please let him come to love kagome. the torture of love should ENGULF THEM BOTH. DON'T STOP THIS STORY JUST THE WAY IT IS.TELL WHAT HAPPENS TO THE GIRL SHE IS IN LOVE WITH AS WELL.I CAN't WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTERS.

Normally I avoid stories written in 1st person like the plague. I was pleasantly surprised to discover someone who could actually do it without mutilating a story. I'm a little confused about the 1st ch where you said he used her virginity against her. I have no idea what you mean. Were you implying that her being a virgin allowed him to manipulate her body easier? I don't see how that would work.

I did enjoy the twist that Kagome was into humiliation and that you made it more believeable by having her draw a line between Sesshoumaru touching her verses complete strangers. The psycology involved make it more beliveable.

CoNtInUe pLeAsE I nEeD To rEaD MoRe It'S A BeAuTiFuL StOrY! AnD ExTrA LeMoNy WhIcH MaKeS It So MuCh BETTER!  I HoPe YoU UpDaTe SoOn pLeAsE I CaN't WaIt FoR ThE NeXt ChApTeR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sincerely, Shannah Ellis

A.K.A.

Dark_Angel

please continue im looooving this fiction beautiful work

Damn you gottah update!

Thanks to you... my and my boyfriend are doing some great things inspired by your story... keep on

It's refreshing to see a fanfiction author that is open to constructive criticism.  You are a great writer, so the grammatical mistakes you make are glaringly obvious.  Point of view switches usually bother me when reading, however, you have a tendency to do that quite well.

I read that you have a hard time telling between "then" and "than", I also have a hard time with that.  I usually use helpful online resources for such things.  I'll give you a link.  It lists the most common grammatical errors.  I hope this is useful!

http://www.wsu.edu:8080/~brians/errors/errors.html

Since you’re accepting criticism of incorrect word usage, here are some observations/corrections from the most recent chapter (ch. 8):

ridged (“I felt his entire body go ridged”) --> rigid

laid (“I laid there and watched him as he stared into the trees”) --> lay

(Note re: lay vs. laid --> here, “lay” is used in the sense of the past tense of the verb “to lie.” It’s a common mistake and there’s lots of confusion around these words since “to lay” is also a verb itself, and “laid” is the past tense of that verb. But here, the verb “to lie” (as in to stay in a horizontal position) is proper, rather than “to lay” (to place something down).)

also per the review you quoted at the beginning of this chapter, you’ve substituted “than” for “then” again in this chapter.  (e.g. “at first I felt frustrated because he just didn't know when to give up, than I feared for his life.”) --> should be “then” (also should use a semicolon rather than a comma, see comment below).

(these words are incorrect in context, rather than incorrect per se, so just using spell check won’t catch the errors).

Also, just a general observation re: punctuation: you tend to use commas even where other punctuation (such as semicolons or a new sentence) would be proper.  One example: “His back was tight, but his walk didn't show the discomfort, I was surprised I recognized it at all.” --> should be: “His back was tight, but his walk didn't show the discomfort; I was surprised I recognized it at all.” It’s possible for the reader to overlook this tendency, but if you’re aiming to improve your writing, then it’s something to work on, especially since it occurs throughout.

As for the plot development in this chapter, it seemed a bit odd that Sess would be so relatively respectful of Kagome’s desire not to engage in sexual activities with Koga around, as opposed to how Sess showed her off in front of the other lords and made her pee on herself to humiliate her.  I realize Sess appears to be developing feelings for Kagome, which might explain a difference between the original public humiliation scene (when she was tied to the wall along with the other naked women) but Sess already appeared to be acknowledging some feelings prior to the second public incident where he displayed her tied to a chair and wetting herself in front of the other lords. 

Finally, you mentioned you don’t know what PWP is. It’s “porn without a point” (or as I like to think of it, “porn without plot”).  Even though you do have some plot to your story, people often use PWP to describe stories that have an abundance of porn/sex scenes in relation to the amount of plot (or simply the non-sex scenes) in the story.

this was sinfully delightful!