.
Sesshomaru showed Kagome the Underworld’s waterfall. After their sparring sessions, she trekked there to gather water for her growing collection of greenery. As new plants appeared, Kagome was forced to visit the freshwater pool more often.
When he commented on the number of trips she was taking, Kagome teased him. She told Sesshomaru that the exercise would help her finally beat him in a match. That was the first time she ever saw him smile.
One afternoon, while she was carting a fresh pail of water over to the wisteria, Kagome noticed Jaken hurrying to the castle.
“Lord Sesshomaru! Lord Sesshomaru!” squawked the imp.
Kagome set down her bucket and followed the messenger inside.
“What news?” Sesshomaru inquired. Jaken hesitated, his gaze flickering to Kagome. “Speak,” Sesshomaru commanded, tersely.
“Yes, my lord,” the imp replied with a bow of his head. “Your father has requested your presence in the land of the living to manage the growing unrest.”
“Where?” Sesshomaru questioned.
“It’s everywhere, my lord.”
Kagome moved to Sesshomaru’s side, feeling uneasy. “What kind of unrest?”
“Less powerful demons are banning together. They started with deceiving and overpowering unsuspecting villagers but now they have grown into numbers so vast that your father and brother cannot contain them. For each one that they cut down, another ten appear,” Jaken revealed.
Sesshomaru placed his hand on Kagome’s shoulder and turned to face her. “I will handle this.”
“I want to come too.”
He shook his head. “Without you, the plants will wither and die. They are dependent on you...as I have become,” Sesshomaru finished quietly.
Leaning forward, he touched his forehead to hers. Kagome closed her eyes. She could feel the heat of his skin on her own. She didn’t remember him feeling warm. Perhaps the plants were not the only thing she had changed.
“I will return to you. Wait for me?”
“I will,” Kagome promised.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Kagome spent their time apart wandering the Underworld. When she strolled through the forest, A-Un would accompany her for a while before returning to guard the entrance.
The waterfall was nearly unrecognizable. During her first trip, Kagome had been careful to navigate around the jagged rocks and avoid falling into the murky depths of the pool. The plant life had transformed the intimidating chute into an oasis.
A bonsai tree accented the peak. Its branches hung over the rapids like an umbrella. Along the cliff sides, ferns sprouted out. Moss outlined the pool. Lily pads floated along the surface. The water was so clear that Kagome could see to the bottom.
She enjoyed seeing how the realm had transformed yet it was not enough to comfort the longing in her heart.
Kagome tried to emulate Sesshomaru’s patience. She busied herself with refining her forms, trying to guess what guidance he’d give if he was with her. She crafted a target and practiced archery. Kagome even attempted to meditate.
The activities filled her days but they didn’t lessen her feelings.
When he finally returned, she was sitting at her window, reading. His unsteady footsteps were what alerted her that something was wrong.
Kagome came around the corner to find him angled toward the wall. His breathing was labored. He had one hand out to steady himself and the other was hanging limp at his side. The sleeve of his kimono had turned red from the wound.
“Sesshomaru?”
His golden eyes met hers. Then he collapsed to the floor.
Kagome ran to him. She half fell, half slid across the wooden floor to reach him.
Sesshomaru’s eyes were squeezed shut and his jaw was clenched in agony.
“What happened?” she asked, frantically ripping at the fabric.
Removing the silk revealed a laceration on his bicep. Blood oozed, obscuring her view. Kagome gingerly swiped the access fluid away to inspect the area.
The cut was deep. Sesshomaru was fortunate he hadn’t lost his arm. The limb was held on by a thin layer of muscle, nerves, and skin.
“Don’t move,” she instructed him.
Kagome went to her room, hastily gathering an arrow from her quiver and some fresh herbs. When she returned to Sesshomaru’s side, she used the tip of her arrow to cut the lower portion of her hakama free. Kagome broke her arrow in half.
She was aware of Sesshomaru’s gaze as she crafted a tourniquet from the strips of fabric and wood.
“I am fine.”
“You’re not fine,” Kagome snapped. “Who did this to you?”
“Inuyasha.”
“You’re brother?” she cried incredulously.
“He blames me for the demon hordes. They have been dealt with. I shall not be hearing from him again,” Sesshomaru said.
“He’ll be hearing from me,” Kagome retorted.
“There is no need for you to be concerned. Inuyasha cannot crossover into our realm.”
“Fine, I’ll go see him in his then,” Kagome decided.
Sesshomaru stared at her. For a moment, she expected him to try and stop her, but then he was stilling her hands.
“Kagome.”
She finished knotting the tourniquet and met his gaze.
Sesshomaru had never been one to use more words than was necessary. He preferred action to lengthy speeches. This time was no different.
When he kissed her, Kagome felt the entire Underworld shudder from the force of his emotions. Every life force within their realm— from the smallest seedling to the dragon guardian —was under their care. The inhabitants of this world were tethered to them, just as they were bound to each other.
As they parted, Kagome was unsurprised to find knotweed growing between the floorboards.
She collected a handful of the leaves in her hand. Carefully, Kagome lined them up along Sesshomaru’s wound. She focused her reiki on the healing properties of the plant. Heat spread from her palm. She pressed it into his skin.
Sesshomaru inhaled sharply. Kagome kept her hand clamped over the laceration. She followed the flow of energy— the blood vessels, the nerve endings, the muscle fibers— and pictured them knitted together like a reed mat.
When she removed her hand, the cut was gone. The tension on his face was replaced with relief.
“That just leaves Inuyasha,” Kagome commented.
She retrieved her bow from the courtyard and a quiver of arrows from her bedroom. As she turned to leave, Sesshomaru appeared in the doorway.
