This was a rather touching fic, and you did a really good job with your grammar and spelling. One of the things that made it a little hard to follow at times were the time and space shifts that suddenly happened, however i didnt find it too hard to straighten it out in the end, another thing was the amount of japanese you used, i have nothing against it personally but it would help if you gave a glossary at the end of what all the words you used for people who are not up to date as it were with there japanese...other than that you did a great job and i hope you will continue with the good work!!!
Ducky here! This was a very good songfic. I’m normally not a big fan of songfics because I find the lyrics to be disturbing to the overall flow of the story. HOWEVER! Your fic was an exception.
I have to admit that I was confused after some time skips and scene changes, but most of the time it was clarified after I continued reading. There are the usual problems of spelling and grammar – I don’t think anyone can truly escape from that hole. I liked the themes of forgiveness, love, redemption, and acceptance. The last quote from Kagome was adorable, though I wished it would have been the last line of the fic. I admit that I was confused when I first read that Sesshoumaru had blue eyes. I remember thinking to myself: “Self! Was that a typo?” But after I read further, I discovered that Sesshoumaru had disguised himself.
Honestly, I am confused why Sesshoumaru didn’t realize sooner that it was Kagome all along. Sesshoumaru kinda changed his appearance, and boys do tend to change drastically in eight years, so it is understandable that Kagome didn’t figure it out sooner. But Sesshoumaru had obsessed over Kagome because he was the one good thing in his life. This is the only part I have trouble visualizing.
You have a knack for description – which is great for me! My friends have called me a description whore, but everything from colors to feelings was described so well. I could almost taste what was going on.
Keep on writing!
ducky out!
Overall, this was a touching story. I liked the plot, but I will admit that I was confused throughout most of it. Partly, that was because a lot of your sentences had some awkward syntax. At times it seemed like you had been writing in such a rush that you kind of merged two thoughts into one. But that is something that can be fixed easily with the help of a beta.
Very interesting story. I was slightly confused in a few places and wasn't sure what some of the Japanese was. Maybe next time you could put the meanings at the end of the story for us people who aren't that knowledgeable. I also saw a few minor spelling mistakes but other than that it was a very good read.
I have to say, I was confused throughout most of this story the first time I read it. On a second read, I really saw how well you did on this one, and how these two could go through so much together and still make it seem like they were meeting each other again and again for the first time. I felt really bad for Sessy, and sorry that he never got to make up with his father. I thought about how often that was the case in real life, and how it can hurt. Anyways, there were a few spelling errors, but nothing major. Good work.
It's a great story...some of it ran together and was a little confusing to read and there were some spelling issues but on a whole, the tale of the abused Sess-boy being the hero for the little Kag-girl and then losing that bond, which turned him cold - brilliant plotline. How ironic that she would end up dating his half-brother...she had to have known that they were related. The muted but relieved ending was brilliant. The cycle was complete.
Hairann (Chapter 1) - Fri 19 Feb 2010
Amazing job on this story. There were a few things to point out such as 'OoOoo' is actually spelled 'Ooh', try to stay away from words and sentences in all caps, and a few of the scenes were rather rushed. But for the most part you did a really good job on this and I enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work :).
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