Knight of Disorder
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Created On: 05/09/2012 21:34:58
Thanks for the Review on Time Keeper.
It's been a thorn in my side because there isn't really much more that my mind is swinging into it. For instance a major plot, I've been mulling a couple options around but they don't really fit it to well. I might turn it back into the one shot it was originally. Perhaps, I don't know. Feedback from Zara: What always works for me when I get stuck on hurdles like rewrites is to put it aside for a few months while I work on something that is fresher and then I pick it up and reread it, sometimes I decide it's done and there's nothing I can do, other times it hits me. Feel free to bounce ideas off my wall, I try to check it. Good luck 
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Knight of Disorder
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Created On: 05/05/2012 15:48:06
Thanks for your review on Purity.
Perchance, what did you believe what missing. I covered the major events, Kagome's creation, Naraku's creation, the origin of the drug with played a small but powerful role. Rin's birth wasn't as important but it was described briefly. I want to know because I've been getting an itch to rewrite certain works and Purity was one of my possible choices. Feedback from Zara: I'm flattered you're taking my review into consideration. Basically what I felt was that you have such a good idea, an excellent premise for a story and you could make it very intricate and absolutely fantastic. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed reading it as it was immensly, but I think you could expand on quite a bit.
I can tell you what I wanted to know if that helps at all. I wanted to know more about how all these factions are intertwined, what is shippos job exactly? What is the ultimate governing force? What are these outer colonies Inuyasha worked for? I understand that Sesshomaru, Touga, and Inuyasha all worked for a military faction but what are their jobs generally related to? I love that you included Souta but what is the foundation and their role in all of it? Kagome has great power and so does Sesshomaru and I think you could showcase that. You created rankings for power, brilliant, I love the idea, but what does a ranking earn someone? A better job? More respect?
You mentioned once that demons were a myth when Kimiko was younger, where did they come from? Were they in hiding? In a different world?
You defintiely included plenty to have a successful story, and all the essentials were covered I just think that this story has a lot of potential and your writing is good, something that I have trouble finding in a lot of fanfics nowadays.
I know this is long now but I am really delighted that you took the intiative to get feedback, so many authors ignore it. I'm a writer as well and I'm studying creative writing as a career choice, that by no means makes me an expert in any way, shape, or form, but it does make me care so if you find yourself in need of feedback or a beta please don't hesitate. Good luck and I have every intention of reading more of your work Hope this was helpful
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