“Your brother attacked you. I can’t let that stand,” Kagome said.
“I will not interfere but, if you’re journeying to the realm of the living, I wish to go with you.”
“Alright,” she agreed.
Hand in hand, they crossed the border between worlds.
They found Inuyasha outside of Edo. The half-demon was perched in a tree overlooking an abandoned well.
Kagome shot the branch down with a single arrow.
Inuyasha responded with a slew of profanity. She ignored his vulgar yelling and nocked a second arrow.
“So you’re her, huh? The Shikon Miko?” he asked, eyeing her skeptically.
“I am.”
“And you’re with him?” Inuyasha gestured to Sesshomaru.
Kagome nodded.
“So, then, this is your fault.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Excuse me?”
“I thought that bastard kidnapped you and took you against your will,” Inuyasha grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Is that why you assaulted him?” Kagome asked.
“You should be thanking me. Now, you're back home.”
She readied her arrow for release. “The Underworld is my home. If you ever raise your blade against him again, I will ensure that you are imprisoned for eternity.”
“I wouldn’t have attacked him if you had done your job,” Inuyasha hissed, scathingly.
“My job?”
“Without your powers of purification, the evil spirits were left unchecked. They became too powerful to control. Monks and priestesses united across the country to fight them but they were overcome. Only the Shikon Miko can maintain the balance.”
Kagome froze.
“I told Sesshomaru earlier. You can’t continue to live in the Underworld. You have to return to the land of the living,” Inuyasha informed her.
“No,” Kagome said, shaking her head.
“If you won’t come willingly, I guess I’m going to have to make you!”
Inuyasha sprung for her.
Kagome fired her arrow. The first one missed.
She dodged a swipe from his clawed hand and quickly grabbed another arrow. Her heart was thundering in her chest. The thought of leaving the Underworld— of abandoning Sesshomaru —terrified her more than any else she had ever faced.
Spinning around, she realized that Inuyasha was right on top of her. Kagome let her arrow fly.
A pulse of light erupted from where the point entered Inuyasha’s body. It tore him open. As he howled in pain, vines slithered out of the opening like green snakes.
Kagome backed away, only stopping once she felt Sesshomaru’s hand on her shoulder. They watched as Kagome’s magic transformed Inuyasha into a great tree.
The vines wove around the base, then stretched down to the ground, becoming the roots. Branches grew outward and upward. Leaves spread out from their ends, blocking out the moonlight.
Neither of them moved until the tree stilled. Sesshomaru was the first to approach it. He pressed his hand to the trunk and glanced over his shoulder at Kagome.
“Is he alive?”
“Yes,” she confirmed.
“This will be difficult to explain to my father.”
“You can tell him the same thing will happen to anyone else who tries to separate me from you,” Kagome said.
His eyes widened.
Kagome reached up to stroke his markings. “You may depend on me but I need you,” she told him.
His eyes closed as his hand came to rest over her own. “I belong to you.”
That night, Sesshomaru showed Kagome the truth of those words.
When she woke the following morning, the Underworld was coated in cherry blossoms. Kagome smiled at what was to come and nestled closer to her mate.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
She traced the patch of moss covering the shrine entrance. Though the temple had stood here for centuries, nature constantly demonstrated its power over the man-made monument. Seedlings spread slowly, barely more than a green speck in between the cracks of the foundations. However, over time, they grew beyond the stone until they had transformed its dull, unyielding form into something beautiful.
Much like herself.
It had taken Kagome decades to fully come into her power. Her abilities were both awe-inspiring and terrifying. She was two halves of a whole: creation and destruction, life and death, ruin and rebirth. Sesshomaru had helped her understand her role. Kagome had come to accept her place just as she had accepted him. Now, she was balanced.
It was always the same when he came for her— a torrent of blood and discontent. His impassive expression had once discouraged Kagome but she had outgrown her fears long ago.
“Sesshomaru.”
He sheathed his crimson-stained sword and approached her. His stride, which nearly doubled her own, enabled him to cross the courtyard almost instantly. Then she was in his arms and he was burying his face in her hair.
“My moon,” he whispered in greeting.
She smiled, snaking her hands up his torso to find purchase on his hair. His chosen endearment had always amused her. She had been surprised to find that her mate possessed a sense of humor— something he chose to share with only her.
His father had once asked Kagome why Sesshomaru didn’t refer to her as his sun. To which she had merely smiled. Sesshomaru told Kagome that her light shone brightest in the dark, just as the moon illuminated each night. She had never expected the Killing Perfection to be a poet.
“I missed you,” Kagome said.
“And I you.” He pressed a kiss to her temple and straightened up. “Shall we return home?”
Kagome nodded.
She bid farewell to shrine guardians, promising to journey back in the spring to reinforce the barrier and provide blessings. Kagome had taken a vow to watch over the children of Earth. It was her responsibility, but she also had a duty to her mate, for he held her heart.
“So, are you going to tell me the latest?” she asked as he led her through the gateway.
“Grim Reaper.”
Kagome’s face twisted in disgust.
“Devil.”
She rolled her eyes. “How original.”
“The Destroyer.”
“Well,” she hedged, “at least that one’s accurate.”
He frowned.
“What do the children think?”
“Why don’t you ask them yourself?” Sesshomaru prompted, stepping aside so she could see the castle.
Kagome smiled at the sight. The castle, once a dull composition of dark wood and stone, was overwhelmed by every kind of vegetation imaginable. Ivy decorated the walls. Lushes bushes lined the pathways and from the rafters hung colorful orchids.
Her mate squeezed her hand. “Welcome home.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Author Note: Thanks to my beta, originalone73 for keeping me consistent.