I enjoyed it!! I loved the storyline. LOL...I always felt and knew that Sesshoumaru and Kagome were always a better couple in this world. There was just somethiing about them that complimented each other. It was a wonderful story.
You slipped into first person for a while starting with "Pain ripped through me..." which really breaks the flow. That and the occassional parenthesis actions in the middle of speech. Also, the dialogue was a bit stilted and unnatural. However, not bad at all for a first try. Keep it up!
mari (Chapter 1) - Mon 25 Feb 2013
loved it thanks.
When you are talking about the smell of something, you want the word 'scent.' You keep using 'Sent' which is the past tense of 'send.' You may want to fix those mistakes.
This was great.
Definatly not bad for a first try, and a good starting point, I've just read to much. Have someone beta it.
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