Hey, Darien!

I really like your name - made up or not. It's a good screen name.

When I first read this, I thought it was a songfic, but then I realized it wasn't. It surprised me, and I'm glad I read it.

You have a very interesting idea, an interesting concept. I like how you have 'I won't miss you, but I'll always love you'. I think that's my favourite part of what I read.

The only things that I can really suggest in hopes of helping you improve your writing, is maybe to work on your distribution between the story and paragraphs. You have one big chunk, and then a few one liners set up like a poem or song. That's what originally made me think it was a songfic.

That's all I have to say. It's a good fic - it sounds personal.

~ Incomprehensible