I love this story so far and the fact that you're working to try and make it better!! Something I noticed though...The dialogue set up needs a little help. It was slightly confusing (this just might be my oppinion but I'm trying to help. =]).
"Hey, I'm joe." I said. "Nice to meet you joe." He said. This is confusing to the reader simply because there is no clear break between speakers.
I'm not trying to offend you because I truly do like the story and hope to read more of it. I'm simply trying to help. This story is from when you were young but I really think that there is some talent here!! =))!
Ja ne and have a splendifourous day!! I look forward to reading this story in the future if you are still planning to work on it! (please do) Bye!!
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